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Red Dead Virgo

by adamantApoplectic

Use the arrows at the top of each page to navigate, or use the left- and right-cursor keys on your keyboard.

Red Dead Virgo is possibly the most popular of the "bloodswap" stories, where the same character are used but trading their histories and upbringing. It started with a sprite-edit of Kanaya Maryam to have the mutant candy-red blood, and how this made for a harder life in the rigid chromo-caste system of their world. Then short scenes of fanfiction were written by the sprite artist, adamantApoplectic, and this alternate universe took on a life of it's own. The RDV episodes were published in pieces on Google Docs, and advertised on the fan *chan boards.

(top-right: 'red dead Kanaya' by wafflebat. All illustrations during the story and intermission are by adamantApoplectic, based on work by Andrew Hussie. Illustrations in the fanart section are credited by individual authors)

Table of Contents

  1. Red Dead Virgo
  2. ... Oops
  3. Circuitous & Fortuitous
  4. Asshole Ceruleans
  5. GRUBLOAF
  6. Bloodrage
  7. Sanguine
  8. Bunch of Bull's Shit
  9. Butthead Yellows
  10. Goofy Magentas
  11. Murderous Maroons
  12. Meowrails X3
  13. White & Knight
  14. Blue Bastards
  15. Glub
  16. Branches
  17. Crabby Customers
  18. Red & White
  19. Nothing Fancy
  20. Land and Titles
  21. Adventures of Stabman & Chaingirl
  22. I'M A PRICKLY PEAR
  23. Fluff
  24. Full Circle
  25. Anger Management
  26. Paladin
  27. Make Her A Member Of The Midnight Crew
  28. Cutting Room Floor
  29. Rex Duodecim Virtus
  30. Sleep...
  31. Embrace
  32. Hello, I Hate You, Won't You Tell Me Your Name
  33. Magi
  34. ...And Nobody Understands
  35. Red Dead Virtuoso
  36. Doom [Fate]
  37. Most Just
  38. The Last Red Mile
  39. We KINDA Fucked Up
  40. Complementry
  41. Deicide
  42. Ouroborous

Red Dead Virgo

*

Your name is Kanaya Maryam. You'd probably be BETTER OFF DEAD, but you still have a JOB TO DO. You're an OUTCAST and a FUGITIVE. Turns out it was a REALLY BAD IDEA to reveal your freakish MUTANT BLOOD COLOR. At least you still have a few friends who love you, which is about the only thing KEEPING YOU ALIVE!

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

GA: Hello Vriska

AG: KANAYA!! There you are!! Where have you been?? I've been worried ssick about you!!

GA: Vriksa I Apologize As Sincerely As I Can

GA: Ive Been Relentless And Sleepless Trying To Get To Your Home

AG: Okay, ssure. Ssorry. You're just being totally bussy doing really dangerouss sstuff and totally jusst leaving me in the lurch. It'ss fine!!

GA: Now

GA: You Know That Isnt True

GA: I Am Trying My Damndest To Use A New Route To Shelter With You For A While And I Extremely Appreciative Of You Doing That For Me

AG: Yess yess you're being sso brave and crafty. Jusst ssauntering over to my place nice and eassy, leaving me in the dark for weekss on end. Perfectly cool.

GA: You

GA: Just

GA: STOP

GA: I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO BE GOOD ABOUT KEEPING YOU INFORMED WHILE NOT COMPROMISING YOUR SAFETY

GA: AND

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] is now an idle troll! --

AG: Kanaya??

AG: Come on ansswer me.

AG: Pleasse? }:(

GA: Sorry

GA: Im Sorry I Completely Lost My Temper Again Im Sorry Vriska

GA: Sorry

AG: Sstop!! Sstop ssaying ssorry you dumb girl, I'M ssorry I made you mad. I'm jusst worried, okay?? Worried and really ssick of bad breakss for you. Really worried and tired and wisshing you'd get here already!! Esspecially ssince it may be the lasst time you can sstay at my place before they figure me out at lasst! And that SSUCKS!!

GA: Vriska

GA: I Am Still Sorry I Lost My Cool

GA: I Am Just So Tired And Sort Of Beat Up Bad

GA: Please Dont Worry Since This Should Be The Last Time I Need To Stay With You Or Anyone

AG: Right right. Before thiss game the otherss are obssssessssing over can be played and we all leave thiss Hellhole behind. Are you really ssure about that?? Ssounds too much like a bunch of bullbeasst droppingss to me!!

GA: Vriska I Can Promise

GA: As True As My Blood Is Red

GA: That The Game And Our Dreams Are Real

GA: We Will Escape All This And Go On To Something Better

GA: And I Also Promise That I Will Make This All Up To You

AG: Okay okay!! You know I believe you. Dumb ass it ssounds. Jusst hurry the HHell up and get your rred assss over hhere ass ssoon ass possssible!!!!

GA: Heh

AG: Whaat??

GA: Nothing

GA: You Just

GA: Make Me Feel So Appreciated When You Get All Worked Up Like That

AG: Oh FFUCK YYOUU!!

AG: Why'd you have to reveal your blood color anywayss?? }:/

GA: Because I Was Tired Of Being Scared

GA: And Because I Believed My Dreams Which Said It Was Necessary For Our Game To Be Successful

GA: Otherwise The Others Might Have Outright Turned On Me Without The Exposure

AG: I guessss. }:|

AG: Good thing I love red ssneakerss sso much, huh?? };D

AG: Anywayss, I'm gonna pesster that idiot Tavross. Make him buy uss ssome more time. He'ss sso gullible!! That way we can patch you up and maybe get thiss sstupid game going at last. Sso hurry up and get here! I wissh I could be the most awessome moirail ever (which I AM) and manipulate all your purssuerss to jump off a cliff, but I'm not like that freak Karkat. I only got ssway over animalss and being ssuper great at FLARP. Sso I'll cook you an awessome grubloaf or something instead. Whatever.

AG: JUSST HURRY UP!!

GA: Yes Maam Be There By Sundown

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

GA: ...

GA: <3

Okay, good. You'll reach her little country hive by nightfall. You're at your rope's end anyways; any longer on the run between safehives and you're pretty sure you'd expire. It was unexpected that you'd end up at her place when the game began, but you count the small blessings. There's nobody you'd rather be with when the time came for you all to leave your miserable world behind. Miserable for you, anyways.

You love her. Even though you know she has eyes for that indigo-blood... it's okay. There's too much to do, and too much already done, for you to care too much about it. You appreciate her for all she's risked and done, and WILL make it up to her. You've got your dead lusus' claw, knowledge of what's to come, and the best friend you could ever hope for. You would never compromise that.

You also have your dreams. They've been the only place you've been able to find real solace. Soon, they'll be more than visions.

*

... Oops.

*

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM.

Today is not your wriggling day. Today is not the day you begin a game with 11 other friends. Today is really any other day in the grand scheme of things, maybe a Tuesday if we want to go by the standards of a planet that does not yet exist.

Today is special in its own way though, as it is the day you decide to make the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE. Sadly, forces you do not understand, even after many sweeps of dreaming upon a golden moon, have decided this is what must happen. Either way, you're going along with it because you also think it's what must happen.

You live in a small and quiet neighborhood near the farmlands. Really, where you live and what your interests are don't matter for much longer. Right now you have made a decision to reveal something about yourself. You've kept it anonymous for a long time, out of necessity. But you hate lying, and are very bad at it. You want to believe you could possibly change your society by being open about your secret.

But really, mostly, you're just tired of being so scared. You have been so consumed with fear over your condition that it's affected your life. You know there will be consequences, but you'll do anything to finally stop the endless gnawing in your stomach every time the issue brushes close, which is pretty much every single day. Your problem is without precedent, as far as you know, so who's to say it'll end badly? It's worth a shot. You believe the clouds of your dreams.

So you decide to talk to someone you know and trust above all else. You don't trust her just because she dreams on the same moon as you do, though she has not yet awakened. Nor do you trust her simply because funny things happen to your heart whenever you do chat with her. You trust her because, of everyone you have ever known, she's the only one you have never felt sick about the idea of telling her what was wrong with you. Instead, you've felt guilt for NOT telling her. So she'll know first, for better or worse.

*

Though maybe you're telling her first because you're also terrified you're completely wrong about how she'll feel. Insecurity is awesome like that. Wow you're sweating up a storm like some kind of freak here. Only a different kind of freak than the one you are. Okay jeez you sent the message and can't back out now. Here we go.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

GA: Vriska

GA: Are You There

AG: Kanaya!! Hey. What'ss up. }:)

GA: Do You Have A Minute To Spare For Me

AG: You mean I need to sstop sshoveling manure and unclogging the load gaper and watering the dolorcorn and raking the roof and hauling imperial tribute to the cylindrical grain tower to sspare a minute for YOU?? }:o

GA: Um

GA: Sorry

GA: Ill Go

AG: Kanaya you dummy!!

GA: What

AG: That wass a JOKE. Ha ha, laugh laugh. I already did that like two hourss ago! Even if I did have to do it of course I got a minute to sspare for you, okay??

GA: Oh

GA: Heh

GA: Sorry Vriska I Am Incredibly Nervous Right Now

AG: What?? Why??

GA: Listen

GA: I Need

GA: Er

GA: I Have Something I Need To Tell You

GA: That Is Very Important And Scary For Me

AG: Yeah?? You got my attention!! I'm here for you.

GA: Okay I Am Going To Be As Blunt About This As Possible

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

AG: ...what??

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

GA: Hi Again

AG: Who is thiss??

AG: Wait.

GA: Vriska Its Me

AG: Oh jeez, sso it iss. Ssorry.

GA: Well Ah

GA: There You Have It

AG: Wait. Wait wait wait. Are you sshowing me your blood color?

GA: I

GA: Am

AG: Oh jeez!! Why didn't you ssay sso, ssilly?? }:p

AG: Wow. You've been sso quiet about it with the gray and sstuff. You sset it kinda bright though. Didn't think you were a maroon!!

GA: Oh

GA: Um

GA: Vriska Listen

GA: I Am Not Maroonblooded

AG: ??

GA: This Will Likely Sound Somewhat Bizarre

GA: And You Can Judge Me As Much As You Want As Long As You Accept It As True

GA: But My Blood Is The Same Shade As What You See Here

AG: Yoooooou... have bright red blood. Like, that'ss CANDY colored.

GA: Well

GA: Yes

GA: I Do

AG: Kanaya, are you pulling my horn. }:|

GA: Vriska

GA: I Have Been Honest With You My Whole Life Because I

GA: I Trust You Implicitly And Want To Be True To You

GA: I Am Not Lying When I Say My Blood Is This Shade Of Red

AG: You're sseriouss. You're not lying.

GA: Promise

AG: Wow.

AG: I don't know what to ssay here.

GA: If You Hate Me I Understand

GA: Just Please Let Me Know If Thats The Case

GA: Im So Sorry I Lied To You

AG: Woah there!! I don't HATE you, don't be dumb.

AG: This is just kinda weird!! Ssorta unexpected. Left field.

AG: Okay, sso you have bright red blood? For real? Not maroon or even brown like me??

GA: No I Can Give You Visual Evidence It Is Indeed A Very Intense Shade Of Bright Candy Red

AG: I guessss... huh. There'ss no one elsse with that sshade, iss there??

GA: Well

GA: No

GA: I Suppose I Am A Freak

GA: Or A Mutant

GA: Or Some Other Word To Denote My Deviance From Nature

AG: Woah hey don't ssay you're a freak. }:(

GA: You Dont Think Im A Freak

GA: ?

AG: Well, okay. I think thiss iss kinda sstrange!! Kinda weird. But you're not a freak.

GA: Well What Do You Think I Am

AG: I don't know!! Like, what doess bright red blood mean?? Where the Hell ARE you on thiss goofy casste ladder??

AG: Oh God. Who elsse have you told??!!

GA: Nobody But You

AG: Thank goodnessss!! But... why are you telling me??

GA: Well I Said Before

GA: I

GA: Ah

GA: I Like You

GA: And Trust You

GA: And Didnt Want To Lie To You

AG: Okay... I guessss I appreciate that. SSo... what are you gonna do??

GA: Thats A Good Question

GA: I Suppose I Will Tell The Others

AG: WOAH NO.

GA: Woah Hey Big Letters

GA: Why Not

AG: Kanaya, are you out of your nook??!! What if they decide to do ssomething bad to you?? }:(

GA: Do You Think They Would

AG: I don't know! Half of them are really crazy jerkss!! I don't want you to be hurt.

GA: You

GA: Really Are Worried For My Well Being

GA: ?

AG: Well. SSure. We're friendss, right?? We're sstill friendss??

GA: Friends

GA: Yes We Are

GA: I Am Just Taken Aback You Are Taking This So Well And Have Concerns

AG: Uggggh. Lissten missss bossssyfangss, I don't really care about blood!! I care about SSTUFF. Like people. Like YOU. Okay?? SSo try not to be sstupid about thiss!!

GA: Okay

GA: Please Let Me Express I Am So Very Happy Right Now

GA: I Just Want To Do What I Feel Is Right And Your Acceptance

GA: Means

GA: So So Much To Me

AG: If you ssay sso, ssilly. }:)

GA: I Believe I Must Inform The Others

GA: Then I Can Get Back To You

AG: Kanaya, do you reeeeally think that'ss a good idea??

GA: Honestly

GA: No I Do Not

GA: But I Refuse To Hide This Any Longer

GA: Most Of All I Refuse To Hide It From You

AG: But... why me esspecially??

GA: Uh

GA: Oh Drat I Apologize

GA: I Am Being Pestered By Karkat Of All People

GA: Vriska I Think I Will Start With Him And Go From There

GA: I Promise I Get Back To You Once I Am Done

AG: SSure... I need ssome time to take thiss in anywayss!! Pluss I got choress. Choooooress. }:/

GA: I Am Happy To See That Even Revelations Such As This Do Not Alter Your Daily Life

AG: Kanaya, I'm ssorry, but even if the world wass ending I'd still need to sshovel sshit. }:D

GA: Heh

GA: That Reassures Me

GA: Goodbye For Now Vriska

AG: SSee you!! Lemme know how it goess, okay?

GA: Okay

gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling aurochsGore [AG]

GA: ...

GA: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

*

You're so happy. You're crying; you can't help it. She doesn't hate you AND she's even concerned about you. You've never been so relieved in your life, much less felt so... flushed for someone. You need to tell the others. Your dreams were real. More than that, they didn't tell you how she'd react... that was all faith. Now to see how this goes with everyone else. You feel so liberated for the first time in your life! You're going to paint this ugly gray symbol the brightest red anyone has ever seen.

*

That was the last you heard of Kanaya for a whole dark season.

No matter how much you screamed at the others, they swore, every single one, that they didn't tell anyone or send anything after her, and had no idea what happened.

It was near 12th Perigee's Eve when she contacted you again, by slumping against your door in a bloody insensate heap. She was telling the truth. It was a bright, colorful, mutant candy-red, all over her. She had trusted you with the knowledge first, and even though it had been her choice to reveal it to the others, you still felt guilty about what happened.

Going pale for her was sort of an unspoken conclusion. Not long after that, when you turned to FLARP for her defense instead of just recreation, a man in white came forth.

He made you an offer you wouldn't, COULDN'T refuse.

And so it goes.

Circuitous & Fortuitous

> Kanaya: Rewind.

*

Okay... we can do that. Let's go back. It's funny how things have gone. You remember your complicated little worldly sojourns you'd take after you went on the run. Most of your time was spent huddled behind a rock, or wandering at day under the blistering sun. You'd make a loop, hiding out with your friends as long as possible, making yourself useful as needed and often bringing things with you from hive to hive, forging a big ring of gifts and letters and exchanges.

In your own way, you made everyone closer to one another, regardless of how they felt about you personally. It was funny, you'd later reflect, that you poisoned them with the concept of kindness. Some questioned the establishment, or their own instinctual hatred, and in the end... well. That's way ahead of now.

> Take a stay in Terezi's countryside hive.

*

Uh... no thanks. You never stayed at Terezi's place. It was just something that wasn't going to happen after what you did to her. To your anger and shame, you ended up making it up to her by becoming her personal parcel service. Whenever you were at Vriska's hive, there would inevitably be some maroon-stamped package waiting for you, to be delivered to a friend, usually Karkat. You couldn't say no to doing it; what would Vriska think? Either way, you'd also drop things off too for her to get. Strange knick-knacks, creepy books, mummified bits, anything and everything given to you to be sent to her.

Bad enough she'd often message you when you got a chance to use the internet to mock you somehow. You never did get that sometimes, her mockery ended up changing your course of action, and away from a doomed outcome. Regardless, guilty or not, your opinion of her could be summed as:

'Christ. What an asshole!'

> Be a house-guest at Vriska's hoofbeast ranch.

*

YES!! Er. Sure. Ain't no thing. You usually stayed here the longest and basically entered constant strife with Vriska in your struggle to make yourself useful around the place while she insisted on trying to keep you rested and calm. You usually met halfway.

It was sorta fun relating your tales of your worldly walks, edited carefully to leave out the more unpleasant parts so she wouldn't flip her lid. Tinkerbull would spend half the day sleeping on your head, and it was usually the closest you got to having things feel norma again.

Still, you were very careful to not get TOO attached and enamored to staying there. You were still a danger to her, no matter how nice the silly flushed fantasies of living together were. It was from here you began a circuit around the world.

> Suffer the hospitality of Equius' hivestem.

*

Oh God. Do you have to? Yes, fine, you do. Holy shit was it ever awkward being there. Everything outside of the workshop was an OCD nightmare of perfectly maintained cleanliness and order, which you were nothing but an endless threat to. Not to mention it was hard getting in there to begin with, being a place in the city that was already crawling with watchful eyes. You even had to pretend to be a freakin' robot once, wearing the remains of one of his scrapped projects.

Your stays were quite healthy, at least. After having to scrub yourself raw and getting your clothes washed 15 times and your wounds bandaged until you looked like a mummy, you were usually force-fed delicious baked goods until you felt like you were gonna huarf all over the place. Too many grub cookies. Tasty yummy honey cookies.

please god no more cookies

> Struggle to adapt to the comforts of Gamzee's cave. *

You actually ended up spending a lot more time here than you'd thought. His cavehive was out in the wilderness as it was, surrounded by quiet (that is, incredibly deadly and monster infested) forests, giving you time to stay without too much risk. But ugh, living with him was a... challenge. For one, you had to adjust to the delicious taste of raw meat from beasts you helped him hunt and club senseless. Did he REALLY have to go and start eating them when they were still alive? Plus the cave was smellier than Vriska's stables.

At least he really loved the cookies you brought from Equius, and he was one Hell of a slam poet; it was sometimes fun to join in. You just seriously wish every topic didn't have to revolve around fucking cat puns.

> Have a grand old time at Eridan's place in the Ultimate Hell Desert of Murder.

*

Wow fuck no. No no no. You really would love to, but you did not have the cajones to go rolling half dead through the bright dunes of doom to get to his place. Even if you did have a shoddy bloody deathsaw that was the typical weapon of those who dealt with the undead.

You both just agreed that chatting online was as much help as either of you were going to give or get, and were happy with that. A few times, you were lucky enough to see him when he was visiting Feferi. A fine fellow, if a bit reserved. Didn't matter, really. All the help you never got from him was returned a thousandfold once the game began, though you never knew.

> Relax for a spell under the boughs of Feferi's treehive.

*

Sure! You two were like a couple of-- woah no hold it. You are not going to start with the botanical puns, she'll know and you'll be exposed to them long enough to make flowers sprout out of your damn ears. Heh.

It was a good stay anyways, she was out pretty far and safe where she was. It was a little like Vriska's sometimes, the two of you living like everything was normal and fine and not insane at all, doing gardening and having a good time. But, blugh. All that salad in your diet was a shock. Plus she was weird about her lusus and her sleeping, and just... you liked her, but there was always something OFF about her.

She was really vocal about your blood thing, too. All pro-activism; sometimes you had to calm her down and convince her to not do something that'd get HER killed.

> Survive the combined attentions of Karkat and Aradia at their chateaus.

This is where things got kinda iffy. Not bad, just, tense. Karkat and Aradia had the fortune of living next door to each other, and Mother Grub knows it took a long time to even get to their part of the country.

*

Karkat was a bizarre experience. The spider-eyed blueblood was a gracious host, just... a goddamn weirdo. He liked having you around, if only because you were not a customer, and thus he could try to impress you with the secrets of his 'incredible' relationship counseling skills. He also really liked watching romcoms. Awful ones. He SAID he watched them for instruction, but you know he really liked them, and heck, you liked them well enough to sit through marathons with him. All the same, he was still the most freaking snippy and insulting jackass ever, like this was some tremendous favor to your mutant self. Pissed you off good. Plus, his place was just really unsafe to be at with all the traffic he got and the gluttonous hell-spider waiting nearby. Frequently, you had to sling yourself over to Aradia's to stay safe. Literally, one time. That wasn't fun. The spider webs didn't come out of your hair for a week.

*

Aradia's was... ehhh. The girl had problems. She was constantly locked up in her labs, and you actually never once saw her in person! Instead, she sent Aurthor to attend to you; you tried to be kind and appreciative of his help.

Still awkward, being all alone in her place, seeing the results of experiments past. You did manage to get a lot of reading in that way, though. Still, she could have at least joined you for, shit, tea or something high class like that. But no, you were just too feeble of mind and BORING for her (so was everyone, really). Even your mutated blood wasn't of interest... but you still noticed how discarded bandages vanished. Antisocial little creep. Plus you'd suddenly find yourself kicked out for no known reason, and it was either off to Karkat's again or out into the wild.

> Nervously accept the fortune and grace of Tavros' beachside property.

*

Bless your father's captchalogued claws, this was also trying. Tavros was a... a good guy! Very lucky, fortunate and all that. All about class and fun, not a whole lot like others of his caste.

That is to say not a murderous psycho who likes slurping up the intestines of lowbloods like they were fucking spaghetti.

Yet, despite his ways, he somehow luckily avoided ALL the problems. But still, staying with him was either an ordeal in listening to his philosophical prattle, or watching him chase imaginary faeries during his sopor-slimed moments, which was 90% of the day. He also threw huge expensive parties. To which you were explicitly invited. Which you tried to express was a tremendously bad idea but he just INSISTED. So you went along with it and usually spent half the evening trying not to shit your ultra-expensive dress as you waded through a crowd of less-than-kind highbloods who you prayed didn't recognize your face, as you pretended to be one of them.

Luckily, they somehow never did, despite tons of close calls. After things got too much you usually grabbed a boat and headed off to your next target.

> Fight to not go insane and just off yourself at Sollux and Captor's bizarre hiveship.

*

The most difficult stop you had, for sure. Sollux was a fine fellow. Educated, considerate, pacifist to a fault, high of mind, humble in his dealings with friends, fascinated by history and its consequences, delighted by the implications of your blood. It was always a great time with him.

Captor on the other hand was basically so problematic you both nearly ended up black-flirting with one another every time. Captor's enjoyment of violence wasn't THAT bad, you two were actually pretty alike in that sense, excepting your intense dislike of your capacity for murderous intent. But his philosophies and demented genius pissed you off to no end. His love of order and insistence on adhering to the rituals and traditions of blood were intolerable to you. Not that he actually disliked your mutation; he didn't care. But he did enjoy mocking and disgusting you with warnings of never getting near a pail.

Whenever Captor was around, time was spent in screaming debate over troll society and philosophy, and basically being as huge an asshole to one another as you could get away with before it devolved into attempted murder.

But then things would calm down once Sollux had control, and you'd quickly part ways before things got messy again.

> Go down where's it's wetter, darling it's better, under the s-

YOU CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE WATER. DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE GOOFY FINS POPPING OFF OF YOUR FACE.

*

Okay sorry that was mean. No offense to the sane sea-dwellers, of which there is one, that being Nepeta. Whose sanity is already in question by the entire world. Regardless, she was the third one whose hive you could not stay at, since it was at depths that would pop your adorable little head like a fucking grape under the fat ass of Karkat's lusus. Alas.

Sure, maybe Equius could have created a suit for you, and you could have safely stayed down there. But you all agreed that wouldn't have worked well, and Nepeta had enough on her paws dealing with her lusus. She did other things to help you out, with her limited imperial powers. You got to meet her once when she came out to hunt, at least.

