You have a various of hobbies that the readers already know, but the author feels the need to point out one of them. You love bad romcoms. This makes you sort of a HOPELESS ROMANTIC in an OBSCURE AND UNKNOWN KIND OF WAY.
Despite being the ANGRIEST TROLL, you actually managed to get a girlfriend. Way to go. Her name is Terezi Pyrope and she's SORT OF CUTE.
... When she's not LICKING YOUR FACE, BEING LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS or TROLLING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. Which is when she's sound asleep, or passed out.
But somehow you deal with this, because for some SILLY REASON YOU CANNOT FATHOM you have very flushed feelings for her. And you like to think she feels the same for you, though you can never be sure because she's never really serious about anything else than TH3 L4W.
But you suppose she makes you happy.
This is Dave Strider, and he's sort of an INSUFFERABLE PRICK. Okay, not sort of, he's *the* insufferable prick. He holds the status as TEREZI'S BEST FRIEND. Or bro. Whatever.
He's smooth, got style, is WAY COOLER THAN YOU and has 839249 inside jokes with Terezi that he ALWAYS CRACKS TO MAKE YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AND INSECURE. He is the smoothest bastard known to mankind, and you hate his guts. You have spent many nights trying to find out what Terezi sees in this guy, because really. Kid's an asshole of the higher ranks.
Congratulations!! Terezi is absolutely ecstatic that you brought her favourite snack. She informs you that it will be well spent, as she was just heading to see a GROTESQUE ACTION MOVIE with Dave. But don't worry! She informs you that you don't have to come, since she knows you hate those movies so much.
>Karkat: Dave is the only thing standing in between you and Terezi, and as such must be eliminated from the equation. Ask for Vriska's advice, as she simply is the best there is when it comes to fucking with people.
>Karkat: Meet up with Nepeta, who has more knowledge of troll relationships with her SHIPPING WALL. Engage in hilarious shenanigans with Nepeta to win back Terezi. >Nepeta: Over the course of these shenanigans start to get flushed feelings for Karkat and create a love triangle of sorts
You are now Gamzee Makara, basically the COM in ROMCOM and the hero's best friend! You have a VARIOUS OF INTERESTS but the author is too lazy to type them out. You don't care because you have a motherfucking horn.
thanks to two amazing people for writing this out for me because shit man I can't write these characters ;w;
Wow, motherfucker seems grumpier than usual. You actually did have something to ask him about but you decide it's time to do what a best friend does best and give him advice instead!
--- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] ---
TC: yO wHaT iS uP mY bEsT fRiEnD?
--- carcinoGeneticist [GC] is now idle ---
CG: HOLY JEGUS FUCK
CG: IT'S LIKE PARADOX SPACE AND OTHER CONTRAPTIONS JUST MUTUALLY AGREED TO FUCK WITH ME TODAY.
CG: IT'S AS IF I COMMITTED AN UNFORGIVABLE FELONY THAT I SHOULD BE PERPETUALLY PUNISHED FOR
CG: WHICH IS TO SAY FUCK YOU, IS WHAT'S UP
TC: wHoA, cHiLl BrO.
TC: i GuEsS mY qUeStIoNs CaN wAiT, uNtIl My FrIeNd'S mOtHeRfUcKiN pRoBlEmS aRe SoRtEd OuT.
TC: wHaT iS mEsSiNg Up YoUr GrOoVe?
CG: WHAT PROBLEMS
CG: THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS
CG: MY "GROOVE" IS PERFECTLY ALIGNED AND FUNCTIONING IN A WAY MOST GROOVES SHOULD, OR PERHAPS BETTER SEEING THAT IT'S MY "GROOVE".
CG: IT DOESN'T EAT FUCKING MUTATED PIES AND STEP ON GODDAMN HORNS LIKE IT DIDN'T SEE THEM COMING.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK YOU FOR ASSUMING. YOU ARE THE WORST BEST FRIEND AND WHO THE HELL EVEN DECIDED THAT.
CG: I DIDN'T.
TC: It PiCkEd Us.
TC: YoU cAn'T sToP fRiEnDsHiP, mAn.
TC: BuT iF yOu DoN'T wAnT tO tAlK, I cAn'T mAkE yOu.
TC: JuSt MaKe SuRe YoUr HeArT's In ThE rIgHt PlAcE.