> Begin again.

Yeah... after that, it was time to loop your walks and get moving back on to Vriska's. You'd pass through the suburbs where you once lived on the way, and remind yourself you did this whole stupid fucking thing for a reason. The game. All for the game whose code you found and handed off to the more intelligent members of your social circle. Together you all slowly came to accept what it was, and what your bright dreams and Eridan's dark whispers meant. You all bonded from your visits, or at least came to trust one another enough to go through with the inevitable.

You tried not to regret the foolishness of your choice, and accepted it had to happen, no matter how nasty it got sometimes. You had friends who cared, and you did your best. It had to be for a reason.

*

It just HAD to.

Asshole Ceruleans

*

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CG: HELLO AGAIN, YOU MEDDLESOME RETARD. I SEE YOU'RE ONLINE AT LAST.

GA: Oh Noooooooo

GA: There I Counted Out Eight Did That Tickle Your Nook

CG: SHUT UP.

CG: I ASSUME TODAY IS FINALLY THE DAY YOU FUCK EVERYTHING UP.

GA: Yes And Thank The Mother Grub For That

CG: IS THERE NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE YOUR MIND?

GA: As Far As Im Concered Im Doing You A FAVOR

CG: DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER ALREADY, MARYAM.

CG: BUT YES FINE I SUPPOSE THIS IS A FAVOR.

CG: YOU STILL RUINED A GR8 DEAL I HAD THOUGH.

GA: Karkat With All Due Respect For Your Weird Romance Sleuthing Acumen Your 'GR8' Deal Was Basically A Scam To Feed Your Horrible Lusus

CG: WITH ALL DUE RESPECT MISS MARYAM, YOU CRIMSON AFFRONT TO N8TURE AND GOD, I WAS AND AM AND WILL ALWAYS BE THE GREATEST REL8TIONSHIP COUNSELOR ALTERNIA HAS EVER SEEN, AND IF IT ALSO HELPS FEED MY LUSUS THEN THAT'S MERELY A BENEFICIAL SIDE EFFECT.

GA: Karkat

GA: You Give Rigged Advice With Black Oracles

GA: To Set Blackroms Up To End In Death

GA: So You Have A Nice Steady Supply

GA: WOW I AM ALSO A HUGE WHINEY BITCH WHO LOVES TO SUCK AND FONDLE THE SHIT-STAINED HORNS OF A STUPID STUTTERING BROWN-BLOOD AND BASICALLY WILL NEVER BE LOVED EXCEPT BY PERVERTS WITH A MUTANT FETISH DURR DURR HURRRRRRRR

GA: You

GA: Did Not Just

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

CG: DON'T WORRY MARYAM I JUST NEEDED TO REMIND YOU TO NOT BE SO SELF-RIGHTEOUS. DAMNATION YOUR MIND IS LIKE A MOLDY RECUPERACOON FILLED WITH NAILS AND RANCID GRUBSAUCE.

GA: Just

GA: FUCK

GA: YOU

CG: TEMPER TEMPER. ENOUGH FOREPLAY. LISTEN, I WILL THANK YOU THAT I WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY LUSUS ANYMORE, AND IT MAY BE INTERESTING HAVING TO MANAGE 11 HORMONAL GRUBFUCKERS. I WILL BE A DAMNED CHESSMASTER OF HEARTS AND SPADES. YOU MAY HAVE CRUSHED MY DREAMS OF BECOMING A THRESHECUTIONER AND MASTER ROMANCER, BUT I GUESS I'LL COME OUT AHEAD ON THIS ANYWAYS. FINDING THOSE RUINS WITH THE CODE WAS ABOUT THE ONLY USEFUL THING YOU'VE EVER DONE.

GA: Id Tell You To Just MANIPUL8 Your Smug Self Into Your Lusus' Maw But I Have To Deal With You Anyways So Fine You Are Welcome

CG: WHATEVER, MARYAM. TAKE 8 SECONDS TO YANK YOUR LUSUS' ROTTEN CLAW OUT OF YOUR CHUTE SO YOU CAN END THE PITY PARTY AND GET ON WITH THIS. HAVE EQUIUS SEND IT TO ME WHEN IT'S READY SO I CAN START THE MIND GAMES.

GA: Ugh Fine

GA: It Will Be In Our Possession Before The Night Is Over

CG: EXCELLENT

GA: And Karkat

GA: On The Topic Of Brown-Blood Girls And Infatuations

GA: Just Remember I Happen To Have Heard Through My Sources That Someone Has 8 Eyes Forming A Curious <3 Shape In The Direction Of A Certain Maroon-Blooded Girl With A Fondness For Law

GA: So

GA: Try Not To Antagonize Me Too Much

CG: WAIT

CG: WHAT

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling cunningGangewifre [CG] --

Grubloaf

*

Oh man. Grubloaf. Chewy and hot, covered in grubsauce... she's gonna make you some! Okay, sure, when she makes it she sorta burns it a bit and it's made out of hoofbeasts she had to put down, but you don't care! You're really Goddamn hungry, and she cooks it with LOVE. All the spice you need. But mostly the hunger helps. GRUBLOOOOAF. <3

Bloodrage

Listen, it's not a topic you really enjoy discussing. It's not important.

But... okay. You admit you sort of have an anger problem.

The others don't know. Well, they don't know how bad it is... except Terezi, who knows firsthand, but has never told the others. Not even Vriska. Sure, they all know you have a short fuse and sometimes your shit flys off the handle and into a pile of harsh words you come to later regret.

But it gets worse than that. No, it doesn't somehow give you super strength or ultra agility or anything fancy. It doesn't even give you endurance, or at least any more than you usually have to spare. It's fucking exhausting and painful. All it does is make you a screaming, murderous, hate-blinded psycho. Fire pours into your veins, the world goes red, your body hits overdrive and you just keep going until the haze clears and you kiss the floor for a little bit of nap time.

It's way more trouble than it's worth. You don't like losing control. You REALLY don't want the others to know how much of a liability you could be. Maybe now that things are more ordered and less shithive maggots you'll be able to keep a lid on it. Steady food, sleep, and contact with others will help, surely -- sleep especially! Good thing nothing bad will ever happen to that little mental retreat.

But still...

Sometimes...

You just

Get

So

*

MAD

Sanguine

*

Fuck.

*

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.

Well THAT could have gone better. You have to hand it to the Empire, it was pretty slick of them to find a way to deal with you by classifying you as a 'rare unique mob' in FLARP, with rewards to compare. Bastards.

Some of your friends who used to play it have suffered for that. Vriska used to just play the infernal game for fun, before she got really serious about it to help take down players who decide to hunt you. Now she's one of the best and the only one of your friends still doing it, nearly fanatical in competition to make sure you have less to deal with.

You feel awfully guilty about it.

Either way, they did a fine job this time. You've lost a lot of blood and got it all over the goddamn place, like a great big stinking red X on a map titled 'KILL ME PLEASE'. It isn't actually the blood loss that bothers you, just the obvious trail it leaves. Whatever mutant power your freak blood gives you seems to be a near immunity to exsanguination; the crap just keeps coming. Well, sure, you're also prone to exhausting fits of screaming bloodrage, but you choose to blame circumstances on that little problem. Either way, you're surprised you haven't passed out yet.

You clean up in a pond nearby, since you're so close to Vriska's place. You'd really hate to look like a total slaughterhouse leftover, since she's already worried as is, and probably stayed up all day to make sure you got there safely. Look, she's already waiting outside her hive; you're at least going to try to be smooth about this, play it off all cool and charming, instead of just taking her up in a crushing embrace.

*

There she is. Aw yeah, you can do this. You always have special little injoke greetings for each of your friends when you have to hide at their hives; you save the most personal ones for her. You start with a needle-sharp "Well Hello There Tall Gray And Handsome Maybe This Little Lady Could Ask A Favor And Spend The Night Wi--"

*

Oh, whoops, hold on. Hold on. Your body is taking a quick consensus on this whole "pass out from exposure and blood loss" thing.

Okay great let's see what it decided.

*

YES. You pass right the hell out in the middle of your suave greeting. Vriska is freaked out, you're completely out of it, and you're bleeding all over her lawnring. This could not have gone any better.

You gotta hand it to yourself, sometimes you are just so SMOOTH

Bunch of Bull's Shit

*

Uggggh. What a day this is turning out to be. You are just all nines of kinds of flustered. At least Kanaya is okay. You crammed her into the spare recuperacoon after making sure she wasn't ACTUALLY going to die, and now you're gonna try to make something for her to eat. Something to distract yourself from the stuttering spitting fits of hysteria you feel welling up.

You sort of miss those times when you two could be actual friends together without the threat of stabs or mobs or grub-guided tactical missiles or whatever always looming over every visit. Those were... good days. Better ones. Anyways. Work to do; you're wicked busy with chores today and people won't stop bugging you! All about that game you're supposed to play. Well, you KNOW it's real because Kanaya said so, and the others are in such a goddamn tizzy over it.

You guess you just feel weird that it's actually happening. Leave this world, beat a game, get to start a new life? Well, the specifics on that were kind of vague, but Hell, you'll take it. You're already a total boss at FLARP; how hard could this be? Plus...

You're just not cut out for this shit, really. Sure, you're as hyper-competitive and agressive as any good troll, but years of time with your lusus, animal care and communion, listening to the weird drivel Nepeta spouts off, butchering FLARP fanatics to protect Kanaya, the whole stupid persecution of mutant red blood thing, the blah blah blah BLUH.

You don't know what you want, but it sure as Hell isn't this. Okay fine enough of the self-pity. You have manure to shovel, meat to burn, a lusus to appease, shingles to, uh, shing, a Kanaya to feed...

Kanaya. Whenever you think about her yo--

*

SPIT on a griddle you lost your train of thought. What now??!!

Oh. Him. Right, you left him a message a while ago. Ergh. Okay you better deal with this. Turns out you don't need his help at the moment, but best to keep things friendly. You feel mildly bad about using him all the time for favors and stuff, but if he's gonna be a gullible bumbling flirtatious doofus...

*

-- aleatoryTheosophist [AT] began trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

AT: uhh, greetings my, faIR LAdy, how aRE YOU DOING THIS MAgicaL EVENING,

AT: I Am returning the messaGE YOU SENT TO ME,

AG: Tavross!! Uh hi. I'm fine. Dandy-ssandy. Or ssomething. But yess I did ssend a messssage earlier that turned out to be unecessssary!! Ssorry about that.

AT: I Am sure thaT A laDY OF YOUR FAeric quaLITY, HAd aN EAsy time dispelling, uh, whaTEVER ISSUE THAt plaGUED YOU,

AG: Yup! Ssure did! Kinda. Mosstly. Anywayss it'ss all cool here now.

AT: WELL GOOD, BECAuse it uh, aLLOWS ME TIME, TO Ask you if you would entertaIN THIS, GENTLEMAn's invintaTION TO PLAy on his side in the upcoming, engaGEMENT,

AG: What the Hell.

AG: I mean. What could you ever be talking about?? }:o

AT: THE GAme we aRE HOPING TO PLAy, which, is staRTING TODAy,

AT: aND THERE HAs been taLK OF SPLITTING US INTO TEAms, one red aND ONE BLUE,

AT: Along lines of, uh, division, between those of higher blood aND LOWER,

AT: MOSTLY, I GUESS, THEY WISH TO UH, MAke the lower ones center a TEAM Around, kaNAya

AG: They. By which you mean probably Ssollux or Aradia. Are making teamss. With casste divissionss. Bassically sso they don't gotta be on a team with Kanaya. Even if we're all going into the ssame game.

AT: I GUESS SO,

AT: DESPITE THAt, i, waS HOPING YOU WOULD Accept my invite to be on my teaM, THE BLUE ONE, OR WAs it red,

AG: I'm pretty flattered! Pretty honored. But I think I gotta sstick to Kanaya'ss team! Or you know ignore that there are teamss ssince it sseemss like a really dumb idea.

AT: but then, thaT MEAns, we will not be on the saME SIDE,

AG: Good thing I got a sshiny little faerie plan!! It is the besst plan.

AT: OH, HOORAy, whaT IS IT, FAerie plaNS Are the most intriguing,

AG: Ssimple!!

AG: You're gonna be on my team. The cherry team or red team or losser team or whatever it iss. There, plan done!! I am ringing a magic bell full of glitter to commemorate thiss.

AT: then, excellent, i will prepaRE TO Align myself with you and whoever you choose,

AG: Good!! Great. Fantasstic. I'm wicked ssorry but I gotta dassh! Mythic faerie dutiess to attend to before we play thiss goofy game. Like sshoveling 500 poundss of mysstical sstink loam.

AT: then, i will see you laTER, FAir laDY OF THE WILD LAnds,

-- aurochsGore [AG] ceased trolling aleatoryTheosophist [AT] --

He's a weird one. Blessed as the old sun. He has all the luck! All of it. Shame, really. He's actually close to intelligent when he's not spaced out on sopor, which is once in a blue double-moon. He's the only one besides Kanaya you've ever been able to be assertive with, granted in different ways.

Either way he just has this THING with freaking faeries that is so dumb, and he's all over you because he thinks you're a faerie (okay fine never-MIND your FLARP class is a Glitternisse Tintinnabulumer), mostly because of your fluttery and fae lusus, and you play it up to curry favors and goodwill from a member of the land-aristrocracy. Mostly to other's benefit, never really your own.

Anyways you guess the point is, in harsher words than you'd ever use, is that of COURSE faeries are real you stupid sack of shit! Just not how he wants them to be like when he trips out. Whatever,

you don't have TIME for that dumb sstuff!!

*

There, God, we're on the move. That hoofbeast shit ain't gonna shovel itself. Plus you gotta pick one to put down so you can make dinner. One of these days you think you'll learn how to actually cook. Then maybe it'll taste like something other than charred remains.

*

Huh. Awfully quiet in here.

Wait. Oh no. You forgot. Your lusus. Your insatiable lusus! He's coming for you!!

*

There he is. God save you. He's upset for sure, for you have neglected to attend to his needs. For he is eternally ravenous for one thing...

*

HE HUNGERS FOR HUGS AND KISSES. Oh nooooooooo!!

Okay there done his terrible needs are sated for day. Whew!

Really, he is the best lusus ever. You love him lots. It's a good thing that he's great and you're great and you'd never do anything incredibly stupid and stuttering that'd end up compromising his somewhat fragile health and well being.

Does anyone have a lusus as awesome as yours?

You doubt it.

Butthead Yellows

God, please. You just want to sleep. Just sleep and dream of so many happier things. You can see her there. You've always seen her and the others there, not yet awake, and you go to 'sleep' at her side, whispering reassuring prophecies into her ear. Your one comfort apart from the clouds. And now yo--

*

GOD. DAMMIT.

You're awake. Piss OFF you're awake, okay? God. 5 more minutes is all you wanted. All you needed. Had to end just now, didn't it? Ugh.

You wake up, feeling achey and drowsy in Vriska's guest-recuperacoon in her room. Well. YOUR recuperacoon, technically. You're the only one who has ever used it. She's nowhere to be found, and you're being pestered by... oh God. Not him. But of course it is. You have to get the game from him after all. Ugh. Fine. Better do this while soaked in sopor to ease the pain.

Let's rock.

*

-- circuitsTremor [CT] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CT: -(Kanaya Maryam)(Are you awake ye+)

GA: As Much As I Direly Wish I Were Not

GA: I Am Now Awake Equius

GA: Hello

CT: -(He11o freak-b1ooded scum)(I wish you a good evening, no+ +ha+ you can apprecia+e +he concep+)

GA: Yes Good Evening To You Too

GA: Is It Ready Yet

CT: -(I am s+i11 u++er1y ÷ on +he issue of a11owing you possession of +his game and access +o i+s power)(Bu+ I have no choice in +he ma++er)

GA: Equius Please Just This Once Can We Skip The Hemo Talk And Simply Pretend We Are Both As Bloodless As The Robots You Fetishsize So Much

CT: -(+ha+ wou1d be comp1e+e1y ine×cusab1e)(Regard1ess +he game is ready and wi11 be ÷ among us and +he o+her 10 wi+hin +he ne×+ few hours)

GA: Then Its Going Off Without A Hitch So Far

GA: Is Nepeta Aware

CT: -(Freak-b1ood I forbid you from using her name)(Bu+ yes +he Dread Empress is prepared and an+icipa+es our p1aying)

GA: Ugh Too Tired To Get Mad But Fine Good To Know

GA: I Know You Are In Moirallegiance With Her But You Do Not Need To Be So Protective And Deferential

CT: -(Uh I)(Am uncomfor+ab1e wi+h +ha+ +erm)

CT: -(One as ye11ow and debased as I has no righ+ +o be ca11ed more +han a 1ow1y 1and-craw1ing 1oya1 servan+ +o Her E×ce11encey)(And I wi11 obey her edic+ +o a11ow you +o 1ive and serve her +hrough +he game)

GA: As Much As I Dislike You Sometimes Equius You Shouldnt Sell Yourself So Short

GA: Mother Grub Knows Why But She Values You As A Friend And I Wish You Would Listen To Her More

CT: -(I repea+ +ha+ you have no p1ace +o +e11 someone even as 1ow of cas+e as me wha+ I shou1d do)(Bu+ she said +o +rus+ you and so I wi11)

GA: Right I See The Game Coming Through

GA: Are We Done Here Can I Please Go Back To Sleep

CT: -(Yes I be1ieve we shou1d ÷ ourse1ves from +his conversa+ion)(+ry no+ +o do any+hing +oo foo1ish or degenera+e on accou+ of your disgus+ing mu+a+ion)

GA: Oh Yes Equius I Promise I Will Do All I Can To Not Allow My Blood To Make Me Inexplicably Failure Prone Thus Dooming Us All

GA: I Will Scrape And Grovel And Pray My Hemo Betters Will Guide Me Away From Ruin

CT: -(E×ce11en+)(You sound so reasonab1e when you accep+ your place)

-- circuitsTremor [CT] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

GA: I Am Going To Type Something Here

GA: Just For My Own Record

GA: DX< !!!

Goofy Magentas

*

-- argonCharybdis [AC] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

AC: >:ε ~her dread and most terrible empurress draws near on her mighty chariot pulled by her army of sea kittens!~

GA: Oh My

GA: I Can Only Prostrate Myself In Terror

AC: >:ε ~the empurress stops to look down at the lowly land dwelling mutant who dares call herself a troll~

AC: >:ε ~she is enraged!!~

GA: 'Oh Great Empress' I Say As My Lip Quavers 'Please Spare Me From Being Culled Even Though I Am a Filthy Aberration'

AC: >:ε ~her majesty refuses to listen to such words~

AC: >:ε ~she swims into the air even though this is on land and dives for her purrey!~

GA: I Look Up And Can Only Intone

GA: 'Aiiiieeeeeeee'

AC: >:ε ~the terrible mutant troll is tackled and taken into a great big deadly super mighty culling~

AC: Xε ~HUG!~

GA: 'Ahhhhh I Am Slain By Hugs And Snuggles Nooooo'

GA: Collapse

*

AC: :ε ~ KANAYA!

GA: Hello Dread And Most Terrible Empress Nepeta

AC: :ε ~ this is pawssibly the most exciting night ever isnt it!

GA: For A Given Value Of Exciting Yes

GA: I Spoke With Equius And He Informed Me That You Are Aware Of The Games Distribution

AC: <:ε ~ i am! i had to give him explicit purrmission to send it to me before he would even SEND it to me but i have it and am ready!

GA: I Want To Say I Wish It Could Have Turned Out Differently For Our Species

GA: You Never Had A Chance To Be The Empress And Enact Changes

GA: Even If Eridan Says We Are Assured Of Continuation It Will Not Be The Same

AC: <:ε ~ dont worry about it so much kanaya!

AC: :ε ~ i mean this way all of our silly blood colors will be unique!

AC: :ε ~ MINE is unique already so im a mutant just like you!!

AC: >xε ~ soon we'll ALL be mutants so no more fighting or purroblems <3

GA: That Is One Way To Look At It

GA: I Never Thanked You Properly For Having Done So Much To Keep Me Alive

AC: :ε ~ its fine!

AC: <:ε ~ im just sorry i couldnt have done more

AC: :ε ~ but since you cant breathe water i couldnt kεεp you down below!

GA: Heh

GA: I Think Its Okay Either Way

GA: Tonight It All Ends And We Move On To Something More

AC: :ε ~ yes!

AC: xε ~ i hope there are oceans so i can release my little kittens

GA: Well Um

GA: I Dont Know Really I Would Think There Would Be Some

AC: :ε ~ it would be so purrfect

AC: :ε ~ anyways i better hurry up and get to starting this game kanaya!

GA: Youre Right We Do Not Have As Much Time As We Think

GA: I Am Safely At Vriskas Hive And Ready To Start The Game

AC: :ε ~ make sure to give her a culling from me!

GA: I Will Do So

AC: :ε ~ and make it to your hive soon so you can start!

GA: I Will Also Do So

-- argonCharybdis [AC] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

Heh! You like her a lot. It's a shame. You really do believe she could have been the start of a new era. You wouldn't have to be a mutant... wouldn't have to be afraid. Alas. The world is about to get the living pigshit beaten out of it. Just as well.

wait a fucking second what did she just say

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling argonCharybdis [AC] --

GA: Nepeta Wait What Was That About Going To My Hive

AC: :ε ~ didnt equius tell you??

GA: Tell Me WHAT

AC: <:ε ~ he said you have to be in a hive of your own for the game to accept you in!

GA: You

GA: Have To

GA: What

AC: <:ε ~ ...youre at vriskas hive?

AC: :ε ~ you better hurry!!!!

GA: SHIT

-- gloomyApoplectic's [GA] PDA has been thrown into a wall --

AC: <:ε ~ well thats just pawful :(

Murderous Maroons

Okay, right. You gotta book! You jusst gotta hurry the HHell up and get your rred assss outta hhere ass ssoon ass possssible!!!! Woah wait no you mean you should Hastily Abscond When Feasible. The world is already starting to die, and it's a Goddamn LONG haul to the remains of your hive from here.

You did manage to eat your grubloaf before you nearly smashed through the wall to leave, though. Like Hell you were gonna vanish without appreciating that tasty mess of black-burnt meat. Even managed to sneak in a goodbye-embrace. Anyways no time to l--

*

oh jegus she's pestering you

NO WAIT don't use that name!!! She'll KNOW. God why is she pestering you? She freaks you the holy fuck OUT. It usually means something incredibly horrible is about to happen. Okay. Eugh. Maybe if you ignore it she'll...

oh god

*

-- guillotineCatastrophe [GC] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

GC: h3h3h3

GC: h1 k4n4y4

GC: k4n4y4

GC: 1 know your3 th3r3 k4n4y4

GC: 4nsw3r m3

GA: Oh

GA: Ah

GA: Hello Terezi

GA: I Am Sorry I Was Distracted

GC: 4 h4lf truth is st1ll 4 L13 K4N4Y4

GC: you ar3 the worst li4r k4n4y4

GC: 1 c4n h34r your br1ght pr3tty blood puls3 and squ1rm 1ns1d3 of you wh3n you do >8)

GC: 4nd s33 how it cr4wls und3r your sk1n m4k1ng lov3ly p4tt3rns

GC: k4n4y4 som3t1m3s 1 w4nt to b1t3 your fl3sh off 4nd s33 wh4ts und3rn34th

GC: but you BL33D so much 1 dont h4v3 to! >8D

GA: Okay Wow I Am Sorry But This Is Becoming Incredibly Uncomfortable

GA: I Am Sort Of In A Hurry So What Do You Want

GC: k4n4y4 you d13 so m4ny t1m3s 1 4lmost c4nt stop l4ugh1ng

GC: just so m4ny cut3 l1ttl3 r3d k4n4y4 corps3s flopp1ng 4round

GA: WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND STOP TORMENTING ME YOU HORRIBLE GIRL

GC: h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3

GC: 1 l1k3 1t wh3n you g3t M4D k4n4y4 1 c4n s33 4 br1ght m4ss of w4rm burn1ng R3D >8)

GA: Please Just Leave Me Alone Terezi

GA: I Swear I Am Sorry For What Happened To Your Sight And Hearing

GC: K444N444Y444

GC: 1v3 n3v3r s41d th1s b3for3

GC: but 1 hav3 4lw4ys forg1v3n you for th4t!

GC: just1c3 1s s3rv3d

GC: 4s long 4s you k33p bl33d1ng >8D

GA: I Am Going To Ask One More Time

GA: WHAT DO YOU WANT

GC: dont b3 scar3d of m3 k4n4y4

GC: 1 4m b3n3vol3nt >8)

GC: 1 just w4nt3d to t3ll you sh3 w1ll st4rt glubb1ng soon

GC: 4nd 1 4m sorry 1 w1ll b3 too busy to 3xp3r13nc3 4ll of your blood loss

GC: but r3m3mb3r no m4tter how much 1t hurts you h4v3 to k33p mov1ng no m4tt3r WHAT

GC: OK >8?

GA: If I Can Be Excused I Have No Precious FUCKING Idea What You Mean By That And Pray You Swiftly Enter This Game So I Never Have To Deal With You Again

GA: It Is Bad Enough You Are Always There In Prospit Just Staring

GC: h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3

GA: Ugh WHAT

GA: What Is So Damn Funny

GC: 1m 4lr34dy 1N k4n4y4

GC: b3tt3r hurry! >8D

GA: I Dont See How Vriska Or Even Karkat Can Put Up With You

GC: vr1ska 1s 4 br1ght 4mb3r 3cho who w4s 4lw4ys th3r3 for m3 3v3n wh3n putt1ng up w1th YOU

GC: 4nd k4rk4t 1s just th3 loud3st 4nd most sinc3r3 littl3 p3r1w1nkl3 grub wh3n h3 1s put to th3 t3st so 1 cut h1m som3 sl4ck! >8p

GA: You Know What I Dont Even Care

GA: I Have To Run So Enjoy Being Tremendously Creepy And Lording Your Strange Insights Over Others

GC: 4lw4ys my pl34sur3 miss r4d1o4ct1v3-r3d

GC: my only r3gr3t is th4t youll n3v3r g3t to s33 how m4ny t1m3s you D13 >8D

-- guillotineCatastrophe [GC] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

Meowrails

B1UH.

Such a bother. Such a constant distraction. It's taking all your noodly-armed willpower to not flip out. Managing this game while doing your best to keep loyal to every relationship and rule of the spectrum, all while the world ends, such a BOTHER. As always you are of two minds on the topic.

You just got done talking to the freakshow horrorblood mutant. Made you shiver. You suppose it's a blessing that the game started now; after Vriska, she would have wound her way to your hivestem apartment to hide next. Oh, you would have shown her the power of the caste rank for sure. She would be once again reminded of her place, how it's DONE.

Usually you did that by setting out the best plates you had, making sure she was fed to the point of stomach ache, fixing up her worthless poorly built chainsaw, washed and ironed her clothes whether she wanted it or not, and you would sleep on the floor of your workshop while she had your freshly re-sopored recuperacoon, and THEN she'd be sent her on her way with some mind honey cookies once it was time to depart.

Disgusting mutant leper abomination would understand how incredible your lowly yellow caste was then. You mean, you... don't have psychic powers like most of your blood, you're in the bottom rungs, and your only real skills is your ability to lick boot and your exceptionally dextrous hands; you're quite skilled at mechanical work and archery. It's good you're not a sweaty meat-handed brawling freak. You're just a much more boring kind of freak, honestly. But at least you're not a mutant!!

Okay God you're sliding into pathetic shiveirng self-deference again. You have to keep it together for the Empress' sake. She's depending on you here as a moirail, and you have to be strong in the face of the coming social trials. You think you'll bake a mind honey grubcake as you micromanage the game's distribution. The stuff tastes awesome, it's the one nice thing about not being psychic like most of your caste. Maybe the Empress will want one? Oh God you're gonna meet her. Oh Lord you're going to look like such a disgusting me-

Woops, looks like you got a message to respond to, and it isn't Vriska or Terezi (thank GOD), so you have to respond right away. Even if this guy kind of makes you kind of... flustered and nervous, and he's only one step above you.

*

-- temperamentallyCarnivorous [TC] began trolling circuitsTremor [CT] --

TC: PoUnCe pOuNcE MeOwThErFuCkEr!! >X3

CT: -(Mus+ you a1ways do +ha+)(Is i+ abso1u+e1y necessary)

TC: WhAt iS Up mY MuStArDy bOw-bRo?

CT: -(I am preparing +o en+er +he game)(You shou1d be doing +he same)

TC: ItS GoOd yOu bRoUgHt tHaT Up

TC: CuZ ThErEs bEeN SoMe sErIoUs mEoWnSeNsE A-PaW!

CT: -(Did you serious1y say meownsense)(+ha+ is no+ even a 1ogica1 wordp1ay)

TC: SeE MaN YoU ArE AlL MaKiNg lIkE A PuRrBeAsT AnD PrEtEnDiNg nOtHiNg iS WrOnG!

CT: -(If you wou1d e×p1ain wha+ +he issue is)(I wou1d be happy +o make sense of +he prob1em)

TC: TeAmS My bOw-mAn

CT -(+eams)(Wha+ +eams precise1y)

TC: NoW CoMe oN EqUiUs dOnT StEp oN My tAiL

TC: WeRe aLl bRoS HeRe aNd i wAs tOlD WhAt wAs gOiNg oN

CT: -(You are being par+icu1ary serious and for+hrigh+)(I wi11 admi+ +ha+ I have open1y accep+ed a ÷ of p1ayers for our endeavor)

TC: SeE NoW ThIs iS MaKiNg mE HiSs uP A StOrM >:3

CT: -(I am on1y submi++ing +o higher au+hori+y)(Ive accep+ed my p1ace in +he spec+rum as a1ways)

TC: BrO YoU KnOw tHiS LiOn lIkEs tO Do wHaT He cAn tO LoOk aFtEr hIs pRiDe

TC: AnD HaViNg uS SpLiT LiKe tHiS AiNt rIgHt, ItS PaWfUl

CT: -(You have been speaking wi+h +he Dread Empress)(Haven'+ you)

TC: I GuEsS ThE CaTs oUt tHe bAg mEoOoOoOoOoOw x3

CT: -(I wi11 never unders+and +he end1ess 1ove for fe1ines)(And wordp1ays revo1ving around +hem)

TC: CaNt cHaNgE ThE SuBjEcT MaN

TC: GoT ThE ScEnT Of yOuR BlOoD, aLl sTaLkInG YoU UnAwArEs

CT: -(Gamzee I unders+and your concerns)(Bu+ I have promised +o obey +he cas+e divisions as se+ down by roya1+y)

CT: -(We wi11 s+i11 be on +he same +eam +oge+her)(I+ ends wi+h Eridan before i+ sp1i+s)

TC: ThE OnLy rEaSoN FoR ThE SpLiT Is sO SoMe oF ThE HiGhEr bLoOdS CaN JuStIfY BeInG ToTaLlY UnCoOl!

TC: I Am gOnNa lEvEl wItH YoU MaN, i dOnT LiKe tHeM PuShInG YoU ArOuNd, ThOsE MoThErFuCkErS ArE LyInG AnD GeTtInG Me pIsSeD

CT: -(P1ease +ry +o unders+and)(+his is jus+ how +hings mus+ be +o sus+ain order)

TC: DuDe iM NoT SuRe iF YoU ToOk a lOoK At tHe sAvAnNaH Of lAtE, bUt wErE GoNnA Be dOwN To tHe 12 Of uS!

TC: ThErE IsNt gOnNa bE AnY MoRe oRdEr tO KeEp, JuSt aLl uS BrOs oN ThE PuRrOwL ToGeThEr

CT: -(A11 +he more reason we mus+ preserve our +radi+ions)(O+herwise +here wi11 be every e×cuse for irra+iona1 and dangerous behavior)

TC: FoR MeOwS SaKe mAn, SoMe oF ThEsE DuDeS IdEa oF RaTiOnAl wOuLd iNcLuDe pUtTiNg yOu iN A BaG AnD DrOwNiNg yOu

TC: I GuEsS ShE DoEsNt hAvE YoUr sUpPoRt tHeN, bUmMeR!

CT: -(Wha+)(Who does no+ have my suppor+)

TC: WhO Do yOu tHiNk bRoThEr? YoUr lAdY FrIeNd tHe eMpUrReSs! :3

CT: -(She a1ways has my suppor+)(Never EVER ques+ion +ha+)

TC: BuT ShE DoEsNt mAn, If yOuRe gOnNa iNsIsT On sTiCkInG To tHiS BlOoD CaStE ScHeMe

CT: -(She is now +he Empress in fu11)(She wi11 decide wha+ is and is no+ a11owed)

TC: >x3 !!

CT: -(Now wha+)(Are you hiding some+hing)

TC: DuDe yOu kNoW As wElL As i tHaT ShE AiNt gOnNa dIg kEePiNg tO CaStEs! My aQuAtIcAt sIsTeR Is aLl fOr aBdIcAtInG AnD ShIt sO We cAn aLl bE BrOs

CT: -(Regard1ess if she keeps +o i+ or no+, which is her choice)(I wi11 s+i11 be compe11ed +o obey +hose of higher rank)

TC: OkAy mAn, So wHaT If sHe tElLs yOu tO KeEp yOuR PaWs oFf tHe bLoOd cAsTeS?

CT: -(We11)(+hen I wi11 obey)

TC: BuT If yOu oBeY JuSt bEcAuSe sHeS HiGhEr cAsTe tHaN YoU ThEn wHaT MeOwThErFuCkIn rIgHt dO YoU GoT PrEtEnDiNg yOu aRe aBaNdOnInG ThE BlOoD BuLlShIt? >:3

CT: -(Urg)(You are presen+ing an obno×ious mora1 parado×)

TC: My fInE YeLlOw bOw-bRo, LeT ThIs cHiLl tAlKiN' tIgEr aSk wHaT YOU WaNt

TC: InStEaD Of tElLiN Me yOuRe gOnNa dO WhAt tHe hIgHeR CaStEs sAy, TeLl mE WhAt tHe wIcKeD FuCkEr wHo iS ThE CaTs mEoW WaNtS OuT Of tHiS

CT: -(Im no+ rea11y a+ 1iber+y +o say)(I have on1y ever wan+ed wha+ +he ru1e of 1aw has dic+a+ed as proper)

TC: CoMe oN MaN

TC: tHiS CaT Is tOtAlLy hOpPiN InTo yOuR LaP, sMiLiN AnD DiSaRmIn yOu wItH HiS ApUrRaBlE FaCe... >x3

CT: -(Er)(We11)

CT: -(I suppose)(Keeping my moirai1 happy wou1d be my rea1 desire)

CT: -(Perhaps +ime +o be 1ef+ a1one)(+o work wi+h my machines)

TC: SeE MaN EvEn yOu jUsT WaNt sOmE FuCkIn tImE To sTrEtCh oUt aNd tAkE A CaTnAp

TC: So hOw aBoUt wE CuT OnE AnOtHeR A DeAl

TC: I Am aLl oN YoUr kNeEs mAn, KnEaDiNg mY ClAwS InTo tHoSe sKiNnY LeGs oF YoUrS

TC: So i pUrRaY YoUrE LiStEnInG ClOsE :3

CT: -(Uh)(I am 1is+ening in+en+1y)

TC: It wOuLd bE ReAlLy aPpReCiAtEd iF YoU WeRe a bRo fIrSt aNd a yElLoWbLoOd sEcOnD, yEaH?

TC: If yOu cOuLd dO WhAt yOuR FrIeNdS AsK BeCaUsE We cArE AnD NoT BeCaUsE We'rE AlL HaViNg tHe fInEr cOaT Of fUr oR SoMeThIn

TC: We cAn mAkE SuRe tHe pEoPlE WhO ArE WaNtIn tEaMs dOnT GeT In tHe wAy oF Us pLaYiNg oUr wIcKeD AsS JuNgLe gAmEs

TC: We cAn aLl wOrK ToGeThEr aS A PrIdE

TC: AnD We wIlL Be tHeRe fOr yOu mY WiCkEd mUsTaRd bOtMaStEr

TC: DoEs tHaT SoUnD LiKe a gOoD PlAn tO YoU?

CT: -(I suppose)(+ha+ I find +he +erms of +ha+ p1an agreeab1e)

TC: Oh wHoOpS PrEsSeD My cLaWs iN A BiT ToO TiGhT

TC: SoRrY AbOuT ThAt mAn jUsT MaKiN SuRe yOuRe nOt tElLiN Me tHiS JuSt bEcAuSe iM A StEp uP FrOm yOu oN ThIs fUnKy cOlOrFuL PaRaDiSe lInE

CT: -(I promise I am 1is+ening in a capaci+y)(+ha+ does no+ inc1ude +he hemospec+rum)

TC: MeOwNdErFuL! >x3

TC: YoUr wIcKeD SiStEr oF ThE DeEp wIlL Be pUrRiNg uP A StOrM Of bUbBlEs wHeN YoU TeLl hEr tHe nEwS

TC: AnYwAyS DuDe i gOtTa gEt sTaLkIn, ShIt iS GoInG DoWn fAsT!

CT: -(Um of course)(G1ad we cou1d +a1k)

-- temperamentallyCarnivorous [TC] ceased trolling circuitsTremor [CT] --

AhAhAhAhAhAhA MeEeEeOoOoOoOoOoW >X3

Okay so maybe you were a little aggressive with him there. But you had to nip that tuft of fur in the tail before it turned into a set of clipped claws.

...

Wow, okay, you'll lay off the awful MeOwThErFuCkIn cAt pUnS, you're just sort of worked up and love using them. You better get in touch with your glubbin sea kitten counterpart!

*

-- temperamentallyCarnivorous [TC] began trolling argonCharybdis [AC] --

TC: WoRd uP My mEoWrAcUlOuS wAvE-CrEsTiNg hIsS-SiS! :3

AC: xε ~the curious kitten under the waters surfaces to meow glubbily at the noble green purrbeast!~

TC: ThIs wIcKeD MoThErFuCkIn lIoN iS AlL PaCiNg bAcK AnD FoRtH WiTh tHe rEmAiNs oF ThE HuNt iN HiS MoUtH

TC: He iS AlL TeLlIn tHe qUeEn oF ThE AqUaTiCaTs tHaT He tOoK CaRe oF ThE PuRrObLeM >x3

AC: :ε ~ thats good to know! i am really grateful.

AC: <:ε ~ i hope you werent TOO vicious about it.

TC: NaH My sIsTeR I WaS FiRm bUt nOt tOo cRuEl, OuR GoOd lItTlE YeLlOw mAn wAs wIlLiNg tO LiStEn tO WhAt tHe jUnGlE HaD To tElL HiM

AC: xε ~ purrrrrrfect.

AC: <:ε ~ i am really worried for him! the others would take advantage of him so quickly, itd be pawful.

AC: xε ~ this way we can all start to work together as a real team, no more of this silly split-rainbow meownsense.

TC: As lOnG As tHe oThEr bIg-bLuEs dOnT GeT ToO RoWdY ThEn fUcK YeAh!

TC: ThOuGh i gOtTa wOnDeR SiStEr, WhY Is oUr bOw-bRo nEeDiN YoU So mUcH AnYwAyS?

TC: DuDe iS PrEtTy hArMlEsS AlL On hIs mEoWn! :3

AC: xε ~the dread empuress gives a bubbly kitten giggle at the silly question!!~

TC: Uh

TC: ThIs cUrIoUs cAt aInT FoLlWiNg, AnD HiS TaIl iS AlL A-FlIcK

AC: :ε ~ im the one who needs him as a moirail, dummy!

TC: WoAh rEaLlY?

AC: xε ~ if it wasnt for me knowing him, i dont think id EVER have ended up as pawcified as i am now.

AC: >:ε ~ i used to be pretty bad about landdwellers and all that silliness! hunting them and their lusus for my own was impawsibly fun

AC: xε ~ and sometimes i still find myself wanting to experience the power of the hunt and all the mewling it causes

AC: <:ε ~ but knowing equius sort of convinced me that was pretty apawmidable of me to be that way!

AC: xε ~ he has done so much to keep me in line, i wish he understood that

TC: uM

TC: I GuEsS ThAtS PrEtTy fUcKiN CoOl tO KnOw tHeN!

TC: ThIs lIoN Is gOnNa lEaVe yOu tO YoUr oCeAn nOw sO We cAn aLl bRiNg tHe nOiSe iNtO ThE GaMe, YeAh?

AC: xε ~ okay! see you in the game then. thanks again!

TC: YeAh uH No pRoBlEm mY MeOwSoMe sIsTeR

-- argonCharybdis [AC] ceased trolling temperamentallyCarnivorous [TC] --

Jegus doing a handstand on a musclebeast's ass, turns out there are some things you probably would feel safer not knowing. Well, what's done is done. On with the game. It's good you're really in touch with your wild side and your own violent tendencies, too.

Otherwise it'd be pretty sad if you weren't and flipped the fuck out and killed everything in sight! Heh. :3

White & Knight

Shit. Sshit sshit sshit sshit sshit sshit ssh-

Ugggh. Get ahold of yourself, Serket! You're sounding like Karkat. Still, SHIT. Kanaya's gone. There are giant Hellish spheres of fiery death plowing down from above. The others are in a tizzy slowly edging into full-blown screaming panic, and you're about to join the throng. You thought this was gonna be a GAME, not a goddamn exercise in world crisis management!

It's okay. You wanted to go with Kanaya, but she said you had to go in with your own hive. It didn't make sense, but she was frothing and looking more angry and intense than you've EVER seen her, so you sorta agreed and just backed down. Then she hugged you and ran so fast she nearly fell over. What a damn mess.

Not for the first time in your life, you're sort of confused and mildly scared and overall disoriented. The others have sent so many messages all this way and that, that you've just skimmed them and barely responded. Get in the game, get out of this deathtrap -- okay. You can do this. Simple, right? Yeah!!

*

Oh. No. Please no. Not now. You can't handle him right now. You're already tweaking out, you can't talk to him like this. But if you don't... this is the worst possible time for him to decide you need to be punished. Okay. Deep breath. Just give him the brush off and get back to work.

Hello.

AG: No. Not Now. Go away. Pleasse.

For once, your stuttering pleas will be answered.

This is the last time we'll speak.

AG: Itt iss??!!

You're positively elated.

AG: Sshutt up!!

AG: I'm leaving foreveerr anywayss. You can't bullyy me anymore.

I know.

AG: Then what do you want??

Merely granting a parting courtesy, to thank you for your cooperation.

AG: I neeveer cooperated with youu!!

Yes. Despite that, you always did exactly as told.

AG: Becaussee you coerced me. You're a ssicko who likess forcing peoplee to do bad sstuff.

Did I? Or did you always do what I asked because I could infallibly provide protection for your friend?

AG: That'ss aa lie!! If I didn't do what you assked me you alwayss made bad sstuff happen!! Alwayyss!!

Did I cause the bad things to happen, or did I fail to prevent what was going to happen anyways because you refused to do what I asked?

It doesn't matter now. You failed, and saw the consequences. The lesson was taught.

I hope you recognize I made an effort to ensure neither of them ever found out you were the reason why it happened.

AG: I hate you. Ssoo mucchh.

You can stutter all you want. What's done is done. It was all necessary to ensure the events of this evening.

Though you will continue to fail countless times still, you are free of my requests, and she is free to live or die at her own behest, as are the others.

It's all on you now, I suppose.

AG: Are you done??

I am.

As promised, a parting courtesy; though you choose to not understand the outcome of your actions, I still imagine as a result of them there will be a silver lining.

The only question is if you'll be able to overcome your self-doubt long enough to recognize it.

I don't make bets.

But being as reliable as you are, I'd like to think you will.

AG: No morre. I don't want nicee worrdss. You're not nice. You'll never be nicce. You ussedd me andd made me do bad thingss. Nice wordsss willll never changee that.

AG: NNEEVVERR.

I know.

Insincere as it sounds, I'm also sorry about your lusus.

Goodbye.

He's right. He's right! He's always ALWAYS right.

You hate it so much. You hate how he knows everything, you hate how he can predict your every thought, you HATE how he always held those unspoken threats above your head, and made you do his dirty work; or was it just for his amusement? You don't know. It doesn't matter anymore, like he said. You'll never forgive him, but maybe now you can forget him... and what happened to Kanaya and Terezi. You'll never forgive yourself for that, no matter how many time you try to tell yourself it was HIS fault -- And what did that mean, him being sorry about Tinkerbull?

No more. You can't have a breakdown right now. Apparently too many people are relying on you, and you on them, to survive. Like he said; you all live or die of your own initiative now.

Protecting lives... you think you're horribly bad at that. You're just a dirty grubby stuttering stupid farmer. You don't think you could do it.

*

But soon, when you become the Knight of Life, you suppose you won't have much of a choice.

Blue Bastards

What the Hell are these sillyshits DOING? Here you are hurrying your perky red ass across the countryside while meteors drop in like they were visiting for fucking tea and grub cookies, and it comes to your attention that there are TEAMS, so only certain people will oblige to connect to you?! You're nearing last in as it is!

You know exactly who's behind THIS scam. Rather, you suspect several people, but know one you're eager to jump on first. May as well see if you can corner her into fessing up.

*

You... ow. Owww. You've got this growing migraine. Not sure why. There's just this tingly little pin creeping its way up your spine and into your eyes, and your bones ache. You swear you hear something whispering but it's probably just the air screeching from the meteors coming down.

*

Shit there she is. You know, that's the fun of being an open mutant. Whether maroon or blue as the sea, they all like to give you shit in equal measure. And you can dish it right back.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling aethersAbrogation [AA] --

GA: Aradia

AA: n0 1 d0nt have t1me f0r y0u

AA: g0

-- aethersAbrogation [AA] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

She did not just do that. Bitch did NOT just do that. You... oh man that makes you. Just. Rrrrgh. Okay. She wants to play hardball? Yeah, well, you're the fucking captain of the imperial championship team.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling aethersAbrogation [AA] --

GA: Oh Oops It Looks Like Im Bothering You Again

GA: I Presume You Dont Wish To Speak With Me Because I Might End Up Interrupting Your Failed Attempts To Impress Captor Who You Are So Transparently And Painfully Flushed For It Makes The Hue Of My Blood Seem Pale And Somber

AA: what

AA: d0

AA: y0u

AA: want

GA: For You To Climb Down From Your Ivory Cylinder Hive And Explain To Me WHAT THE FUCK YOU WERE THINKING When You Dared To Suggest That We Play With Our Lives By Splitting Us Into TEAMS

GA: Maybe You Could Take Ten Seconds To Plot A Chart To Show Me The Scientific Validity Of That

AA: y0u are b0r1ng me

GA: I Am Sympathetic To Your Mind Being So Void Of Any Thought That Is Not Rational That You Are Instantly Put Off By Contact With Another Living Being

GA: But I Am About To Die Screaming In Fire And Meteors So For Once I Do Not Give A Precious Shit About Your Eternal Boredom And Insatiable Need To Dislike Everyone

AA: y0u w0uld d0 well t0 st0p pretend1ng that the d1v1s10n 0f teams has anyth1ng t0 d0 w1th the state 0f my m1nd

GA: Bullshit

GA: This Is Simply Another Way For You To Ingratiate Yourself To Captor And Attempt To Win His Favor Yet Again

GA: Despite That We Are Still In All Of This Together

GA: Whether You Like It Or Not

GA: Teamwork Is What Is Taking Place Here

GA: So I Request That All Attempts To Corner Me Into A Group And Possibly Deny Me Entry Be Ceased Immediately

GA: Are You Even Listening To Me

AA: n0

AA: 1m busy

GA: WITH WHAT YOU PETULANT SOCIAL CRIPPLE

With being harassed by someone equally pissed off, apparently.

-- coppiceCultivator [CC] began trolling aethersAbrogation [AA] --

CC: Okλy.

CC: So I got λ little gλrden of respect I'm working on for you! It's λwful smλll, but we could mλke it BIGG-ΣR together. I'd reλlly like thλt, λrλdiλ, since we're on the sλme teλm. Even if the teλms λre just λ bunch of mulch!