CG: FRIENDSHIP CAN'T PICK PEOPLE NUMBNUTS. IT'S A DISEASE AND DISEASES ARE CRUEL SICKOS THAT HANG OUT WITH DUMB COOL KIDS WITH STUPID SHADES AND PURSED IMPUDENT LIPS.
TC: a BeAuTiFuL dIsEaSe.
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: MY HEART'S ALWAYS IN THE RIGHT PLACE, YOU NOOKLICKING BULGESTAIN. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S GOING TO START WALKING AROUND, AND SOMEHOW TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS IS GOING TO MAKE IT GO BACK TO WHERE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.
CG: GODDAMN, START TYPING LIKE A NORMAL TROLL. YOUR TEXT IS INFURIATING TO LOOK AT.
TC: I tHiNk YoU tElL mE tHiS eVeRy TiMe, BrO.
TC: but this just feels so weird?
TC: i GoTtA gO wItH wHaT i FeEl.
TC: AnD yOu ShOuLd ToO, yOu KnOw?
CG: HOW DO YOU EVEN FEEL SOMETHING WITH TEXT? THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD. YOU'RE THE DUMBEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET.
CG: THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING NOWHERE. WHY THE HELL DID YOU EVEN PING ME?
CG: IS THIS SOME PRACTICAL JOKE TO PISS OFF KARKAT?
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, FUCKFACE, YOU JUST SUCCEEDED IN THAT.
CG: FOR YOUR PRIZE, I AM GOING TO START BANGING MY HEAD ON THIS KEYBOARD.
CG: BANG BANG BANG
CG: THE TINY KEYS ARE NOW STUCK TO MY FACE.
CG: JUST FUCK YOU.
TC: No MaN i HaVe A qUeStIoN fOr YoU, aBoUt SoMeThInG cAlLeD rOmAnCe!
TC: So HoW dOeS a MoThErFuCkIn TrOlL gIvE a FiNe LaDy A sYmBoL oF hIs aFfEcTiOn?
TC: I wAs ThInKiNg Of InViTiNg HeR oVeR aNd CrAcKiNg OpEn SoMe FrEsH bReW, iF yOu KnOw WhAt I mEaN.
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS
CG: ARE YOU THAT STUPID THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN
CG: I FEEL SO DEBASED. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STUPID CONVERSATION IS HAPPENING.
TC: i JuSt ThOuGhT i'D gEt SoMe AdVicE fRoM tHe MaStEr.
TC: SiNcE yOu AlReAdY hAvE a FiNe TrOlL sPeCiMeN aS yOuR mAtEsPrIt
CG: FUCK YOU, DON'T DRAG HER INTO THIS CONVERSATION. WHATEVER HAPPENS BETWEEN ME AND HER IS, GUESS WHAT, NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!
CG: BESIDES, SHE'S STILL PROBABLY HANGING OUT WITH THAT STUPID HUMAN. I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT SHE SEES IN THAT GUY. HE'S A USELESS, GRUBFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
TC: OhHhHh, ArE yOu ExPeRiEnCiNg A lItTlE oF tHe GrEeN eNvY, mAn?
TC: I dIdN't KnOw YoU wErE hAvInG lAdY pRoBlEmS.
CG: I'M GOING TO REPEAT WHAT I FUCKING SAID BEFORE SINCE YOUR THINKPAN IS TOO THIN TO REMEMBER. THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS. EVERYTHING IS FINE IN KARKAT LAND. THE HORNED HOOFBEASTS ARE HAPPILY GRAZING IN THE MEADOW.
CG: FUCK, THAT'S EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING TO READ. FORGET I EVEN TYPED THAT.
CG: THERE ARE STILL NO LADY PROBLEMS THOUGH
CG: DO I HAVE TO REPEAT THAT AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE
TC: nO nO, mAn, I gOt It.
TC: WhAtEvEr PrObLeMs YoU aNd YoUr LaDy ArE hAvInG, i'M sUrE yOu'Ll FiGuRe It OuT.
CG: LIKE I SAID, THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS.
CG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GOING TO SAY THIS. I'M PROBABLY GOING TO REGRET THIS LATER ON.
CG: NOW FUCK OFF, I'M NOT SAYING IT AGAIN.
TC: nO pRoBlEm, My BrO.
TC: i WaS oN mY wAy OuT aNyWaY, tO gO tEsT yOuR sMoOtH aDvIcE.
CG: OK. GOOD.