AA: what d0 y0u want

AA: 1m busy

CC: Yeλh! I'd like to tλlk λbout thλt. You're busy getting into this gλme, λnd thλt's whλt I've λLR-ΣλDY done, so thλt's whλt we're going to discuss! Understood? :)

AA: 1 really d0nt 1ike y0ur t0ne 0f v01ce

CC: Thλt's just λ shrubbin' shλme!

CC: Becλuse I'm not chλnging it.

CC: -ΣSPECIλLLY since we both hλve business with Sollux λnd Cλptor! I think it'd be λ B-ΣRRY GOOD ID-Σλ if we could work out something λround thλt little detλil.

CC: I λm prodding you with λn olive brλnch λnd everything!

CC: ------Σ AA

CC: POK-Σ!

AA: ...

AA: 1m n0t sure what y0ure referr1ng t0

CC: Don't be such λ tough nut to crλck!

AA: 1m just g01ng t0 bl0ck y0u and y0ur awful puns

CC: No, you're not.

CC: You're going to shut up and listen to me really carefully, Megido.

CC: I don't like you. At all. But we both have an issue; you're flushed for Captor, and it turns out I sort of have a little red flower blooming for Sollux. This puts us in a dangerous place.

CC: Reλlly, I don't wλnt λny trouble! But I know from tλlking with Sollux thλt you λre λ seriously bλd influence on Cλptor λnd encourλge him too much. Thλt meλns we're going hλve to reλch λ COMPROMIS----Σ.

AA: are y0u ser10usly threaten1ng me

CC: Oh, I don't need to!

CC: You've worked so hλrd to completely ISOLλT-E yourself sociλlly from the others, thλt you reλlly hλve very little ground to grow on!

CC: Ψhich meλns I defλult winning λny sort of λrgument or clλim you bring up with everyone else. :)

AA: ...

CC: Oh, did you finally get what I was saying? Good.

CC: C'mon λrλdiλ, there's PL-ΣNTY of room in this peλpod for λll four of us! :D

*

Oh God you're starting to bleed. Badly. Out of your fingernails even. Oh God the singing in your head and the screaming and fucking HELL what are they talking about.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling tyrantsAccord [TA]

GA: Okay I Amf In A Hggury Here Are You Sollux Or Captor

TA: what the hell do you want?

GA: Damn It

GA: Damsn It A;;l

TA: angry enough to suffer a typiing iimpediiment?

GA: No B.ledding

GA: Bleeding

TA: ah. ii thought you'd be iin by now. typiical you would lag behiind.

GA: Just Pleashr Madke Your Awful Grilrfriend Phull The Laboratory Proce7edure Glass Cylinder Out Of He3ur Wasdte Chtute So Someene Can GET ME IN

TA: oh, ii see. the teams, riight. almost forgot we were doiing that. fiine and proper way to keep you iin your place, down with the rustbloods. ii almost wiish there was a thiird team for seadwellers only.

GA: HWOW ABOGTU A TJURID TEAM FOFR MY FISGT IN YOUR FISHY FACE

TA: heh. ii guess iit'd be a shame for you to diie that quiickly. ii'll see who miight be perverse enough to get you iin, once ii have a moment.

GA: AA DFMGOMENT>!?

TA: busy talkiing, maneuveriing, poliitiics; nothiing you'd understand.

The fuck. Did they all just decide to make teams and then nearly forget about them? He has to be lying, like always. Doing it on purpose. The HELL is he talking to?!

-- coppiceCultivator [CC] began trolling tyrantsAccord [TA] --

CC: Sollux! Pleλse λccept my λpollengies for this M-ΣSS. :(

TA: aw don't worry feferi, i ju2t hope we can re2olve thi2 before 2omeone get2 hurt.

CC: I'm sure λrλdiλ will listen to wreλthson! She just needs λ little thyme. :D

TA: oh wow. haha. nice one2. ju2t dont pu2h her two hard, thing2 are way two precariou2 for anyone two freak out now and get 2omeone killed out of 2pite.

CC: Yeλh, I'm trying not to lose my temper. :(

CC: I just wλnt everyone to get in the greenhouse before the forest burns down!

CC: Literλlly burn down in my cλse.

TA: graciou2, yeah. who i2nt in?

CC: No shrubbin' ideλ, λctuλlly. I don't think Kλnλyλ is, λrλdiλ mentioned thλt.

TA: wait, 2huck2, i need two an2wer 2omeone, i'll be back. 2orry.

*

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow someone help already what is the god damn plan someone heeeeelp

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling tyrantsAccord [TA]

GA: GET

GA: MEGUE

GA: IJN

TA: kanaya! 2orry, i wa2 handling a problem with aradia and feferi and captor.

GA: Heelp

TA: what2 wrong?

TA: oh 2hoot

TA: youre not in.

TA: 2hee2h, we really 2hould have planned thi2 beforehand.

GA: BLDEEDING BACDLY PLDASE HURRYH

TA: right right ju2t hold on and ill 2ee what i can do.

TA: ju2t let me re2olve thi2 a2 quick a2 i can.

AARRRRRGGGHGHHHHHHHHH

-- tyrantsAccord [TA] began trolling aethersAbrogation [AA] --

TA: aradiia.

AA: capt0r

TA: may ii have a moment of your tiime?

AA: 0f c0urse y0u may

TA: whiile we agreed to engiineer teams of proper sociial diiviisiion iin the iinterests of sciience and tradiitiion, iit seems we have an excess of objectiions to the iidea, iincludiing one from sollux and hiis new choiice of a buddiing matespriit.

AA: s0 1 n0t1ced

TA: ii wanted to ask your opiiniion iif iit'd be worthwhiile to us to iinduldge theiir demands so we can try to avoiid unecessary confliict untiil we want iit to happen.

AA: 1f y0u th1nk 1ts a g00d 1dea 1m n0t 1ncl1ned t0 argue

TA: despiite the usual need for those of land and sea to be at odds, ii daresay ii value your opiiniion. ii'll try to smooth thiings over.

TA: really, you were born too low for someone of your iintellect, aradiia.

AA: 1m

AA: flattered capt0r

AA: 1 sh0uld get back t0 learn1ng ab0ut the game n0w that 1m 1n

TA: of course. ii'll get to work tryiing to use some diiplomacy.

AA: 0k

-- aethersAbrogation [AA] ceased trolling tyrantsAccord [TA] --

AA: ...

AA: 0u0

*

your name is kanaya maryam and you are 6 bloods old ouch no six sweeps your current interests are ow your lungs and your liver and you also are interested in not dying and blood and incredible pain beyond the reckoning of mortals also meteors owwwww

oh hey you got mail isnt that also interesting

-- coppiceCultivator [CC] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA]

CC: KλNλYλ! H-ΣY!

GA: hey3jxp-4-

CC: Oh for the love of lettuce. :(

CC: Listen!

CC: You're λbout the lλst one in!

CC: I'm doing my best right now to work with the others to help you enter.

CC: Ψe gottλ figure out who isn't rooted down yet so you cλn be brought in!

CC: I'll tell you right the shrub NOW thλt -ΣRIDλN isn't going to be doing it though, don't worry.

GA: Wjusy NotnmE Eridan

CC: B-ΣCλUS-Σ H-Σ IS λ BλCK-STλBBING SON OF λ BIRCH.

CC: Don't trust him! He'll defoil you the second you give him λ chλnce, the CR-Σ-ΣP.

CC: Seriously, with fronds like him, who needs λnemones?

GA: uh

CC: It's fine though. I'm finding myself pretty hλppy with Sollux λfter speλking with him for λ while! Cλptor... is λ bit of λ bλd λpple. But Sollux is so rλisinλble with me! Ψe tλlked λ lot λbout our thoughts on sociλl justice, λnd how λll this unecessλry pruning of trolls might not be H-ΣλLTHY for us, λnd I'm -ΣXCIT-ΣD to mλybe meet with him λnd λdventure for λ while!

CC: It's exciting. I'm excited.

CC: Nooooot λbout λrλdiλ though. She's λ bit of λ jerk. I'm just re-leλfed she wλs sensible λbout our λrrλngment.

CC: Kλnλyλ?

CC: ...

CC: Oh crud. I don't lichen this. :|

*

As you briefly blank out from the pain, you're pretty sure it was from the awful puns, not the eldritch scream of dying agony in your head.

Thank God you never made a habit of, like, auspisticizing for these nutcases or anything.

Glub

jegus blood blood blood all screams and glubs you never thought something could hurt so much just a thousand needles threading your mind and your bones hurt and the marrow is bursting out just gotta go a bit further almost there

someone pestering you why now what the hell

*

-- chronicAugustus [CA] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CA: kan hon youvve almost Made It so come on keep movvin

GA: B<Ldeedkng Bad HBefre Eridsn Bsd Time To talmk

CA: kan i knoww dont wworry youre gonna make it This Time

CA: keep lookin at my Wwords keep talkin to me and youll Make It

GA: KI Dlnt NHave Time gTlo Talk Glub in myh mind Bldededing

CA: Time kan

CA: lemme tell you Time is all wwe got

CA: least all I got anywways

CA: i knoww its hurtin kan but you gotta Trust Me and keep readin

CA: first you gotta Sloww Dowwn and breathe go too fast right noww and the blood is gonna choke your lungs

GA: Fkinde Finme Fine

GA: Sllow And Breeagthe KAN Do

CA: thats the best part about you

CA: alwways keepin onto Humor evven in the wworst of it

GA: VFJUK YOU

CA: good keep the Anger strong too just not too strong else youre gonna bleed out

CA: wwipe some of the Blood off yer hands so you can type a bit better

CA: i got them tellin me wwhats got to happen so dont panic

GA: Got Wjhyo

CA: the ones im seein wwhen i Sleep

CA: ivve been Awwake long as you havve kan but i aint got Clouds if you remember

CA: just the same kinda Screams as you got goin through your head right noww

GA: hurts

CA: knoww it does hon you just gotta keep lookin at these wwords and movvin nice an Steady you got me

CA: youre gonna LIVVE This Time okay

GA: Canf Thnkin,k Eridan i CDont Reallh Undedrsgtand

CA: youll learn soon, your Clouds just like to showw and aint sayin much compared to the sky i got, but youre Blood and im Time and i got the melody tuned to keep us alivve

CA: listen i knoww its pissin you off but think about vvriska an howw unhappy shes gonna be if you Bite It

CA: an think about howw much youll piss off the Blue Bloods if youre keepin alivve

GA: Erkdan I Dnt UNDRRSTAND

CA: yeah youre not supposed to really i just gotta keep you talkin and wwalkin youll probably read the log after you get in so dont wworry

GA: see My Hive

CA: oh for Fucks Sake good

CA: you just keep runnin then get inside and get Set Up

CA: i gotta make sure karkat an fef are in i forget if they are by noww

GA: Arwe ou In

CA: my past self is yeah

GA: wha t

CA: hearin the Glub noww

CA: already startin to Bleed Out

CA: been nice knowwin you kan

GA: ?

-- chronicAugustus [CA] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

Branches

*

Okay... okay. You've calmed down. Now is the time to do this. This is likely the exact moment this needs to happen. You're already attuned to spotting moments of kismet at fifty paces, and the little bell screaming in your sunny head is provoking a pavlovian hysteria.

You've always hated that saying, "This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you" -- always seemed apologetic for abomidable behavior. But right now, you realize why it came into existence. For times like this.

Is this actually the right thing to do? Fucked if you know. Six sweeps of shadowy dreams and eerie whispers didn't really prepare you for the consequences of your role. You're going to go on gut instinct for once.

Or maybe it's just fear driving you.

*

-- chronicAugustus [CA] began trolling coppiceCultivator [CC] --

CA: fef wwe need to Talk

CC: -Σridλn! You've been gone for λ long time! Ψhλt's up?

CA: fef listen i Aint Sure howw to say this

CC: You dope. You just open your root-chute λnd SλY it! :D

CC: But you listen first, I HλV-Σ to tell you something importλnt!

CC: Or, well, λsk you.

CA: you do?

CC: Okλy you cλn't lλugh.

CC: I've been thinking λbout our whole relλtionship thing λnd whλt you sλid.

CA: uh

CC: Ψλit! Listen.

CC: I think you were right. It is sort of silly we're moirλils. We don't even N-Σ-ΣD one λnother for thλt. We're λ pλir of tree-loving hedge-heλds! We're too down in the grλss to be dλngerous. So I think we should stop being moirλils.

CA: oh jeez fef that is Exactly wwhat i wwanna Talk About

CC: It is? :D

CC: GR-ΣλT!

CC: Becλuse...

CC: I thought λbout it a lot. λnd I was thinking if we don't need to be PλL-Σ, mλλλλybe we could try being...

CC: MλT-ΣSPRIT-ΣS? :o

CA: oh

CA: oh fef

CA: i

CA: Shit

CC: λre you speechless? :)

CA: fef this is wwhy i should havve gone First

CC: Whλt do you mean?

CA: fef listen

CA: i cant be your moirail

CA: and i cant be your Matesprit either

CC: what?

CA: please Understand me fef

CA: ivve just been Thinking and doing stuff since wwe Got In and

CA: i really think it aint a Good Idea for us to be in any kind of relationship anymore

CC: You've got to be kidding me.

CA: fef i Promise im not trying to be cruel here i really mean it when i think it aint a Good Idea

CC: You're rejecting me.

CA: i

CA: i Guess i am yeah

CA: fef not because i dont think youre not the most wwonderful person im evver gonna knoww

CA: but ivve been Talkin to People and seen some things and just got this Feelin wwere both gonna be a lot better off not doing anything pale or flushed or nothin together

CC: Okλy. I think I λm reλlly sort of hurt and confused right now. I think I λm prodding you with my huge oversized sλlλd fork and wondering what the H-ΣCK you mean. :(

CA: fef i Dont Knoww howw to tell you

CA: im already startin to envvision them just pilin up evven if i think i knoww the First Rule about this business

CA: because i dont knoww if i can Commit to keepin that rule wwhen i can see a chance to change the Melody for you all for the better

CC: Ψhλt?

CA: i mean apparently i already wwent and Changed it once and wwhat had to be Changed wwas chillin enough that i dont wwanna evver see it happen and i cant explain it

CC: -Σridλn you λre making no shrubbing S-ΣNS-Σ! <:(

CA: fef

CA: i think wwe should just Part WWays here

CC: ΨOΨ. Okλy! Sure thing mister λmporλ. I used to think you were reλlly cool! I just stuck my heλrt out on λ fork for you λnd you send it bλck to the chef. I try to understλnd whλt's wrong and you tell me to make like λ tree and LEλF! λfter λll we've been through? We can't even still just be friends?!

CC: FIN-Σ!

-- coppiceCultivator [CC] ceased trolling chronicAugustus [CA] --

All this time you were growing flush for her and nervous about suggesting it, and then she drops that on you. After years of being genuine friends. And you have to go and say no. Wow. You feel like shit. But hey, at least you don't feel as bad as this guy over here, right? Haha! Ha. Hah...

*

You figure you'll cool it on the fuckin' time travel for a while.

Crabby Customers

YES! You did it! You're in the Medium safely at last. Even your shiner is looking better finally. But there will be time for accolades and anxieties later. Right now, you want to be a part of a very long overdue reunion with someone who matters very much to you.

*

KANAYA: Dad

KANAYA: !

DADSPRITE: My beautiful daughter. I am so happy to see you once more.

KANAYA: Dad

KANAYA: I Missed You So Much

DADSPRITE: And I missed you.

KANAYA: I Knew My Visions Would Come True

KANAYA: You Are Alive And Well Once More

DADSPRITE: Indeed I am. You have a great and perilous journey ahead of you, daughter. As the Heir of Blood you and your eleven friends will have many trials you will face together, and it is by the bond of your blood that victory may be possible.

KANAYA: I Promise I Will Do All I Can To See Us Victorious

DADSPRITE: I believe in you.

DADSPRITE: Now.

DADSPRITE: With that out of the way I can drop the formalities.

DADSPRITE: Kanaya, my dearest daughter?

KANAYA: Yes Dad

DADSPRITE: I need to ask you something important.

KANAYA: Of Course Dad I Will Answer As Best I Can

DADSPRITE: Good. I want to know.

DADSPRITE: WHAT IN THE NAME OF MY ROTTEN HOLLOWED OUT CARAPACE MADE YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO OPENLY REVEAL YOUR BLOOD AND PARADE IT AROUND LIKE IT WAS A BADGE OF HONOR

KANAYA: I

KANAYA: Uh

DADSPRITE: THUS ENDING WITH ME GETTING MY HEAD BLOWN OFF BY THE DISCHARGE OF NO LESS THAN SIX TWO-CYLINDER SPREADSHOT FIREARMS.

KANAYA: You Mean A Shotgun

DADSPRITE: DON'T TAKE THAT HIGH-BLOODED TONE OF VOICE WITH ME YOUNG LADY.

KANAYA: Oh SURE Dad Sure As If You Made It Easy For Me By Defaulting To Extreme Aggression If Someone As So Much As Sneezed At Me Wrong

DADSPRITE: I HAD YOUR BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.

KANAYA: Well It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time DAD And I Even Asked Vriska And She Sai-

DADSPRITE: OH OF COURSE YOU LISTENED TO THE STUTTERING OVERACHIEVER. WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO THAT WORTHLESS EIGHT-EYED BUCKET KICKER? ONLY GOOD ADVICE HE EVER HAD. OR MAYBE CONSULTED THE BLUE-BLOOD SCIENCE GIRL AND AT LEAST TRY TO GET FORGED PAPERS.

KANAYA: DONT YOU BRING THEM INTO THIS DAD I HANDLED IT AS WELL AS I THOUGHT I SHOULD AND AS THE VISIONS TOLD ME

DADSPRITE: OH YES, THE VISIONS. ALWAYS HAVE TO FOLLOW THOSE TO THE LETTER. I'M SURE YOU COULDN'T JUST HAVE TOLD YOUR FRIENDS AND NOBODY ELSE AND MAYBE JUST PRETEND TO BE ANOTHER COLOR, OR BANISH THE THOUGHT, JUST KEPT IT ANONYMOUS. COULD HAVE SPENT A NICE FEW PEACEFUL YEARS BEFORE THE WORLD ENDED.

KANAYA: OH SURE ANOTHER FEW YEARS OF BEING SICK AND SCARED ALL THE TIME ABOUT BEING A HUGE MUTANT FREAK PETRIFIED OF SO MUCH AS SCRAPING HER KNEE

KANAYA: AND CRAMMING ROE CUBES DOWN YOUR CHUTE TO SILENCE YOUR INCESSANT NANNYING

DADSPRITE: YOU THINK I DIDN'T FEEL YOUR PAIN? THAT I DIDN'T WORRY ALL THE TIME AND WISH SO MUCH IT COULD BE DIFFERENT? BUT NO YOU HAD TO ACT LIKE AS MUCH OF A WRIGGLER AS WHEN I DUG YOU OUT OF THAT METEOR CRATER

KANAYA: Wait What

DADSPRITE: WHOOPS. NEVERMIND YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT. GO BE A DEAR AND MAKE SURE YOUR SERVER PLAYER ISN'T A TOTAL IDIOT WITH HOW THEY BUILD UP THE HOUSE, NOT THAT YOU'LL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I LOVE YOU.

KANAYA: PISS OFF DAD

KANAYA: I LOVE YOU TOO

*

Christ. What an asshole!

...

You missed him so much.

Red & White

The Heir of Blood has taken her place in the Land of Snow and Sanguine.

Last in of anyone in the two chains, you just barely avoided death on your meteor-drowned world. It would have been REALLY NICE of Equius to have told you that you needed to be in an abode of your OWN to get brought into the game; no hitching rides with Vriska. Could have saved you the day's frantic trip through the burning landscape to the boarded-up remains of your lawnring, while you nearly bled out as the Vast Glub curbstomped your mind.

You wander away from your hive to have a moment alone. A snowbound landscape stands in silence, swept by a strange, cloudless storm that falls from a black sky, as steaming waves of blood lap the shores and flow from ornate shrines surrounded by delicate trees. It's freakin' cold.

You like it.

*

-- aurochsGore [AG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

AG: Okay.

AG: Okay sso I ssee you're online.

AG: Sso THAT meanss you're alive, right??

AG: RIGHT??

GA: I Will Not Lie Vriska It Was Cut As Close As A Thread Through A Needles Eye

GA: But As You Can See I Am Indeed Alive And Well

AG: Okay good! Great. Awessome. I wassn't worried that bad!! I wass confident. I mean the otherss told me there wass meteorss and sscreamss and glubss and pandemonium but you're alive. Cool.

GA: I Am

GA: Really Really Sorry

GA: That You Had To Deal With That Stunt Being Pulled

AG: Kanaya... no more apologiess. Let'ss jusst get on with the game.

GA: No Listen

GA: Vriska If I Can Be Foul For A Second

GA: I Am Not Going To Apologize But I Am Going To State I Have Been a Pretty Shitty Moirail

GA: And Honestly Now That We Are In The Game

GA: I Dont Want You To Have To Suffer That Responsibility Anymore

AG: What?? You mean you don't want to be friendss or anything anymore?? }:(

GA: No No No

GA: I Just

GA: Want You To Be Free To Not Worry About Me Anymore

GA: I Put You Through Years Of My Theatrics And Problems And You Never Deserved That

AG: Okay. I think. What do you want then??

GA: I

GA: Well

GA: I Want To Be Friends Of Course I Care About You

GA: I Suppose That

GA: Um

AG: ??

GA: Vriska Listen I Want To Say Something But I Am Not Sure It Is Right Or If This Is Even The Time

GA: So How About I Think On It And I Can Be Sure When We Meet Again

GA: And Until Then How About We Try To Have Fun And Maybe Just Talk To Each Other In A Context That Does Not Revolve Around My Wellbeing

GA: I Would Really Like That To Happen

AG: Well, ssure. I'll sstill worry about you, but I guessss you're not in huge danger anymore. No more bad breakss! That'ss cool.

GA: It Is Pretty Cool Isnt It

GA: I Will Stop Apologizing So Much Too

GA: If You Want To Be Mad At Me You Have Every Right

AG: Oh come on. I can't get THAT mad. Not like you can, haha!! I think thiss iss good. Just palss. I can live with that.

GA: Just Pals

GA: Right

GA: Well Um

GA: I Look Forward To Seeing You Again Vriska

GA: In A Context That Is Neither Panicked Nor Apologetic

AG: Ssure, I guessss. Good thing we got thiss game! Otherwise I wouldn't know what to do with you, haha. }:)

GA: Heh

GA: Suppose So

GA: Well

GA: I Best Go And Begin My Journey

GA: You Are Already A Ways Ahead Of Me

AG: Yeah!! Hurry up and alchemize ssome awessome gear already. You don't have to wear ragss anymore.

GA: Oh I Will

GA: But Well I Do Want To Keep The Coat You Made Me

GA: Not Getting Rid Of That Ever

AG: Haha, it'ss not THAT great. But ssure.

GA: It Is And I Will Hear Nothing To The Contrary

GA: My Most Prized Possession

AG: Well ssheessh if you ssay sso, bossssyfang. }:p

GA: Heh

GA: I Best Go Then

GA: Please Take Care Until I Catch Up

AG: Yeah, ssee you! You reminded me, I'm gonna go make ssome wicked red ssneakerss.

-- aurochsGore [AG] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

Right so that went... ok. Not great. You had a chance right there, but decided not to take it. You have too many doubts. Maybe she just wants to be friends. Maybe she's kinda pissed at you and is just hiding it. Maybe it'll be different when she wakes up. Maybe you weren't much to her other than someone she had to care for and keep alive, which she doesn't have to do anymore. Maybe that changes everything.

Maybe is such a stupid loaded word.

You'll stick to what you told her. You'll meet up, and then you'll make up your mind whether to tell her or not. It really isn't different from before, is it? You're still so busy and occupied that it's just something that's fallen to the wayside. You hope that changes.

Crap. You're bleeding out again. You seriously need to get back and patch up before you get mobbed and turn this place into the Land of Blood and More Blood. Maybe make some new duds at last, too. But you're keeping the coat just as it is. It's kept you warm for this long.

With it, no matter where you go, she's there with you.

*

Nothing Fancy

You could alchemize all sorts of things. Being last in the chain, everyone else has already gathered enough grist to create a city, if they wanted. There's plenty in the shared cache.

But you don't make much. No fancy armor, no stupendous upgrade to your weapons, no frivolous toys or experimental crouf. Maybe you'll do that later. But the chainsaw you lifted from a felled FLARP hunter still works just fine. You repair your shoes, allowing the luxury of making them slip-ons. You fix your old skirt, and turn the remnants into a raggy little cape for the snow. Heck, there's even time to finally tend to your stringy mop of hair.

Last, you make yourself a new shirt, and throw it on under the coat. You wash said coat up, and then patch it by hand. Perfect. When you see her again, maybe she'll ask about it, and then maybe you can take the lead from there. That'd be nice. 'Maybe' doesn't always have to be so bad.

Maybe now you can start looking and acting like the Heir this game says you are.

*

Land and Titles

> Sgrub Players: Deal with your granted titles and lands.

Okay? Sure thing. Let's take a look at each and see how they feel about this mess.

*

> Kanaya: Become the HEIR OF BLOOD
in the LAND OF SNOW AND SANGUINE.

You've already done that! Well, okay, that's a bit metatextual. You suppose you're not fucking surprised in the least. Wow, you have something to do with blood, awesome and totally unexpected. Being an Heir though... of what, precisely? You never did really find out during your adventure, but you did end up with a metric shit-ton of MANGRIT in those bony arms of yours, like any good Heir. Great for hauling a chainsaw about, you suppose. ...you'd later learn, after the game was lost, what it meant to be an Heir, and it was not to your liking. But then, not much is. You still tried, though, once you understood how much it mattered.

You like your Land plenty. It's just, soothing. Cold and dark, silent save for the gurgle of blood pouring from very pretty shrines and ornaments and waterfalls. Sometimes you just want to fall into a snow drift and not get out. Just let it bury you in white. But that'd be awful dangerous.

*

> Terezi: Become the SEER OF DOOM
in the LAND OF CHROMA AND RADIO.

You may not be totally blind, and are mostly deaf too, but have no problem being a Seer. Must be a universal constant. h3h3h3h3h3h3h3. The voices of the doomed and dead hiss into your deathtouched ears all the time, always keeping you one step ahead of the barely-perceived world around you, in its wash of blurry colors and muffled sounds. Damnation is your meat and potatoes.

Your Land couldn't be better. All these weird and ornate glass containers, all dripping with musical colors, like tears wept from the sin-weary eyes of a thousand condemned souls. And if you want to hear said condemned, you merely need to listen closely to the baroque radios set into the stone everywhere, some as big as a building, forever whispering prophecy and curses under a hissing sky of dark static.

*

> Vriska: Become the KNIGHT OF LIFE
in the LAND OF GRAVES AND FLOOD.

Nope, still not comfortable with that. You, a Knight? Who defends lives?! Why not the, like, Farmer of Corn, or the Stuttering Stablemaster of Crippled Hoofbeasts or something? But no, a Knight you are and grew into being, even if you tragically lack the trappings of such; you never read about any holy warriors who wore scrubby oversized shirts and rolled dice at their foes. That's okay, though; you try, sincerely. You even alchemized a little sword and shield and some armor, though you never use them. And those pretty white fluffy wings you ended up with? So SO embarrassing.

You don't fare much better with your Land. It isn't bad! Just so... sad, and melancholy. All these muted colors and misty fields and lukewarm flood waters, along with ENDLESS graveyards, as far as the eyes can see. You never dug them up for treasure, it seemed really disrespectful. Everything about the place just constantly made you afraid for the fate of your friends and had you resolve to try as hard as possible, no matter how frustrating it got.

*

> Equius: Become the PRINCE OF SPACE
in the LAND OF LOTUS AND FROGS.

Oh God.

Maybe you don't need a towel, but you do need some tissues. You? PRINCE? Of what, robots and baking ovens? How could you ever be Princely in any way, something as low and yellow-blooded as you? But you have to try, for the sake of the Empress. Worse, you nearly had a nervous breakdown when you found out YOU were responsible for birthing the new universe. By... hunting frogs. Flipped right the fuck out, ate about a pound of mind honey cookies in your state of terror. That kind of responsibility and noble endeavor should in no way have ever been up to you, but, you did your best.

Which was the point, really.

Your Land was equally problematic. All ponds and lakes and lily pads on top of huge weird fractal flowers and it was just so slimy and humid and BRIGHT. You were used to a clean dry mechanical apartment, not something so tremendously organic and crawling with life. Even if you grew into it, you still felt at first your role should have gone to a highblood. If only because it meant less frog slime on your pretty little hands.

At least your consorts loved your baking.

*

> Gamzee: Become the ROGUE OF VOID
in the LAND OF RELIC AND ASH.

Can mew. I mean do. Your role and word was rather vague, and what you learned about it you kept to yourself. Being a Rogue was all well and good, even if you were used to being a little more direct about your ways. As for the Void part, you... well. You ended up spending a lot of time with Equius and helping him.

Your Land you also liked, though you also kept that to yourself. Nobody else much did. It looked like the remains of a bombed-out hellworld, all eerie urban ruins and ash storms choking the sky. It was another kind of jungle to you, one you survived in just as easily as the greener ones back home. ...maybe you even thrived in it.

*

> Eridan: Become the MAGE OF TIME
in the LAND OF CELLULOID AND SILVER.

You sometimes like to stop and ask Fate why it decided you were the chump it wanted to manage the tangled disaster known as time, but then panic sets in as you realize another mistake was made, and then you either end up dead because you doomed the timeline, or rush to create a messy loop to keep things stable. Oh, and a Mage to boot! Yeah, time IS fuckin magic. And you're the amateur fucktard at talent night trying to pull a rabbit out of his ass while getting booed off the stage.

Ugh, yeah, at least your Land is pretty comfortable, if eerie. You love films of all kinds, and this place is just one gigantic mystic movie theater. Stages, dim lights, comfortable chairs, criss-crossing film reels spinning everywhere, all replaying memories and images of time itself, everything awash in a gentle silver glow. Well, along with the literal silver constructs and a pervasive use of the metal in all things.

*

> Feferi: Become the MAID OF RAGE
in the LAND OF GARDENS AND STEEL.

Uh... sure? This title makes you sort of nervous and upset. You? Rage?! About what! That's Kanaya's job, she's the one who goes nuts with anger, not you! You're a chill-chick. You keep it smooth and cool as a dew-dropped leaf. Refreshing as a midnight salad. You-- well sure, you do get angry about some stuff. But not enraged!! That's just so not you, really! You got plenty of unresolved problems and tension, but like you said dammit, that's Kanaya's job to flip the fuck out like a shitweasel because her shoelaces are untied or whatever. You just... keep calm. Nice and steady. Spent your whole life that way. You're not an apoplectic nutjob. Not bottled up at all. Nope.

...your Land is pretty neat. All a weird blend of dark colored gardens that segue seamlessly into metal doppelgangers of plant life, twisting together almost inseparably. You don't much like the harsh metal, but did come to admire its cold strength. And look, listen, if there was the occasional fist-shaped dent here and there, or a snapped tree, it was probably an ogre, okay?

OKAY?

...good.

*

> Karkat: Become the THIEF OF HEART
in the LAND OF RUBY AND OBSIDIAN.

No fucking shit. If you were anything else you'd have to personally open up the game somehow to give the administrator the business. All the hearts belong to you, all of them. Plus, Thief? You can dig it. Have to have a more subtle touch, be a bit more sneaky? Sure. Maybe a lot of the lessons were lost on you, but whatever! You're fucking gr8t!!!!!!!!

So was your Land. Everywhere you looked in your cavernous world, there was black engraved walkways and lava flows and carved ruby spires and waterfalls. You managed your world like you did the quadrants, playing four-square as though you were the last rel8tionship counselor on Alternia.

WHICH YOU ARE BECAUSE ALL THE OTHERS ARE DEAD. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

*

> Aradia: Become the WITCH OF MIND
in the LAND OF TOMES AND HIVES.

Eeeeuuuugghh. Okay, so we haven't seen much of you, but it's obvious this was a challenge. You're about as ivory tower and socially maladjusted as they come. You sought greater mental challenge, and suddenly the game is telling you that you need to be more mystical and less scientific, and ALSO have to suddenly become a master of understanding how people think, and not just what they know. Incredibly difficult and awkward. You LOVE being SMART, not a MAGICAL MAGICKY SOCIAL FUCKING BUTTERFLY.

Your Land was just as insulting. All these magical tomes, everywhere, literally forming buildings and roads, and worse, they all often malformed into hives -- not homes, but actual insectoid hives full of weird-colored magic wasps who all buzzed about in their little social cooperative dance. Tch.

*

> Tavros: Become the BARD OF LIGHT
in the LAND OF SOLAR AND HARMONY.

Sure thing! You are a lucky son of a bitch, because really your role ended up demanding you just be more like you! You already had a lot of luck, and now you're practically shitting golden horseshoes wrapped with 4-leaf clovers. You came to learn it was all about sharing the luck, though, making sure the fortune came to everyone. You kinda spent too much time swallowing pie and staring off into the sky, but you gave the whole game thing a try. It mingled nicely with your weird philosophies, you found.

Your Land was just damn peachy. The sky was dark as if it was night, but from clefts in the blackness came rays of golden sunlight, which powered strange harmonic machines jutting up from the glittering earth. The whole place was one gigantic solar-powered musical amusement park. Kind of an easy ride, honestly, but hey, LUCK~Y.

*

> Sollux: Become the PAGE OF HOPE
in the LAND OF SILK AND EMPYREAN.

Well, your more pacifist personality was fine with that. Being a Page? You needed to learn humility. Hope? You had to hold tight to it. Try to understand that sacred power your race seemed to loathe. But your more tyrannical half, hoo-boy, he hated being branded with such a lowly title. The only hope he had was to beat the game quickly and enter the new universe so he could set himself up as consummate ruler of the whole thing. You fought, rather violently and often without success, to keep yourself balanced and not flying too far from one mind to the other.

Your Land... well, both of you agreed that the place was a fucking nightmare, if a well dressed one. Silks adorned and draped its every inch, often indicating the danger level of where you were, as nameless and holy structures rose among a swirling wind of fabrics, which seemed to hide unspeakable wheels of eyes and wings and fire. Those things scared you shitless and kept you both agreeing to just try to get through with as little fuss as possible.

*

> Nepeta: Become the SYLPH OF BREATH
in the LAND OF GALES AND WAVES.

Heh! You thought you'd get something a little more cuddly. Or violent! :ε

Either way you learned to dig it. You were always one with the waters, now you had to learn to move the airs, joining sky and sea and coming to terms with the storm inside of your own heart. You were pretty good at the Windy Thing, even if you dickered around a lot and blew time with Equius frog-hunting instead. But you still learned the secrets of being a magical wind-witch, and slowly let go of your regal issues. Purrfect. >Xε

Your land was a sight to behold. Barely any Land to speak of, it was all oceans and storms and gales and hurricanes and tornadoes and typhoons and MEOW I mean WOW. But you discovered the waters were not nearly as important as the roaring skies above you, and the Breeze hid many secrets.

. . .

Not that it mattered, in the end. For any of you, save maybe Vriska; lot of good it did her. Destinies were mostly ignored, powers forgone for what was innate, the game beaten and practically ripped to shreds. You won the victory of the letter, but forewent the spirit of it. But maybe that was why you ended up meeting them, after the end of your quest. Four more players with whom you become entwined.

A Seer of Breath in the Land of Wind and Rain.
A Knight of Light in the Land of Heat and Light.
A Witch of Time in the Land of Frost and Clockwork.
And an Heir of Space, in the Land of Shade and Frogs.

Adventures of Stabman & Chaingirl

Wow! So your adventure is off to a rousing start. Pretty cool, all things considered. Butcher minion, recieve grist. Hell of a lot easier than dealing with blood-hunters. Just gotta get grist, build, go through gates, investigate stuff... you really don't know games well but this seems manageable.

*

Oh hey cool. Look at this guy! He's a lot bigger than the imps! Plus he's all pitch black instead of blood red. Seems... different. Is he a friend? Really, you have no idea how this stuff works. Maybe you should try talking to --

*

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRHHHH JEEEEEEEEGUS SHIT IN A FUCK HEADED TWIN BITCHED MOTHERCUNTING WHORECOCK UP THE WASTE TUBE HE STABBED YOU

FUCK

OW

YOU JUST WASHED THIS GOD DAMN THING

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

GA: Vriska I Have Good News

AG: Hey!! What'ss up??

GA: We Have Made A New Ally In Our Campaign Against The Black Monarchs

AG: We made what in the who?

GA: Rulers Of The Dark Kingdom And Army We Have To Defeat

AG: Ohhh. Okay, cool. How'd you do that??

GA: Well He Stabbed Me

AG: WHAT??

GA: Shit

GA: Nevermind I Should Not Have Said That

AG: What. Are you out of your nook?? I fed you enough before you left, right?? Thiss issn't delirium??

GA: No No

GA: I

GA: No I Do Not Apologize Right

GA: It Is Complicated It Was A Mistake Really We Talked It Out

AG: Okay...

GA: He Is A Double Agent Named Jack Who Wishes To Help Us Overthrow The Queen

GA: If We Can Work Together To Create A Plan It Could Make Victory Much Easier For Us

AG: So we're gonna trusst a guy who sstabss people to ssay hello and iss a traitor to take down thiss Queen?

GA: Um

GA: Yes

AG: Well. Heck. Not exactly different than what we ussed to put up with, right??

GA: I Double Promise This Will Be A Good Idea Vriska

GA: And Your Trust And Help Would Mean A Lot To Me

AG: Okay!! I'll help thiss weirdo then. But only becausse you assked. Any funny bussssinessss from him and I'm gonna jusst put him out to passture!!

GA: Oh God Not The Farm Puns Please I Beg Of You

AG: Haha, okay, fiiine. Missss Bossssiesst of Bossssyfangss. }:D

GA: Sorry I Havent Caught Up Yet

GA: Occupied With Jack And The Lore Of My Land And Everything Else

GA: Really Hope To See You Soon

AG: Aw don't worry. We're all plowing through. You'll catch up soon enough!!

GA: Vriska

AG: Yeah??

GA: Have You

GA: Woke Up Yet

AG: What'ss that mean??

GA: Er

GA: Nothing

GA: I Had Best Go Again

GA: Jack Is Sort Of Just Standing There

GA: No Need To Tempt Him Into More Stabbing

AG: }:(

GA: It Was A Joke

GA: !

GA: Promise

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling aurochsGore [AG] --

Okay so maybe it wasn't a joke. Should have kept your trap shut. Ergh. Man this is bleeding bad. That sword is stupidly sharp. Still, now you have an ally. Okay, no, listen, you KNOW Vriska is right. This guy is about as stable as a jar of nitroglycerin in a dryer set to high. He's already stabbed you like three times. But you have an ally against the Queen now!

And he...

...he didn't make a big deal out of your blood. You asked. He said you bled the same as anyone else. Everyone here has red blood. You're the normal one now.

So stupid. Made your judgment lapse. It shouldn't mean so much to you.

 

But it does.

 

I'M A PRICKLY PEAR

*

> Red Kanaya: I'M A VAMPIRE I'M A VAMPIRE I'M A VAMPIRE I'M A VAMPIRE I'M A VAMPIRE I'M A VAMPIRE

*

What? She thinks that's really dumb. Vampire? You mean Rainbow Drinker? Does she LOOK like some candy-ass sparkle-shitting sun-humping throat-nibbler? No. Piss off. She has bodies to harvest in the eternal darkness of her Land for delicious red grist, and a stabby sire I mean father-figure to appease. That's not vampiric in the least.

> Jade Eridan: I'M A VA--

*

Would you kan it.

I mean can it. Sorry. Listen, he stopped reading that stupid sun-soaked shit sweeps ago. Around the time he took up sniping the dead from his hive and seeing through his scope just how horrible the things were. There's no damn way he'd want to become one of those things.

> Oh. Okay then.

Good. Glad we're in agreeme--

> Red Kanaya: DO THE BLOODY THING DO THE BLOODY THING DO THE BLOODY THING

*

WOULD YOU JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY AS YOU CAN SEE SHE IS BUSY

THANK YOU

Fluff

*

ah okay you are feeling tuckered out. Whew! You found a return node, and think it's time for a break. Especially after meeting your new friend and being perforated a few dozen times.

Okay, fine, that's an exaggeration. It was close to a dozen but no more than that. He even cut his own arm open to prove what he said when you asked; there it was! Blood red as yours and the oceans of your world. Red red red, in majority. Hah.

Still ow. You're cold and tired and achey. You guess you could get some sleep? Maybe, you really don't have the hours to spare. It's been a long time since you slept in your hive, actually. You guess you'll pop awake in your tower on the moon again.

That'd be nice. Ever since you went on the run, whenever you slept you'd find yourself in the streets of Prospit. Usually being poked and stared at. Embarrassing! But you were always okay with it, as long as you got to dream there. You shudder to think what it'd have been like to dream as a normal troll does, always away from sopor. You don't think you'd handle nightmares well at all. But hey! Your waking life was a nightmare anyways, so a good trade-off?

Whatever.

*

Look at that!! Your old set of grubbly little pillows! Dadsprite must have found and laundered them for you; you'll have to hug him in thanks later. Awesome, it even has your favorite brown one. Maybe you could make some more, create a little pad to flop onto. Let's try that.

*

ah whoops. You hit the auto-repeat option by mistake; way too many extra pillows. Right just gotta find the right button to turn it off and

*

fuck.

who would even alchemize these......

*

consuck pillows anyways

MUTANTS??..

*

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Look at this. Utterly absurd. If anyone saw you they'd know you were the silliest girl in all of paradox space. The most undignified ever, and you've had a LOT of undignified moments.

*

Oh woah hey. Hey... this... is sort of comfortable. You are all burrowed in here like a pupating wriggler. Buried alive in pillows. Ensconced. You should probably get out of this fatally soft fluffy quicksand, right away.

But it's just so...

 

...so...

 

Oh no.

*

oh nooooooooo

Full Circle

Okay then. It's been a long day for all of you. 'Puzzle 8ullshit' is pretty much over with, and there's rumor and murmur of everyone reaching their final gate soon. Which means... the Denizens. Well, whatever. A month of routine isn't going to change for you just yet.

What IS going to change is your wardrobe. The hour nears for your daily Karkat Vantas Rel8tionship Counseling Corner. You log on, wait for the others to start freaking out at you about their quadrants, and then begin being a goddamned chessmaster of their hearts and spades. You ARE the Thief of Heart, after all.

So you flip on your ATTIRE DE L'AMOUR ET LA ANATHEME. Okay that wasn't its alchemized name, but it's become the official title for your leisure-suit of romantic meddling.

Sometimes you like to pretend this is a TV show. TV was so new and cool. You'd have, like, a big chair, all soft and plush and NOT covered in fucking spider webs. Maybe a few black oracles strewn about on nice tables, with you by a combustion alcove, viewers glued as they message in for romantic advice and

*

FUCK. FANTASY INTERRUPTED. NOW WHAT. ARRRRRRRRGH.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] began trolling cunningGangewifre [CG] --

GA: Karkat Karkat Karkat Karkat Karkat Karkat Karkat Karkat

GA: Look I Typed Eight For You Please Be There Come On

CG: JEGUS PISSING WINE INTO A BOTTLE, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW MARYAM?

GA: Oh

GA: Oh Thank God Youre There Karkat

GA: Nobody Else Is

GA: Please Stay On Please Keep Talking To Me

CG: WOW. OKAY. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? ARE YOU SOLICITING ROMANTIC HELP? THIS'D BE THE FIRST TIME.

GA: No Karkat

GA: I

GA: Just Talk To Me

GA: About Anything

CG: WHAT? WHY? DAMMIT MARYAM I DON'T HAVE 8 MINUTES TO SHIT OUT FOR YOU TO USE WHENEVER YOU WANT.

CG: OKAY FINE, MAYBE I DO FOR YOU, ACTUALLY. YOU'VE NEVER W8STED MY TIME. I'M TRYING TO DISPENSE ROMANTIC ADVICE HERE, THOUGH. YOU KNOW THIS IS MY HOUR.

GA: Karkat I Swear I Know And I Am Sorry But I Direly Need Anyone To Talk To Right Now

GA: I Am

GA: I Think This Is A Panic Attack And I Just Dont Know How To Deal With the Implications Of This

CG: WHAT? OF WHAT? I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU FLIP OUT LIKE THIS BEFORE. IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

GA: This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach

GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand

GA: Because I Sure As Hell Dont Understand Anything Now

GA: I Am Covered In Slime And Weeping Like A Wriggler

GA: And She Is All Cocooned In My Cape Here

GA: And You Are Already Playing Matchmaker Over There

GA: And There I Am Just Bright As The Sun Like A Great Big Stinking Red X On A Map Titled 'Kill Me Please'

GA: Oh God

GA: Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh God

GA: This Is Just

GA: This Isnt Happening

CG: HOLY SHIT MARYAM YOU ARE RAMBLING.

CG: DID YOU EAT SOPOR?

CG: TELL ME YOU 8 SOPOR. YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT. HOLD ON.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] is now an idle troll! --

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] is now an idle troll! --

CG: OKAY. WOW. THAT TOOK EFFORT. ARE YOU SANE NOW?

GA: No

GA: Not Really

GA: Just Warn Me Next Time You Decide To Deep Freeze My Brain To Calm Me Down

CG: LISTEN I DIDN'T ENJOY IT, AND YOU NEEDED IT. JUST FUCKING BREATHE.

CG: SO YOU'RE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR NOOK. GR8. MIND EXPLAINING?

GA: I Am Unsure There Is Even A Proper Word For The Subject

GA: It Has Broached My Mind And I Am Ready To Give Up And Lie Down On The Floor Here And Watch This Timer Count Down While You All Roost In My Hair

CG: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT, TIME TO M8KE THIS USEFUL FOR THE BOTH OF US.

CG: RED OR BLACK?

GA: What

CG: R OR B MARYAM, DON'T PLAY COY WITH ME. YOU'VE AVOIDED MY ADVICE FOR THIS LONG, AND YOU NEED TO T8KE YOUR MIND OFF OF WHATEVER IS DRIVING YOU SHITHIVE MAGGOTS. I'D ASK FOR DETAILS BUT YOU'RE JUST FLIPPING YOUR SHIT SO HARD RIGHT NOW IT'S FLOWN OFF THE GRILL AND INTO THE STREET.

GA: Uh

GA: Well

GA: This Is An Awkward Subject For Me

CG: NO SHIT MARYAM. I SWEAR EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR WEIRD MUT8ION YOU'D STILL BE A DEAD WOMAN WALKIN' BY THE TIME THE DRONE CAME A KNOCKIN'.

GA: Oh Wow

GA: Fuck You Too Vantas

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THAT'S MORE LIKE IT.

CG: I'LL DECIDE FOR YOU. WEIRD ASS RED BLOOD, SO I'LL ASK WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE FLUSHED CORNER.

GA: It

GA: Well

GA: Nothing

GA: Was Pale

GA: Now Nothing

CG: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SERKET, AREN'T WE.

GA: Uh

CG: YOU STILL HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, HAVE YOU.

GA: Um

CG: WELL?

GA: Well What Karkat

GA: I Am Holding Her Here In My Hands

CG: THAT'S A WEIRD METAPHOR.

GA: Karkat

GA: No Actually Fine

GA: Lets Call It A Metaphor

GA: The Metaphor Where I Just Pried Her Off Of Me Since I Started Crying Since I Saw Myself Crying And She Went To Comfort Me I Guess

GA: And Here She Is Now All Tiny And Amber And Wiggling And Giggling Up At Me

GA: And I Am Just Up To My God Damn Nook In Slime And Grubs

GA: I Feel Sick

GA: This Means Its All My Fault

GA: Even If I Blame Paradox Space It Is Still Me Who Pushed The Buttons

GA: And Soon I Suppose I And The Others Will Be Off For 6 Sweeps Of Complete Bullshit

GA: One Hell Of A Prank To Play On Us

GA: Eridan Is Right When He Says Contemplating These Mechanics Too Deeply Will Drive Your Intellect To Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable

GA: Or Maybe Terezi Was Correct When She Told Me It Was All Doomed To Begin With Anyways

GA: Hell I Am Ready To Admit Tavros Has The Right Idea To Just Ingest Sopor Until Faeries Become REAL

GA: THIS IS JUST SO STUPID

GA: so stupid

CG: KANAYA.

CG: I'M STARTING TO PUT TOGETHER THE WEB BEING SPUN HERE AND IT'S MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE AS HELL.

CG: SO HOW ABOUT THIS.

CG: I HAVE AN HOUR HERE WHERE I NEED TO DEAL WITH EVERYONE ELSE'S BULLSHIT. AFTER THAT HOW ABOUT WE TALK AND YOU TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. BY THEN I'LL BE READY AND YOU'LL BE LESS FUCKING MENTAL.

CG: OKAY?

GA: I Am Too Tired To Disagree

GA: I Dont Even Have It In Me To Feel Anger Right Now

GA: So Okay

GA: I Would Like That

CG: I'M WILLING TO ADMIT YOU'VE DONE A LOT FOR ME. AND HELL, I'VE PRETTY MUCH BEEN YOUR PART TIME ANGER MANAGEMENT COUNSELOR THIS PAST MONTH. I STILL THINK YOU'RE A HYSTERICAL IDIOT WITH A LOVE OF EMOTIONAL THEATRICS, BUT I ALSO THINK YOU'RE B8SICALLY OKAY COMPARED TO MOST OF THESE ASSHOLES. YOU GOT MY EAR.

GA: I Appreciate That Karkat

GA: Good Luck With Your Romance Dispensing

GA: I Am Going To Just Lie Down Here For Now And Watch Us Wiggle Around

GA: Just Cry Out The Rest Of The Panic

CG: YOU DO THAT. BUT YEAH.

CG: IF IT HELPS JUST KNOW THAT BESIDES YOU, SERKET IS THE ONLY ONE WHO HASN'T SOLICITED ME FOR ADVICE.

GA: I

GA: Will Keep That In Mind

CG: I GOTTA GET CRACKING HERE, L8ER.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling cunningGangewifre [CG] --

*

Well that was emotionally exhausting and kind of awkward.

The funny thing about moirallegiances, is that sometimes they happen between two people who don't even realize they're in one.

Probably for the best.

Anger Management

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: WELL? ARE YOU CALM YET?

GA: MUST YOU INSIST ON FORCING ME TO TYPE 'OW' EVERY TIME YOU MAKE ME HIT MYSELF YOU WEB WEEPING NUBBY HORNED DEGENERATE

CG: SIGH.

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

CG: STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

GA: Ow

*

And so on.

Listen, nobody ever said he was good at this.

Paladin

*

The KNIGHT OF LIFE, having finally reached the top of her echeladder, appreciates a rare moment of serenity in the LAND OF GRAVES AND FLOOD.

You guess it's a good time to reflect. It's been an insane ride these past few weeks. You've taken this whole game sort of real seriously, especially when you managed to figure out that you're creating a new UNIVERSE, not just a new world or something. That is some heavy shit, as far as you're concerned. Not wise to be a petulant little grub about it.

Hasn't been easy, though. The others appeared to be beating the game a shit ton faster than you were. You'd been doing all you could to help your consorts, solve puzzles, learn the lore hidden around your Land, and basically put your FLARPing skills to the highest test. It isolated you from the others a lot, and that made you kind of sad, and sort of lonely... but then again you had so much to do. Chooooress!! Only chores of a world-forging and incredibly important kind. Shoveling cosmic shit into the manure pile of divinity. Or something. Your dreamself still hadn't awoken either, but you finally knew why.

The funny thing is, you didn't and still sort of don't know that you're pretty much the only one of your 11 friends who is trying to play the game right. You've feared being behind the curve like a typical stuttering idiot, but you've accomplished and learned more than any of the others. Thankfully, you hadn't been included in most of the plans to overthrow royalty, and was saved from the worst of the inter-personal conflicts, leaving you to your own devices. Until recently anyways, when Karkat and Terezi contacted you with something urgent. You'll get to that.

You guess you'd be pretty elated if you knew how well you were actually doing. All that remains is two things, one of them being facing your Denizen; you already rescued much of your Land from the dark waters choking their temples, towns, and burial grounds. You had even gone to other Lands, and done things that in the long run would end up saving the lives of your friends; an unseen guardian of their wellbeing.

The other thing you need to do, or rather DID... well, again, you're getting to that.

Really, you still don't think you're very good at protecting things or lives or people; it still scares you. But example has shown otherwise. You worked through a lot of your personal problems over the past weeks, and don't feel quite so burdened with self-doubt anymore.

You even trusted what the thrum of your brown heart told you what was to come next, as awful as it was. The pulse of Life has never lied.

But fine, let's get to the next thing that happened. You talked to Karkat and Terezi, and they only confirmed what you had felt in your heart. You were going to die.

One of the greatest agents of the enemy was going to end your life.

Alone, there was no way you could win against him. And you refused to risk the lives of the others when there was another way out. This is what the pulse of Life told you -- that your own heart would be quieted, and then you would become more than what you were. Didn't make sense, scared you shitless, but you knew you had to do it. You had found the confidence to face it.

Karkat and Terezi helped you get to your Quest Cocoon, and then promised they'd make sure Kanaya was safe while you were away; she was next once you were dead. If they could just buy you enough time, you'd lure the agent inside... and let it be done.

That wasn't too long ago. When you arrived, having braved a flooded city of masoleums, Karkat sent you to sleep as you laid down on the bright slab lit by the symbol of Life; there was mercy enough when Noir's black knife tore open your chest.

As your heart went still, for just one second, you felt 11 other heartbeats in place of your own, each of them dependant on one another and you to keep alive. It gave you sense of responsibility that was burned into your soul. Then there was darkness.

You were the only one of the 12 who would ascend. As you awoke among clouds and light, and gazed into the infinite blue above, two words echoed in your mind.

*

KNIGHT: RISE

Make Her A Member Of The Midnight Crew

*

Those bastards. Those TRAITORS. You've never been more mad in your life, more hurt. That they would even discuss such a thing... oh of course they would. They hate him, surely. Just like they surely hate YOU. For what reason would he turn on you? You've spent weeks in alliance, fighting the endless hordes, plotting relentlessly... are they jealous? Afraid?

Or maybe they just hate him because he has the same filthy red poison flowing through his veins that you do. You wouldn't put it past them. NONE of them.

...

Would Vriska...?

*

What? Oh, perfect. Here comes another sneering tyrant to make demands you get rid of him immediately. Your head hurts. Everything is getting a little hazy and discolored. You're fed up. You've put your sweat, tears, and yes, BLOOD, into this journey.

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CG: KANAYA, HEY.

GA: Dont You 'Hey' Me Vantas You Freak Eyed Solipsistic BACKBITER

CG: OKAY, FIGURED I'D GET THAT AS A GREETING. GOOD TO SEE YOU TOO.

GA: Drop The Smooth Act Right Now

GA: Youre Talking To Me Because Youre In Collusion With The Others To Have Jack Exiled

CG: YEAH, I AM.

GA: At Least You Are Direct About It

GA: So I Will Be Too

GA: I Refuse To Let Any Of You Betray Him

CG: YEAH, I KNOW.

GA: What

GA: Oh I See What Youre Doing

GA: What Do You Want In That Case

CG: TO LET YOU IN ON THE PLAN AND TALK YOU OUT OF COMMITTING SUICIDE VIA NOIR.

GA: Suicide

GA: What Are You On About

CG: JEGUS.

CG: LISTEN, THE OTHERS ARE HAPPY TO SPOUT OFF ABOUT HOW HE NEEDS TO GO, BUT AS USUAL THEY DON'T BOTHER TO EXPLAIN WHY. PROBABLY BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE NEARLY AS THICK-HEADED AS YOU WHEN IT COMES TO MANIPUL8TING EVENTS.

CG: GRANTED MOST OF THEM HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M UP TO ANYWAYS.

CG: SO HOW'S THIS FOR DIRECT; I'VE BEEN WORKING CLOSELY WITH HIS OTHER 8GENTS, AND HAVE IT HERE IN WRITING THAT YOU'RE FIRST UP TO BE GUTTED LIKE A MUTANT SWINE AS SOON AS WE HAVE THE BLACK QUEEN'S RING.

GA: Youre Lying

GA: You Have To Be

CG: THAT'D BE GR8 IF I WAS BUT IN HONOR OF FULL DISCLOSURE, I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN WORKING BEHIND YOUR BACK AND THE OTHERS TO HELP SET UP YOUR AFOREMENTIONED MURDER AND THEFT.

GA: What

GA: Youre Trying To Get Me Killed

GA: ?

CG: YEAH. IT'S BEEN HARD WORK BUT I'VE GOT EVERYTHING LINED UP LIKE A ROW OF BLACK ORACLES READY TO BE CRACKED.

GA: But

GA: Why Would You Betray Us

CG: WAIT

CG: YOU THINK

CG: OH GOD MARYAM YOU ARE THE DENSEST GRUB TO EVER TUMBLE OUT OF THE PAIL.

CG: MAYBE YOUR REAL MUT8TION IS SOMEHOW SURVIVING DESPITE THE FACT THAT MOST ROCKS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU.

GA: Karkat You Are Making No SENSE

CG: FINE, YOU'RE UNDER A LOT OF DURESS SO LET ME SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU NICE AND NEAT.

CG: I'VE BEEN WORKING BEHIND ALL OF YOUR BACKS TO HELP THE TOP 8GENTS OF DERSE TO GET YOU ALL IN PLACE TO BE KILLED OFF, STARTING WITH YOU, SO THEY CAN SEIZE POWER FROM THE KING AND QUEEN AND DESTROY SKAIA THEMSELVES.

CG: I'VE SET MYSELF UP AS THE TYPICAL TR8TOROUS POWER-HUNGRY IDIOT WILLING TO HELP THEM, ONLY TO BE DOUBLE-CROSSED AT THE LAST SECOND IN A SURPRISING TWIST NOBODY SAW COMING.

CG: ONLY I'VE BEEN DOING THAT TO GET A CLOSE LOOK AT WHAT KIND OF WEBS THEY'RE SPINNING FOR US SO WE CAN TURN ON THEM INSTEAD, AND I'M ABOUT READY TO SPRING THE TRAP.

CG: JACK HAS BEEN PLAYING YOU LIKE A FINE RED VIOLIN TO GET WHAT HE WANTS; THE RING AND SCEPTRE, AND THEN A WHOLE GODDAMN LOT OF DEAD BODIES.

GA: You Are Positive This Is True

CG: I HAVE NO FUCKING REASON TO LIE TO YOU, DO I?

GA: I

GA: Guess Not

GA: But Why Would Jack Turn On Us After All We Have Gone Through

GA: We Have Fought So Hard And Allocated So Much Time And Effort Together

CG: KANAYA.

CG: I APPRECIATE YOU HAVE THIS THING FOR HIM, TREATING HIM LIKE A ROLE MODEL; I GOT TO SAY I ALSO APPROVE OF THE CARAPACED BASTARD IN MY OWN WAY.

CG: BUT YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT A DUMB FUCKING WRIGGLER FOR HIM TO USE SINCE DAY 1, AND YOU FELL FOR IT.

CG: I'M TRYING TO DO YOU A FAVOR HERE LETTING YOU KNOW FIRST, SINCE YOUR SUPPLE GRAY BACKSIDE IS AT THE TOP OF HIS 'KNIFE MASSAGE' TO-DO LIST.

CG: NOT THAT HE HASN'T ALREADY DONE A FINE JOB TICKLING YOUR RIBS WITH THAT THING; HOW CAN YOU STILL LIKE HIM AFTER THAT MANY STABWOUNDS?

GA: Now Hold It Karkat

GA: Although I Am Suffering From Considerable Shock And Fatigue

GA: I Must Ask How Exactly You Know About My Wounds

GA: And I Will State For The Record

GA: I Fully Consider Such Marks To Be Signs Of His Approval

GA: His Way Of Saying Hello Or Showing He Cares

CG: OH WOW.

CG: YOU NEED HELP, MARYAM. BADLY.

GA: Stop DODGING THE QUESTION Vantas

CG: I'VE BEEN DOING RECON ON ALL OF YOUR HIVES TO FEED THEM INFORMATION WHILE I PASS THROUGH THE GATES, DUMPASS. I CAUGHT YOU ONCE GIVING YOUR FREAKISH MENAGERIE OF KNIFE-NICKS THE GO OVER TO REPATCH THEM. YOUR TORSO LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE PLAYED TIC-TAC-TOE WITH A DRILL ON IT.

GA: I Cannot Believe You Would Do That

GA: No My Apology I Actually Can Believe That

CG: KANAYA, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SLEPT?

GA: You Are Changing The Subject

CG: YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT IN A LONG TIME, HAVE YOU.

GA: What Does That Have To Do With Anything

CG: SO YOU HAVEN'T.

GA: YOUR POINT

CG: MANAGE TO GET AROUND TO MEETING UP WITH VRISKA YET?

GA: Again With The Redirection Of Conversation

GA: What Is This

GA: A Ploy To Trick Me Into Relationship Counseling

GA: Because I Am AWFULLY BUSY RIGHT NOW

CG: HAVEN'T MET UP WITH HER THEN. SHE WAS ASKING ABOUT YOU.

GA: She Was

GA: ?

GA: Wait No Stop RIGHT NOW I Am Not Going To Let You Play Your Games With Me

CG: YOU'RE IN PRETTY BAD SHAPE, KANAYA. YOU'VE BEEN WORKING WITH JACK NONSTOP AND ITS MAKING A MESS OUT OF YOU.

GA: What Do You Even Care

CG: I CARE ENOUGH THAT I DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY IT TO YOUR SNIPPY SHREW SELF.

CG: SERIOUSLY YOU'RE GOING TO BECOME A LIABILITY AT THIS PACE. WHAT LITTLE I DID SEE OF YOU THAT TIME WAS CONCERNING ANYWAYS. LIKE, THAT MOUNTAIN OF PILLOWS? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT DOING THERE?

GA: That

GA: Is Therapy

GA: Okay

CG: FINE, WHATEVER. MY POINT IS THAT YOU'RE SO CAUGHT UP WITH NOIR, WHO'S GOING TO OFF YOU ANYWAYS, THAT YOU'RE LOSING SIGHT OF THE REAL GOAL.

GA: Stop This Karkat

GA: JUST STOP

GA: This Is You Being The Little Chessmaster So I Can Be A Good Piece In Your Weird Games

GA: Not Genuine Concern

CG: SEE?

CG: LISTEN TO YOU, YOU'VE BECOME PARANOID AND SULLEN AS HELL. WELL. MORESO THAN USUAL, AND THAT'S A FEAT. YOU REALLY HAVE TAKEN AFTER NOIR. GOOD WORK.

GA: I Could Forever Scour The Unknowable Lengths Of Paradox Space To Find A Language Suitable To Express My Overheated Apathy And Disdain For You At This Moment And It Would Still Not Be Enough To Quantify It Accurately

CG: YEAH YOU'RE MAD. RIGHT THEN, I'M GOING TO GO. YOU CAN DEAL WITH THIS AS YOU SEE FIT.

GA: Good Riddance

CG: I NEED TO HIT UP VRISKA AND TELL HER TO START RUNNING. SEE YOU.

GA: Wait Stop

GA: Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop

GA: Karkat What Do You Mean By That

CG: WHAT, VRISKA? I TOLD YOU, WE'RE ON A STRICT MURDERING TIMETABLE HERE. YOU'RE B8SICALLY THE ONE THING BETWEEN US AND NOIR'S GANG GOING ALL KNIFE CITY ON OUR SHABBY-DRESSED ASSES.

CG: EXCEPT ME, I'M DRESSED IMMACULATELY.

CG: BUT YEAH VRISKA IS A HIGH-PRIORITY TARGET AFTER YOU, SO YOU CAN KISS HER SHIT-STAINED HORNS GOODBYE.

CG: L8TER.

GA: KARKAT WAIT NO

CG: WHAT????????

GA: Youre Counting On Me To Stop Jack

CG: B8SICALLY, YEAH. BUT YOU'RE A NO SHOW, SO, ON WITH THE STABBY CONGA LINE.

GA: Now Hold It This Makes No Sense

GA: Even If It Did I Do Not See Why You Would Not Simply Coerce Me Mentally Into Compliance

CG: HEY, YEAH, I GUESS IT TURNS OUT I REALLY DISLIKE MANIPUL8TING PEOPLE I HAVE SOME MODICUM OF RESPECT FOR.

GA: You Respect Me

GA: ?

CG: SHIT. LOOKS LIKE VRISKA ISN'T ANSWERING. HOPE I'M NOT TOO L8.

GA: Oh God

GA: No No No No No

GA: Karkat Ill Do It I Will Confront Jack

CG: WHAT? ARE YOU CHANGING YOUR MIND?

GA: Karkat I Dont Care I Need To Act Now

GA: Im Going To Do This Myself If I Must

CG: DO WHAT YOURSELF.

GA: I Am Going To Personally Commit The Exile Of Jack Noir

GA: Dont Wait Up

CG: SHIT, KANAYA, NO!!!!!!!!

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling cunningGangewifre [CG] --

*

You can't believe it. He's right. You've been... so selfish. So God damn stupid and dense. Your journey is almost over, and here you are; you've barely spoken with Vriska, eschewed the company and wisdom of the people you call friends, severely neglected the dreams and visions you once held so dear, hardly done anything meaningful with your Land, and instead spent all these weeks with a violent agent of the enemy, plotting murder and exile, and being an willing pawn to his destructive desires... all because he has the same blood as you. You've been such a good little thug for him, and all you have to show for it is a bad attitude and a shit load of new scars.

Great work, Maryam.

You're going to resolve this now. You know Jack better than all the others put together, and you're going to get him exiled, no matter what it takes. You will NOT let him hurt Vriska, or the others. You can do this. Then you'll beat this game, and finally try to let go of all these problems; the hurt, the shame, the hate.

All of it.

*

........

*

Heh. Hehehehehehehehe. Or maybe you should say h3h3h3h3. Perfect. Almost. Better confer with the one you're in cahoots with. c4hOOOOOOOOts!

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] began trolling guillotineCatastrophe [GC] --

CG: TEREZI, YOU THERE?

GC: w3ll 1f 1t 1snt m1st3r p3r1w1nkl3 pr1d3 >8D

CG: THAT'D BE ME. IT'S DONE, AS WELL AS I COULD PULL IT OFF. SHE'S AFTER NOIR LIKE A RABID MUSCLEBEAST.

GC: gr34t!

GC: or m4yb3 1 should s4y gr8!!!!!!!! >8p

CG: OH HARDY HAR-HAR-HAR. LAUGH IT UP, DOOMSALOT.

CG: I SWEAR ALL THOSE YEARS OF SETTING UP BOTCHED BLACKROMS IS PAYING OFF AT LAST. BUT I COULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS WITHOUT YOU.

GC: fl4tt3r3d >8)

GC: so how r3d d1d sh3 g3t 4bout 1t

CG: ABOUT WHAT?

GC: 4bout th3 f4ct th4t j4ck h4s k1ll3d vr1sk4, dummy! >8o

CG: OH, I DIDN'T ACTUALLY TELL HER THAT YET, I ONLY SAID HE WAS AFTER HER. THAT'S MY ACE IN THE WEB IF SHE CONFRONTS HIM AND DECIDES TO HESITATE.

CG: SENDING ALL THESE PICTURES AND VIDEO FEEDS OF HER CORPSE TAKING A BLOODIED STAB-NAP IN THAT BLOWN OUT HIVE SHOULD COOK HER UP INTO A NEON-RED SCREAMING FIT.

CG: ........

CG: TEREZI, YOU THERE????????

GC: k4rk4t 1m so sorry! 1 w4s l4ugh1ng so h4rd 1 couldnt br34th3! >XD

CG: WHAT. WHAT'S SO FUNNY ABOUT THIS.

GC: 1t 1s just so gr34t, 1m4g1n1ng th3 look on k4n4y4s f4c3, from us m4k1ng vr1sk4s poor l1ttl3 4mb3r corps3 wr1ggl3 4nd flop 4round, cry1ng '1 d13d b3c4us3 of yooooou'

GC: h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3h3

CG: HOLY SHIT TEREZI, YOU'RE COOL AND I KNOW THE MACABRE SHIT IS LIKE YOUR THING, BUT THAT'S JUST FUCKED UP. DIAL IT BACK.

GC: h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4h4 >8p

CG: GO AHEAD AND HAVE YOUR GIGGLE FIT, BUT GET READY TO JOIN WITH ME SOON. WE STILL HAVE A LOT OF GOD DAMN MANIPUL8TIONS AND EXECUTIONS AHEAD OF US.

GC: 1 hop3 vr1sk4 c4n g3t b4ck to us soon >8/

CG: I'M SURE SHE'S FINE, HAVING A FAIRY-FUCKING GOOD TIME FLOPPING AROUND SKAIA AS A NEWBORN GOSSAMER GOD. SHIT, FIGURES SHE'D BE FIRST TO ACHIEVE IT, BUT IT WASN'T EASY GETTING HER IN THAT HIVE ANYWAYS. HOPEFULLY I GET TO BE NEXT.

GC: w3ll 1f you w4nt w3 c4n 4lw4ys f1nd yours 4nd 1 could show you...

GC: MY st4bs

GC: > 8p

GC: >8p

GC: > 8p

GC: >8p

CG: WOAH HEY GETTING AWFULLY SUGGESTIVE WITH THOSE EYEBROWS THERE.

GC: but how c4n 1 r3s1st th3 1d34 of gu1ltl3ssly 3xp3r13nc1ng TH4T much gl1tt3r1ng p3r1w1nkl3 4t onc3?! >8O~

CG: I THINK

CG: WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS IN PERSON.

GC: 1f you 1ns1st <3

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] ceased trolling guillotineCatastrophe [GC] --

Cutting Room Floor

-- CCA RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE GREEN ROOM --

CCA: it started wwhen i got a Message from Future Me little more than a wweek into the Journey

FUTURE chronicAugustus [FCA] 413 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCA: FIND A WWAY TO STOP THE SCREAM

CCA: that wwas all i fuckin wwrote and there wwas no Response wwhen i asked wwhat wwas Up

CCA: it sat on me Cold since the only other memo i wwas evver postin wwas to ask my Future Self if there wwas any Point in usin them to begin wwith

CCA: and he told me nah dont bother just make sure to keep a shovvel handy

CCA: and i said yeah i figured that wwas the Deal

CCA: but that memo wwas only a feww hours before the neww one

CCA: it took me a feww fuckin Days to finally get it to click

CCA: neps lusus

CCA: it got prototyped

CCA: and noww the opposition wwas havvin the Sound

CCA: or

CCA: the Scream as i wwas evventually callin it

CCA: howw the fuck are you supposed to Stop that

CCA: i wwasnt havvin the psychic powwer to do anythin about it

CCA: but then i wwas gettin an idea

CCA: still had alchemy

CCA: and plenty of me

CCA: and hell i wwas the Mage of Time

CCA: so wwhy not try to wwork some fuckin Magic

CCA: got to rememberin wwhat Mom wwas tellin me about the others

CCA: Bond of Blood wwas gonna savve us all

CCA: it wwas seemin simple then

CCA: all i had to do wwas Make Somethin

CCA: set myself up wwith a wway to redirect the Scream

CCA: sorta complicated

CCA: a real Dirty hack all things considered

CCA: but then wwhen yer playin wwith Time evverythin is Dirty

CCA: gonna spare the Details here i think

CCA: but the plan is simple

CCA: gotta alchemize myself a Hell of an Implant wwith Aradias help

CCA: shes got all the science bullshit dowwn to a

CCA: science

CCA: hah

CCA: just needin a sample of Blood from the lot of us

CCA: mostly from nep an kan

CCA: Highest an Lowwest

CCA: but

CCA: nah

CCA: aint a line is it

CCA: its a WWheel

CCA: just like my reels

CCA: no start or end

CCA: gonna rig a devvice then

CCA: make it wwork so wwhen the Scream is goin off itll only hit me

CCA: since ill be carryin the Signature of evveryone through blood an mind

CCA: makin it think its hittin all of em wwhen itll just be me

CCA: only problem is

CCA: just

CCA: gotta make sure theres enough of Me to take it the wwhole wwhile

CCA: gonna be a Long Fight

CCA: wwhich means

CCA: its gonna take

CCA: ...

CCA: A Lot Of Fuckin Mes

CCA: to make sure they Survvivve

CCA: aint a problem im guessin

CCA: gonna touch dowwn on that Bright Blue Ball

CCA: and theres gonna be a wwhole lotta Me

CCA: To Make Sure They Livve

CCA: already buried Myself dozens an dozens of times

CCA: so wwhats a feww Thousand more in one go

CCA: wworth It though

CCA: if its meanin that they dont gotta Suffer more than one dead line

CCA: evven one is Too Many

CCA: sorry fef

CCA: probably shoulda just told you

CCA: gonna be one hell of a Showw

*

> Eridan: Converge ahead towards the end.

Rex Duodecim Virtus

You... you did it.

Together, the twelve of you ascended to Skaia, some of you having just met in person for the first time. For you, it was the first time you saw Vriska since you even entered the game.

Jack. The look on his face when you did the deed, had him exiled... you're not sure if it was rage, or pride in the fact that you had fallen as far as he had. But it was done. Your Denizen was slain, and the final battle began among a storm of fire and screams.

Nobody knew the final foe would possess the power of Nepeta's Lusus. Nobody save Eridan, who had already prepared for the inevitable. None of you saw the jade army from all the doomed timelines, as they crowded about the crawling hooves of the Black King, each ready and equipped to die in sacrifice as the Scream tore apart their minds.

But despite that psychic redirection, you all still felt its echo lashing relentlessly, slowly but surely killing you. There was little time to spare, and you had to give it your all.

Even with all the failed destinies and lack of divine power, you were still a dozen of truly nasty bastards. Terezi's curses, Equius' robotic archery army, Gamzee's feral speed, Eridan's expert marksmanship, Karkat's organ-reaving intensity, Aradia's chemical warfare and psychic-mimicking devices, Tavros' incredible luck, Sollux's holy spells, Captor's psychokinetic violence, Nepeta's lusus-slaying prowess...

Feferi performed admirably, if far behind the others, until a particularly vicious attack left her reeling and... angry. Nobody is sure what she did exactly, but apparently her pact with the Dark Gods allowed for favors to be asked. That should have been your first warning.

The sound of what was happening to the King in that miasma of pitch black still haunts you.

But it was still barely enough. The enemy you faced was stronger than anything you had fought before, and his endless screaming and deific might was starting to wear you all down. Even Nepeta was not immune to that monstrous sound.

To your credit, even when the pain began to fill your mouth with blood and eyes with haze, you didn't give in. You didn't lose your cool and go berserk. For the first time in your life, you had control. But it wasn't doing you much good as the end drew near. Though the King was himself hanging by a thread, none of you had anything significant left to throw against him. As the sky rained fire, and Skaia groaned with the effort to keep itself together, you had started to wonder if it was going to be in vain.

But then Vriska came forward; the only one among you to have become a God. She went to throw her dice, seeking to tip the scales... and off the edge they both went, as she stumbled on a wounded leg.

That pretty much doomed everything, or so you thought.

Yet she kept going; lacking her dice, Vriska pulled out a sword, and flew to the King. In the last seconds before defeat, the Scream leaving you in helpless agony, she struck the Dersian deity down with a single, almighty blow.

Thus the Knight of Life realized her destiny. Or so she thought at the time.

But...

*

You won.

*

KANAYA: Vriska.

VRISKA: Hey!! You okay??

KANAYA: Im Fine Thanks To You.

KANAYA: We All Are.

VRISKA: Guessss sso. ...thiss iss it, huh.

KANAYA: I Guess It Is.

KANAYA: ...

KANAYA: Vrisa Listen.

KANAYA: Before We Step Through That Door Together I Need To Tell You Something.

VRISKA: Yeah??

KANAYA: Youve Always Been There For Me.

KANAYA: No Matter What Ive Done Or How Selfish Ive Been.

VRISKA: Aww, come on. It'ss been f-

KANAYA: No Listen

KANAYA: I Never Got To Tell You.

VRISKA: Tell me what??

KANAYA: That More Than Anything

KANAYA: Or Anyone

KANAYA: That I Have ALWAYS

*

KANAYA: Wait What

*

KANAYA: Wait...

 

 

*

KANAYA: What

Upon reexamination of your past track record, and judging by how hard Terezi is laughing while she sobs uncontrollably, you probably should have seen that coming.

Sleep...

*
*

!!!

You're awake. Yay!

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM! You have been a dreamer of Prospit since you were a teeny grub, wriggling and giggling about your tower.

Oh wow, it's been so LONG since you were last awake, that's unusual. Your other self must have been so so busy!

*

It's kind of an odd relationship, really. You two are so different! Your waking self is such a huge grumpybutt. But here, on Prospit... you've always had peace. Your blood has never been a problem. You're safe and happy! You walk around, read lore, watch the clouds, talk to the citizens, check on your sleeping friends, and do your best to be nice to Terezi -- even if all she does is stare at Skaia and laugh! Kinda creepy. You'll make it up to her, you promised. You know you did something very bad.

Something seems off, though. You feel sort of strange, like you're missing some obvious fact. You do know you're finally playing the game -- you're not sure how far along you are yet. You hope everyone wakes up soon... it's lonely here. You should check on them again, especially Vriska; you always wished so much she was awake here too, you know she'd like it a lot!

You do have a special promise you made to her, too. Whispered it into her ear a long time ago. You said that when she DOES wake up... you're gonna tell her your big secret.

No, not the blood one! That doesn't matter.

*

You're going to tell her you love her! That is a very important thing for you to do.

Wow, where is everyone? Streets are awful quiet. Maybe you should find the Queen and talk to her? Like the clouds, she told you SO MUCH. That one day, you'd help create a new universe! That it'd be a paradise world where you and your friends would all be free, forever. Your waking self has worked so HARD all these sweeps to make that happen.

*

You're gonna make it up to her -- yourself -- too. You learned about the rite of ascension; it would be a sorta scary and hard thing to do, but if it happened, then you'd both join together, and become a whole person at last, ready to go to the new universe! You'd be complete. You are very excited about that idea.

Right then, enough flupping around like a wriggler. You gotta figure out what's going on with the game. You...

*

Hey. What's that coming down from Skaia?

*
*

Embrace

rdv31-1.png
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rdv31-3.png
rdv31-4.png
rdv31-5.png rdv31-6.png
*
rdv31-9.png

Things have... kind of sucked, since your dreamself died.

Hello, I Hate You, Won't You...

*

Your name is Kanaya Maryam.

You just had the worst fucking nightmare of your life, by which you mean your first, and now you're left with a raging headache and more exhaustion. Things are... not looking so hot anymore. You're all stuck on an icy cold rockball, in the same lab where you managed to make the colossal blunder of finishing the timeloop of yours and your friends' own creation.

Logic tells you that you have to do something, but there is fuckall you can think of for ideas. Not like you're everyone's leader or some shit, even if your influence helped make everyone a little less psychotic.

Bitch on a biscuit. Feferi is still over in the corner politely soapboxing about the Dark Gods and how everyone should listen to them now that their dreamselves are dead, how it'll be everyone's only hope. The Demon wasted very little time; you all barely escaped with your lives thanks to Eridan's temporal magic, and not a moment after you arrived, Prospit was reduced to so much burning gold mulch. There was nothing to hold the Demon back from starting his rampage, nobody to slow him down for even a minute.

You're awake now either way. Everyone looks really somber, and so damn tired... part of you chooses the usual route of self-loathing and decides to blame yourself for this. But logically, really, it just seems like it was an inevitable freak incident. You guess Terezi was right; you've always been doomed to fail.

Always doomed to die...

*

Ungh. Karkat is messaging you. You better respond. He managed to keep you from having a complete psychotic breakdown earlier, reducing it instead to a tremendous pissyfit followed by the naptime from Hell.

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CG: HEY. YOU THERE?

GA: no

CG: OH COME ON. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?

GA: trying not to sleep

CG: OH. YEAH, VANTAS PROTIP: DON'T DO IT. YOU'D THINK WE'D GET ONE LAST BIT OF REST BEFORE SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED, BUT NOPE. A8NT IN THE CARDS.

GA: eh

CG: COME ON WOMAN. AREN'T YOU THE LEAST BIT EXCITED ABOUT THE HUMANS?

GA: The

GA: What

CG: YOU WERE ASLEEP THROUGH THAT? WOW, YOU REALLY WERE GRUMPY AND TIRED.

GA: With All The Kindness And Energy I Can Muster Karkat

GA: Piss Off

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. THERE WE GO. YOU SHOULD CHECK THEM OUT, I GUESS APPARENTLY THEY'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS FUCKED UP MESS? SOMEHOW?

GA: You Are Being Shockingly Chipper About Our Doom

CG: MARYAM, WHETHER OR NOT WE DIE HORRIBLY, I KNOW ONE OF YOU P8VEMENT-GRINDING BULGEBUMPERS WILL FIGURE OUT WHAT THE DEAL IS AND HOPEFULLY CONCOCT A PLAN TO GET US OUT OF HERE ALIVE. UNTIL THEN?

CG: I HAVE THE ONCE IN A LIFETIME CHANCE TO MANAGE QUADRANTS ACROSS DIMENSIONS.

GA: You

CG: YES I'M DEAD SERIOUS.

GA: Augh

CG: THE 8 BALL NEVER LIES, MARYAM. I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A SH8KE AND SEE WHAT WE GET.

GA: What Are Humans Anyways

CG: WEIRD AS HANDS ON A SPIDER IS WHAT. THEY'RE THESE FUNNY COLORED HORNLESS MUTANTS, SOME WITH FREAK BLOOD LIKE YOU, FROM WHAT I'M TOLD.

GA: You Mean They Have Bright Mutant Red

GA: Like Me

GA: ?

CG: THAT'S WHAT I JUST SAID, CANDY GIRL.

GA: Oh Wow

CG: I DON'T REALLY ENJOY TALKING TO ANY OF THEM TO BE HONEST, AND I CAN'T EVEN MANIPUL8 THEM. ALL IT DOES IS MAKE THEM SEIZE UP AND PASS OUT LIKE FRIGHTENED WOOLBEASTS. IT WAS FUNNY FOR HALF AN HOUR BUT THEN IT GOT OLD.

GA: Have The Others Been Speaking With Them

CG: INCESSANTLY. I'M JUST W8TING FOR A QUADRANT TO PROPERLY OPEN SO I CAN MANAGE IT, SEE WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF.

GA: Um

GA: Is It Really The Time Or The Place To Be Doing That

CG: DON'T START ON ME. I MANAGED TO KEEP ALL 12 OF US FROM LOSING OUR MINDS UNDER SOME OF THE MOST HIGH-PRESSURE MOMENTS OF OUR MISERABLY TRUNC8TED LIVES. I'M DOING US ALL A DIPLOMATIC SERVICE. JUST WATCH, YOU'LL BE FUCKING TRIPPING OVER QUADRANTS BY THE END OF THE HOUR.

GA: I Highly Doubt It

GA: How About You Assuage My Headache And Gnawing Guilt By Giving Me A Rundown Of Our Apparent Malefactors

CG: THERE'S ONLY FOUR OF THEM.

GA: A Shame There Is Not Eight

CG: OH KAN IT.

CG: ONE OF THEM IS THE MOST INSUFFERABLY DENSE SPACESHOT I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF SEEING. HE FUCKS AROUND ON A HIDEOUSLY BRIGHT ISLAND ALL DAY WITH HIS HORRIBLE LUSUS. I THINK HE'S BEEN TALKING TO EQUIUS OR TEREZI.

CG: THE OTHER I DIDN'T SEE MUCH OF, HE LOOKED LIKE SOME APATHETIC DOUCHEPILL WHO FONDLES WEIRD LOOKING PUPPETS ALL DAY WHILE HE GETS THE LIVING PIGSHIT THRASHED OUT OF HIM BY THIS OLDER HUMAN HE LIVES WITH. ERIDAN IS ALL OVER THAT GUY.

GA: Oh Really Now

CG: IT A8NT GOSSIP IF IT'S TRUE. SEEN HIM MYSELF, FRETTING AND MULLING AND MUTTERING ABOUT THE GUY. I'M 8 STEPS AWAY FROM ASKING HOW RED HE'S GONE.

GA: Ugh

GA: Theyre Already Starting To Sound Unpleasant

CG: NOT DONE YET. THE OTHER ONE IS SOME SERIOUSLY WISPY-LOOKING FLIGHTY BROAD. MAYBE IT'S A BROAD? ERIDAN SAID SO. I TALKED TO HER, GOT A NAME EVEN, DAVID. CLASS 8 SUPREME ASSHOLE OF THE IMPERIAL SHITHEAD LEGION. ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE, AND HOLY SHIT SERKET WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT HER.

GA: what

CG: FUCK. HOLD ON, QUIET DOWN, DON'T FREAK OUT. I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT. NOTHING RED, OKAY? PALE. ALL PALE. APPARENTLY SHE'S A HIDEOUSLY UNSTABLE AND DANGEROUS NUTCASE. I ONLY SENSED OVERWHELMING PRICK MYSELF, BUT SERKET IS RAMBLING ON ABOUT 'PROPER KNIGHT' AND 'DARK THROES' OR SOME SUCH NONSENSE.

GA: She

GA: Has Gone Pale For Someone Else

CG: ...I GUESS SO. I CAN'T SAY FOR SURE. I GUESS SHE JUST SEEMS REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS JERK'S DEAL. HELLFIRE, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO BROKE THE DIAMOND ANYWAYS. DON'T GET TOO MAD, SHE STILL HAS A HEART OPEN YOU KNOW.

GA: Okay Were Not Discussing Any Of That Right Now

CG: SUIT YOURSELF, SISTER. I WON'T PUSH IT.

GA: And The Last One

CG: NOT SURE, I ONLY GOT ONE GLANCE. SHE IS AN INTOLERABLY PERKY LOOKING FUCKRAG. I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HER. APPARENTLY SHE'S THE BRAINS BEHIND THE OPER8TION.

GA: So You Think This Was An Act Of Sabotage Or Perhaps War Against Us

GA: Maybe A Conquered Species

CG: NO, THEY'RE DEFIN8TELY JUST A BUNCH OF BUCKET BITING NITWITS FROM ANOTHER SESSION. IF THEY'RE OUT TO GET US, THEN I CAN'T TELL. JUST GO LOOK FOR YOURSELF.

GA: I Suppose I Will Observe The Intolerably Perky One

GA: Perhaps Sleuth Out A Reason Why They Have Sought Our Death

GA: I Have Nothing Better To Do In The Face Of Such Failure

CG: OKAY. JUST KEEP YOUR COOL FOR ME, PLEASE? THE OTHERS ARE ALREADY ON EDGE.

GA: Well

GA: Fine

GA: For You

CG: THANKS.

-- gloomyApoplectic [GA] ceased trolling cunningGangewifre [CG] --

Well fine. Bluh. So it turns out four assholes were somehow responsible for your impending doom. On purpose? Mistake? Does it matter? You need to take your mind off of things. Your levels of surl are reaching critical as your head pounds, and you're already jumpy at the idea the Demon could be here any minute. A distraction will help.

Let's take a look, assess the enemy here or something. You're sure they're competent creatures worthy of respect, Karkat was probably just exager8ting as always. Right so the first one --

*

Oh what the fuck. Okay no fine maybe the next one.

*

...shit's sake.

Fine! The NEXT one. David or whoever.

*

oh my GOD what a pissfuck this one is you are kind of mad now

what does vriska possibly see in her worth being pale over

Whatever. The last one. The one they bond around? Okay. Maybe she's like you. Maybe she's been through a lot of awful shit. Maybe she's fought hard for acceptance and understanding. Life surely can't be that easy for all of them. You bled and burned to get the game going, only to have your dream of freedom stolen away. She at least must have suffered --

*

Oh.

 

*

Haha. She. Right there, she... heh.

*

Whelp.

Magi

Okay... okay. You've calmed down. Put on a cool guy face. Cool. Calm. Composed. Collected. Controlled. C... you ran out of soothing c-words. Crap.

It's fine. You obviously messed up, you guess. You went back and...

Died?

Okay. Sure. Obviously something really weird happened. But yeah. Here you are, dead as a doornail, blood all over. It's fine. Fine fine fine. Your Bro taught you to keep a poker face against everything that got you down, which you guess includes your own corpse staring back at you and oh god youre gonna be sick

*

Okay, maybe not. This asshole has great timing. Put on a cool face! Composed! C-words.

-- chronicAugustus [CA] began trolling gaianGearhead [GG] --

CA: okay listen no stop noww

CA: youre goin about it All Fuckin WWrong man

CA: this is not howw you manage Time

GG: ugh

GG: you guys either love to tell us how badly we screw up

GG: or how bad were going to screw up

GG: but never actually help us not screw up! >:(

CA: okay wwoww

CA: lets Start Over

CA: youre the redblood guy named Jade right

GG: yeah

CA: and you control Time right

GG: yeah

CA: well i control Time too so i got advvice you should listen to

GG: nah

CA: oh God Dammit dont take that attitude i wwant to help

GG: maybe you could help by never bothering me or my friends ever again

GG: thatd be

GG: so cool

CA: No Dammit

CA: just the wway you Handle Time its all wwrong youre gonna get yourself needlessly killed

CA: i see the corpse Jade

GG: um

GG: well so what

GG: looks like i messed up

GG: i can just go back again and fix it

CA: no

CA: No No No No No

CA: you cant just keep creating Dead Lines you cant do that

CA: man do you knoww WWhat Happens wwhen you come back an change somethin wwithout makin a Stable Loop

GG: should i care? :|

CA: yeah you should

CA: youre Doomed

GG: what the hell does that mean

GG: is this another lame troll prank or threat

GG: i should tell you i am really good at dealing with pranks

GG: like probably the best! :o

GG: unless its an ironic prank because then i know to just act cool

CA: wwhat

CA: no

CA: Dammit Just Listen

CA: i mean if you come from a Doomed Future that aint the Alpha then youre Doomed too

CA: and that means the dead Jades start pilin up

CA: i would knoww

GG: this sounds like a bunch of nonsense

CA: listen man

CA: this is howw it Works

CA: you comin back from a Doomed Future

CA: which means a timeline yer Invvalidatin by goin back an chagin somethin so it aint Possible no more

CA: then by proxy yer an element thats also Doomed and aint gonna be long for the world

GG: you mean every time i go back and change something

GG: im going to die?

CA: yeah

CA: i aint sayin this to be a Downer man

CA: but i am wwarnin you to not be so damn careless with the Rewwinds

CA: dont go back just cause a friend is stubbin their toe and you wwanna stop it

GG: well

GG: okay

GG: guess ill keep that in mind

GG: but it doesnt matter as long as i can change stuff still

GG: thats all that matters

CA: Some stuff you aint gonna be able to Change man

CA: you better accept that Right Now

GG: and what if i dont! >:(

CA: then

CA: then youre gonna be a sad bastard

CA: wwho keeps Tryin an Tryin to go back

CA: and Change all this stupid shit that you dont want to happen because it means Others gotta be sufferin

CA: and youre gonna bring a god damn shovel to keep up with the Piles

CA: and alchemize some fuckin tissues with extra absorbency to Deal with the shit you feel

CA: unless you wwanna skip a step an just resign to being Heartless about the wwhole deal

CA: but you dont an you just end up bein a useless piece of shit wwho is only evver accomplishin anything cause you FUCKED UP So Many Times you finally manage to throww enough corpses at the problem to make somethin useful happen

CA: evven then it aint nevver gonna seem like enough

CA: okay

CA: that is WWhat Happens

GG: uh

GG: wow

CA: pfft yeah thats One Way of puttin it

CA: but fine ill Leave You Alone

CA: youll figure it out

CA: later

-- chronicAugustus [CA] ceased trolling gaianGearhead [GG]

*

Asshole! Where does he get off telling you what you can and cannot change?! Okay, fine. You guess that explains the body. You... you're gonna die when you change stuff a lot? FINE. You can deal with that. You can finally be as competent as everyone thinks you are. You can make your Bro proud of you. You can make things RIGHT. You don't believe him; there's nothing you couldn't change. If something really bad happens, even if it means you die...

...you can force the world to take it back.

And Nobody Understands

You went back. You went back so, so many times, so many of you. You watched them all appear beside you; screaming, sobbing, rifles raised. There was blood, and green fire, and many horrible sounds. More came. More died. You could only stand there and watch them be cut down. You raised your gun last... just as he fell, impaled by his own sword.

When the bullets were gone, you ran at the Demon, and you never stopped screaming as you swung your gun at him.

You were the last to die.

But then, much later, your past self found him among the ruins of flame and storm.

You hold his body by the monument to your failure, and prepare to go back.

But...

*

chronicAugustus [CA] began trolling gaianGearhead [GG]

CA: Jade

CA: Jade man its me Please Answwer

GG: leave me alone

GG: i have to go back

GG: i have to change this

CA: NO

CA: Jade hon Dont

CA: im Beggin you

CA: please

GG: why the fuck NOT?

GG: so you can make fun of my fuckup?

GG: and watch me cry like a stupid girl?

CA: you stop that fuckin talk Right Now

CA: i dont care what the others said i aint Nevver disrespectin you

GG: fuck you!

GG: fuck ALL of you!

GG: im not going to let him die! i can change this.

CA: Jade

GG: SHUT UP

GG: youre going to tell me i cant

GG: youre a fucking liar

CA: Jade

CA: Howw Many Times Havve You Died

GG: do you want an exact figure?

GG: should i get down and count?

CA: if you go back a thousand times

CA: is it gonna change anythin

GG: MAYBE IT WILL

CA: do you wwanna do that to him

GG: what do you mean

GG: who

CA: the one youre callin Bro

CA: wwho raised you

GG: dont you DARE call him that

CA: okay fine

CA: your Guardian then

CA: do you wwant him to see that

GG: what do you mean?

CA: hes givvin his Life tryin to keep that Demon down

CA: an the last thing he has to be Seein

CA: is you Dyin over an over an over

CA: i aint one to say

CA: but im thinkin he dont Deservve That

CA: an neither do You

-- gaianGearhead [GG] is now an idle chum! --

CA: oh god

CA: Jade hon its okay

CA: im Sorry

CA: its fine to Cry it aint wwrong

CA: please im tryin to be here for you i understand i swwear

CA: you dont have to keep doin this

CA: look, no more weird thing with my words, okay?

CA: im serious here.

GG: i want him back

GG: he cant die

GG: its not FAIR

GG: why cant i change it?

CA: Jade honey it isnt your fault

CA: you gotta stop right now and not blame yourself or youre gonna lose your mind

CA: please if you take ANYTHING i say seriously let it be that

CA: i dont know why you cant change it

CA: i swear i had to ask myself the same thing so many times

CA: and i still am

CA: but i had to accept i wasnt a god and i couldnt always make things right

CA: your friends are gonna need you

CA: if you become an obssessive constantly changing time and splitting lines off

CA: itll take its toll and just leave you useless

CA: and you cant afford that

GG: whats the point?

GG: all ive been told is that its hopless

GG: were all going to die

CA: i

CA: listen

CA: i dont think thats true

CA: maybe the others got hot under the collar and are saying that but that dont make it true no matter what the writing on the wall tells you

CA: Jade im not a friend and you got all rights to hate me

CA: but god PLEASE just hear me when i say i know that not everything can be changed

GG: he was always there for me

GG: and now i cant do anything for him

GG: im terrible eridan

GG: i cant change even this one thing

CA: dammit Jade you cant talk like this

CA: theres still plenty you can save and change and hes making this possible for you

GG: i guess i knew this would happen

CA: what? how?

GG: i remembered something from a long time ago

GG: when i was little i had a horrible dream

GG: or really i saw something in one of the clouds that scared me

GG: i saw him dead

GG: i woke up and couldnt stop crying

GG: and he woke up and held me and stayed with me until the morning

GG: i forgot it ever happened because i didnt want to believe it

GG: bro was too cool and too strong to ever have something bad happen to him

GG: and now

GG: hes dead and im scared

GG: i dont want to play this horrible game

GG: and i cant even go back without it killing me and everyone

CA: jade

GG: no

GG: im tired eridan

GG: and i dont want to die anymore

CA: i know

CA: i aint makin a demand but you should get back to your house and clean up

GG: and leave him here?

GG: i want to take his sword out

GG: but i cant

GG: i cant do that

GG: look at my scarf too

GG: he made it for me

GG: and now its all messy and ruined

CA: jade

GG: im gonna go to our house

GG: i want to be alone

CA: okay

GG: but if you want to message me

GG: then thats fine

-- chronicAugustus [CA] ceased trolling gaianGearhead [GG] --

You want to thank him, but you don't know if you'd mean it. You can't feel anything right now, nothing but a crushing, numbing weight on your whole body. You look at your scarf, soaked in his blood, and consider leaving it with him -- but you couldn't bear to. Instead, you wrap it around the base of your gun, and sit down next to him.

You take off his hat, and then your sunglasses, and hold him like he held you that night. Deja vu steals your breath away, as you finally become what you saw in the clouds all those years ago.

'Bonita hermanita', he called you. That night had been the only time in your life that you both met eyes without any dark barrier between them.

It hurts worst of all remembering what he had told you then, in the hours before dawn. You couldn't bear to admit it to Eridan, and being forced to remember now is the hardest thing you've ever done.

He told you as he held you, the man who was your brother, that it had just been a dream. But he said that one day, he would be gone.

 

He said he knew, though, without a hint of irony, you'd be strong enough to go on without him.

Red Dead Virtuoso

Your name is Jade Strider.

You're really tired of dying. Yes, dead-tired. So tired you're ready to take a permanent nap.

Things are going extremely wrong, as fast as they possibly can. Really, who would have thought Bec was going to prototype himself? Poor John. Who is your brother, it turns out, so that's cool. Or it was, anyways.

See, Bec prototyping turned everything pear-shaped. You never knew what that meant exactly, but you hate pears anyways so it works for you. Nevermind having to see your Bro...

No. You can't think about it again right now.

Listen, the point is that you have a plan. You and Egbert hatched it, after she got her poor face shanked by the Big Bad Wolf and turned all blue and swoopy. John is doing his best to buy you time while you enact the start of this plan, and Dave--

Uh. Well. He's kind of flipping the motherfuck out. That's okay! You'll get around to him. You promised. But right now you and Rose are up to your prescription sunglasses in irons that need to be shoved into the fire as fast as possible.

The session is doomed. So you need to 'fix' it. First step is figuring out if you can end up like Rose did, since that'll give you one Hell of an advantage in trying to pull your plan off.

*

So, okay! Right. You have to kill yourself. In cold blood. Haha, cold, blood, Land, cold and the bloody and... eeeeuuuhhh... yeah. Shouldn't be too hard. You're REALLY used to dying. Or seeing dead bodies.

*

Fuck. Fine, hold on. Your new gray pal of temporal thaumaturgy is sending you a message. He's the other one in on your big plan, panicky and prissy as he is. Not a bad guy overall you guess

*

OKAY SHEESH YER ANSWWERIN wait no you mean answering, goddamn

-- chronicAugustus [CA] began trolling gaianGearhead [GG] --

CA: Jade dont do this

GG: yo what up time lord

CA: come on Man dont be all Coy with me

CA: im Serious dont do wwhat youre about to do

GG: well what am i gonna do

GG: maybe im about to wake myself up and boot her over a bit for the space to take a nap of my own

CA: dammit Jade

CA: i told you about howw yer supposed to be reachin God Status

CA: much as i was hatin to do so you wwouldnt stop Buggin Me

CA: noww yer gonna go and Do It

CA: ?

GG: dude you are being sort of lame about this

GG: chill

CA: no damn wway am i gonna be Chill about This

CA: its too risky an Pointless

GG: eridan listen

GG: i need a little more kick than i got now if were gonna be pulling off the shenanigans we have planned

GG: besides my best girl did it

CA: that wwas Incidental and not Planned from wwhat i was bein told

GG: okay so tell me what has been planned so far

GG: see you cant do it

CA: hey quit it

CA: our Plan together wwas

GG: well sure but like i just said i need some fuel injected into this engine so we can rock this shit

CA: killin yerself Aint The Answwer

CA: please dont do it

GG: what do you have against dying exactly

GG: didnt you do it all the time like me?

CA: okay listen

CA: i found my Bodies all ovver

CA: but i wwas nevver dyin Myself

GG: why not though it seems like you guys had enough time to do it pretty peacefully

CA: i

CA: i aint sure Wwhy

CA: just could nevver bring myself to Do It

CA: scared i guess

GG: eri being scared is fine man but we got some serious shit going down

GG: enough people have died so i want to do what i can to make this right with you

GG: rose is counting on me

CA: wwhat about her

GG: who

CA: i meant Him damn

CA: Dave

CA: wwhats his Deal

GG: listen im gonna fix that ok

GG: i dunno what your treehugger pal told him or what hes been doing exactly besides flipping his shit and blowing up things and ignoring my messages

GG: but im gonna FIX him

GG: thats part of why i want to do this

CA: so

CA: you twwo Are pretty Tight then

GG: eridan

CA: nah hold it just No

CA: its fine

CA: i just dont think this is gonna Help Anythin if you kill yerself

CA: im just

CA: bein concerned for You

GG: i really do appreciate that ok

GG: but i gotta try to do this

GG: i want to make him proud of me

CA: jade wwhat the Hell are you Doin

GG: what?

CA: wwhat the HELL are you DOIN

GG: dude im standing her and freezing my balls off

CA: not you the other you

CA: HOLY SHIT

*

Oh. Welp. Uh.

Looks like your otherself made the decision FOR you. That blanket... under it she had a rifle. And while you were busy talking up Eridan and trying to calm him down, she woke up, stood up, and blew your brains out while you were on the bed, before she went and got gutted by Noir. That's just like you, really.

But there you go. It worked. Now you're all red and swoopy too... now you can start enacting your big plan to fix this whole mess and give you all some peace.

Either way, you know how it goes with these things.

*

WITCH: RISE

Doom [Fate]

*

Hey. Uh. Where is everyone? Didn't notice them leave; you've been dozing a little bit while talking to Egbert. God do you hate that asshole. But-- but she's turned out to be a great friend? Wow. The cognitive dissonance of that fact makes your fang ache, but it's true. You'd love nothing more than to tenderize her face with your fists before giving her a hug or something, you guess.

Anyways, no, really; where the Hell did everyone head off to? Eridan is still around on the other end of the room, looking shaken. Pity; his dreamself is dead, apparently. But Derse hasn't been attacked yet as far as anyone knows, so... no idea what's up with that. The humans are dealing with their little omnicidal crisis and have been awful quiet of late, too.

You guess you better head out and --

*

Oh for fuck's sake. What does she want? What is there POSSIBLY left to mock you about?

-- guillotineCatastrophe [GC] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

GC: k4n4y4

GC: 4r3 you th3r3

GA: Yes I Am Terezi And You Know What

GA: You Have One Line To Convince Me Not To Close The Window And Walk Away

GC: just w4nt3d to s4y goodby3

GA: What

GA: Is This A Prank

GA: Because If It Is I Have Suffered Far More Intelligent And Amusing Ones These Past Few Hours

GC: no 1ts not 4 pr4nk

GC: 1m go1ng to d13

GA: Die

GA: ?

GA: Wait No Stop It

GA: I Thought You Loathed Lying

GC: 1 n3v3r l13 k4n4y4

GC: th3yr3 com1ng to k1ll m3

GA: Who Is

GA: The Demon

GC: no

GC: youll f1nd out soon 3nough

GC: 1 told you w3 w3r3 doom3d

GA: As Usual You Make No Sense

GA: And For Once Ill Admit Youre Scaring Me Very Badly

GC: do3snt m4tt3r 4nymor3

GC: 4nd 4s much 4s 1 h4t3 you 1 gu3ss you w1n 4nyw4ys

GA: Do You Really Hate Me

GC: 4lw4ys h4v3! >8D

GA: But Why

GA: You Know Im Sorry I Hurt You

GA: Yet You Have Never Let Me Sincerely Try To Make It Up To You

GC: k4n4y4 your3 so stup1d 4nd n41v3 1t m4k3s m3 l4ugh

GC: 3v3ry t1m3 >8)

GC: but b3for3 you go 4nd st4rt scr34m1ng l1k3 4 pr3d1ct4bl3 l1ttl3 wr1ggl3r

GC: 1 told you b3for3 1 forg4v3 you for th4t 4nd n3v3r h4t3d you for 1t!

GC: 1 w4s doom3d to h4v3 th4t h4pp3n 4nyw4ys

GC: just l1k3 w3 w3r3 doom3d to d13

GA: Terezi

GC: y34h y34h

GC: '1 dont und3rst4nd'

GC: you n3v3r do!

GC: you dont und3rst4nd 4NYTH1NG k4n4y4

GC: you just w4llow 1n 1gnor4nc3 4nd s3lf lo4th1ng

GC: 1 h4t3 you b3c4us3 you g3t off 34SY

GC: vr1sk4 h4s 4lw4ys b33n th3r3 for you no m4tt3r wh4t stup1d or horr1bl3 th1ng youv3 don3

GC: sh3 just g1v3s 4nd g1v3s 4nd g1v3s for you 4nd you do noth1ng 1n r3turn but wh1n3 4nd b1tch 4nd cr4b

GC: 4nd youv3 n3v3r don3 4NYTH1NG

GC: but t4k3 4dv4nt4g3 of h3r

GC: th4ts why 1 h4t3 you

GC: so go 4h34d 4nd scr34m 4t m3

GA: Im At A Loss Of Words Here

GC: w3ll th4ts n3w >8D

GA: I Cant Believe This

GA: Youre

GA: Flushed For Her

GA: ?

GA: Or Jealous Of Me

GA: ??

GC: m4yb3

GC: m4yb3 1 just w1sh vr1sk4 h4d 3nd3d up w1th som3th1ng b3tt3r th4n you

GC: 4nd your3 too much of 4 cow4rd to 3v3n t3ll h3r how you f33l

GC: 4nd 4lw4ys w1ll b3 >8(

GA: That Is NONE Of Your Business

GC: oh shut up k4n4y4

GC: th1s 1s why you d1sgust m3

GC: but 1t do3snt m4tt3r 4nymor3 4nyw4ys!

GC: do you w4nt to know your doom?

GC: 1ts not to d13

GC: your3 doom3d to b3 4lon3 wh3n 1t 4ll 3nds k4n4y4

GC: you wont 3v3n g3t th3 pr1v1l3g3 of d34th

GA: TEREZI STOP

GA: STOP AND MAKE SENSE FOR ONCE

GC: t3ll k4rk4t 1 s41d goodby3 4nd 1ll s33 h1m 4g41n som3t1m3 >8D

GC: h3 w4s fun to h4ng w1th

GC: 4t l34st 1 c4n t4k3 pl34sur3 know1ng th4t vr1sk4 w1ll b3 fr33 of you soon

GA: Please Stop

GA: PLEASE

GC: th3yr3 h3r3 4lr34dy

GC: so m4ny d34d

GC: t1m3 for 4 n1c3 long n4p 1 gu3ss h3h3h3h3h3

GC: goodn1ght >8)

-- guillotineCatastrophe [GC] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA]

GA: Terezi

GA: TEREZI

Welp. You're thoroughly creeped out now! And emotionally jittered. What the Hell happened to her -- was that her sick idea of a prank? If it was she did fucking great. Was she really hurt? If so, by who, and WHY?

Wait. Fuck. Where did Eridan go?

Where the fuck IS everyone?

...you're alone. It's awful cold, and dead silent, save for the hum of the monitors. Nobody is online right now either. You've never seen that happen before.

You guess... you better head out, see what's up?

Yeah. Yeah, let's do that.

*

It'll help you ignore the feeling in the pit of your stomach that's telling you everything is going horribly wrong.

Most Just

*

For the first time in your life, you're at peace. Everything is going to be fine. You're going to do whatever it takes to save everyone; you have a plan. Justice will be served, and you'll all be delivered from the Hell that erroneously and deceptively calls itself a 'game'.

You've never been so calm. It all started when you

(Heard)

(A)

*

not too long into the game, as you fitfully slept in a garden of black flowers and iron leaves. For the first time in your life, you became aware of the dark sky and the violet moon.

Oh he had told you as you grew up, the coward, to never ever listen to their whispers. That they were much too dangerous and untrustworthy. You were disgusted you ever believed him.

So you climbed into the sky. As far as you could go, eyes never closing, even as they began to take shape before you, and spoke.

You never came back down after that, save to talk to Captor on occasion, once he awoke. You didn't like him. Still don't. But he kept you and Aradia from butchering one another. Sollux was on the other moon... the bright one that poisoned its dreamer's minds with false images of a nonexistant future.

So you and Captor talked, often. Left the other Derse dreamers to their own devices. The Empress apparently didn't like the sky either. It made you wonder what she ever did to deserve her lusus.

At the least, the violetblood shared a love of social justice, though in all the wrong ways. But lacking anyone else to talk about it with, you both collided on policy and belief and blood... and wore each other smooth, with time.

After the end of the game, the unjust and evil and tormenting game, you found the highest point of the Lab, staring out at condemned Derse, and fell asleep on the freezing metal, until you were aware you were staring back at the rockball that was to become your eventual tomb.

After going to the sky for a long time, you descended. You woke Captor, and told him your plan, how you were going to save everyone. He was hestitant at first, but you promised him that it would work, that the pact you had made would be honored in full if you held up your end.

But he was still unsure. You almost wanted to laugh; the great and bloody-minded Captor, made timid and reluctant at the thought of having to actually show bite instead of just bark!

Disgusted, you went ahead and began the ritual, and had him watch. It was simple, quick, and clean. Just a starter, and only on the dream-side. The other side would come once you knew for sure the pact was being fulfilled.

So, hands drenched in jade, you went back into the sky a final time as Captor watched.

When you awoke in the pile of top-hats provided by Tavros for everyone, the peaceful feeling came over you. Captor was also awake, and watching you nervously from his chair. You only smiled.

When Eridan woke later from a brief nap, pale and agitated, you felt justified. It was working. The others expressed confusion and fear at his story; the Demon had not yet destroyed Derse as far as any of them knew.

You couldn't explain it to them, not yet. They wouldn't understand until the ritual had been finished.

Well... one person understood. But he wasn't there with you. He was a human, named David. HE understood their whispers, and it was with frequent excitement you spoke to him, having found someone who really understood your sense of justice, desperation, and hatred of the game.

Either way, it had begun. One by one you would set them free, mercy done and judgment delivered, hopefully before the Demon found you. It would be a far better end for you all.

In a way... it reminded you of your youth. Alone and hidden in the silent trees, you would watch the smaller beasts. Often, you'd capture and kill them.

Not for any rush or excitement.

You did it because they just seemed so... sad and lost.

*

You didn't know what else to do.

The Last Red Mile

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CG: YOU KNOW, AT THIS POINT I'M STARTING TO THINK THIS ALL COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED, M8BE, JUST M8BE, IF YOU HAD NEVER GONE AND REVEALED YOUR STUPID BLOOD.

CG: I MEAN FINE, I GET WHY YOU DID IT; BECAUSE YOU A TREMENDOUS NOOK-SLAPPING ONE-LEGGED RETARDED WOOFBEAST WHO DERIVES INTENSE EROTIC STIMULATION FROM OBSESSING OVER HOW GROSSLY DEFORMED HER OWN SPAGHETTI-PLATE OF DNA IS.

CG: AND REALLY, WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED IT WOULD LEAD TO THE END OF ALL THAT WE KNEW AND HELD DEAR WITH H8, TRAPPING US WITH EACH OTHER IN A COLD METAL HELL OF OUR OWN DEVISING?

CG: OR THAT IT'D END WITH MY BEAUTIFUL BLUE ORGANS HANGING OUT OF ME LIKE FUCKING FESTIVE DECORATIONS ON 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE.

CG: I GUESS WHAT I'M ASKING IS IF YOU'RE OK.

CG: IT WOULD KINDA HELP TO SPEED UP MY SLOW AND PHOTOGENIC DEATH IF I KNEW YOU WERE.

CG: SERIOUSLY, I BELONG ON THE FRONT COVER OF SPADILLE MONTHLY.

CG: ........

CG: GOD DAMMIT YOU'RE DEAD, AREN'T YOU.

GA: Im Okay

CG: HOLY SHIT

CG: YOU'RE ALIVE

GA: Probably Not For Long

GA: And Youre Probably Right

GA: This Probably Is My Fault

GA: Equius Wasnt Wrong I Guess

GA: My Mutation Does Make Me Inexplicably Failure Prone

GA: Thus Dooming Us All

CG: OH FOR SWEET FUCK'S SAKE IT WAS A JOKE YOU HORRIBLE WOMAN

CG: WHATEVER DOOMED US ALL WAS FAR BEYOND OUR OWN PITIFUL CONTROL

GA: Where Are You

GA: I Need To Find Who Is Still Alive And Get Us Out Of Here Somehow

CG: DON'T BOTHER. DIDN'T YOU READ WHAT I SAID?

GA: That Isnt More Of Your Crass Mood Lightening Hyperbole

GA: ?

CG: WOULDN'T THAT BE PEACHY. NO, I AM NOT EXGAGER8ING WHEN I SAY THAT MY INNARDS MATCH MY SUIT. I LOOK LIKE I 8 TOO MANY OVERSIZED BLUEBERRIES AND DECIDED TO BIRTH THEM THROUGH MY STERNUM FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.

GA: Oh God

GA: No

GA: Who Did This To You

CG: OUR FRIEND MISS FLOWER POWER CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD AND TICKLED MY RIBS FOR A WHILE WITH THAT RIDICULOUS OVERSIZED FORK OF HERS.

GA: Feferi

GA: But Why Her

CG: SHIT, DOES IT EVEN MATTER? SHE WAS SPOUTING OFF SOME NONSENSE ABOUT HAVING TO SAVE US FROM ERASURE AND HER OUTRAGE AT INJUSTICE OR WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.

CG: WE'VE ALL SHAT OUR BRAINS OUT OF OUR MEALHOLES AND GONE RUNNING WILD, N8KED AND SCREAMING, INTO THE GR8T BLACKNESS OF OUR FINAL HOURS BEFORE WE'RE THROWN INTO THE BUBBLEBATH OF ETERNITY. THAT'S WHY.

GA: There Has To Be Something I Can Do

CG: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU DID THAT INSTEAD OF BUMBLING AROUND LIKE AN UNSUSPECTING TROUT W8TING TO BE SPEARED. I DON'T HAVE LONG AS IT IS.

GA: I Cant Just Leave You

CG: DON'T EVEN PRETEND, MARYAM. YES YOU CAN. THIS ISN'T SOME SHODDY HEARTWARMING FAREWELL, I AM ORDERING YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WHILE YOU STILL CAN, BEFORE YOU GET STABBED BY EITHER A CRAZED RADIOACTIVE WOOFBEAST OR AN EQUALLY-CRAZED HIPPY HAVING TROUBLE TELLING HER FRIENDS FROM A PLATE OF LETTUCE. I'VE TALKED YOU DOWN FROM STUPID STUFF ENOUGH TIMES, DO ME THIS ONE LAST FAVOR.

GA: Damn You I Dont Know What To Do Or Where To Go

CG: YEAH, WELL, I MEAN THIS AS KINDLY AS I CAN WHEN I SAY NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM.

CG: TRY TO FIND VRISKA, IF SHE'S STILL BREATHING.

GA: I Just Dont Understand Whats Going On

CG: SERIOUSLY WISH I COULD TELL YOU MORE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANYONE IS DOING. ONE MINUTE I'M CHATTING WITH THE HUMANS AND PLAYING 4-SQUARE, NEXT I'M WATCHING THEM DIE AND GO BERSERK, AND SUDDENLY I'M A FRESH BLUE FONDUE.

CG: NOW I'M TALKING TO YOU AND I'M STARTING TO HAVE A BASTARD OF A TIME KEEPING MY EYES OPEN.

GA: Karkat I Dont Want To Be Left Alone

GA: I Dont Want You To Die

CG: I KNOW

CG: I DONT WANT TO EITHER REALLY

CG: LOOK, I REALLY DONT THINK THERE'S ANYONE AT FAULT HERE

CG: YOU, ME, FEFERI, THE HUMANS, EVEN NOIR.

CG: I THINK WE JUST GOT DEALT A REALLY BAD HAND AND THERE'S NOT A DAMN THING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT.

CG: JUST GO FIND SERKET IF YOU CAN AND GET YOUR SORRY RED ASS OUT OF HERE, WOULD YOU?

GA: Karkat

GA: About Terezi

CG: YEAH NO I DON'T NEED TO HEAR A WORD YOU SAY ABOUT THAT.

GA: Why Not

CG: BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO LIE DOWN AND GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP. HOPE YOU MAKE IT OUT, MARYAM. IT'S BEEN REAL.

-- cunningGangewifre [CG] blocked gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

*

...and that's that. Maybe he wasn't quite your friend. Or in any quadrant with you, precisely. Maybe he just pitied you platonically, or felt it was proper for a highblood like him to act in such a commanding manner. Or maybe he was just concerned in some weird way. The humans would call you two siblings, if they had known how it was. Wouldn't have mattered to you either way. Karkat is dead. Vriska is nowhere to be found, online or in the Veil. Feferi is apparently the one out for everyone's blood, and she's still around somewhere.

Karkat told you to just drop it all and escape...

...but to where? It's like being on Alternia all over again. But there are no safehouses or friends to watch you anymore, and the world is much smaller.

Maybe you should try a different track, for once. You feel bad, ignoring his last wish. You want to find Vriska, but you'll be damned if that's going to happen cowering in a corner, before a dog-shaped living nuke or an ex-friend finds you. So, yeah.

You're going out there, to find Feferi.

We KINDA Fucked Up

*

Your name is Jade Strider.

Yeah. So. Check it. You're this cool dude, possibly the coolest dude there is, right? You've got the entire situation on ice-cold lockdown. Complete control, nothing escapes your prescription-sunglasses-enhanced sight. Got the 401, the lowdown, the full scenario. So let's look over what that is.

Ok, so, you're a God now, and it has done absolutely nothing to help except get you stabbed about 20,000 times. Right, ok, your main girl, Rose Egbert? Yeah, she's dead. Bloody heap. Most heroic of fucking deaths, to save your ass and the ass of this dude, Dave Lalonde, who is currently also bleeding out and has this new grimdark paintjob which he's lamenting pretty hard, since it seems watching his ecto-sister die for him shook him outta the suicidal nihilism frenzy he was banking so hard on.

Now he's with you, while your own brother is off doing his best to keep the big bad murderwolf from finding and filleting your red-riding-hooded face open again. All of this is so you got enough clockticks in order to coordinate with this hip cat on the other side of the omniverse, dude named Eridan.

So in review of this, your point is that it turns out you're not a cool dude with any sort of lockdown on the sitch', you're a shaking mess on the verge of a nervous breakdown, you hate this game and everything it's done to you and your friends, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about this except carry Dave with you into your Land while you talk with the aforementioned hip cat in order to find a way to make everything right again before you die on a permanent basis.

Hey, at least you got a stupid t-shirt out of the deal, right? That's how these things work. Free merchandise.

-- chronicAugustus [CA] began trolling gaianGearhead [GG] --

CA: hey

GG: hey

CA: so guess wwere gonna wwork this out an Do It

GG: i guess

CA: howw you doin

GG: pretty fucking terrible

CA: yeah same here

GG: whats happened with you since last time

CA: oh you Knoww

CA: evveryone is Dead or gone fuckin Psycho

CA: said psycho bein my ex Best Friend

CA: thinkin i coulda avverted this by not bein such a Fuckin Loser

CA: wwhat about you

GG: same old same old

GG: best girl is dead because of me

GG: best boy is all fucked up and bleeding out

GG: ecto bro is risking his life to buy me time

GG: other bro is dead and gone

GG: thinking itd be so cool to just fly up and away into the sun like a fucking piece of garbage

GG: but nah

GG: got shit to do

CA: yeah i Hear You there

CA: so i think i can manage gettin back to my Land

CA: or wwhats Left Of It

CA: know fer sure Its still floatin there intact

CA: you already at wwhere you Havve To Be

GG: yeah im already close

GG: i just gotta know if this is gonna work before i jump out into the open

CA: believve me man it WWill

CA: got it from authority i Trust

GG: well who

CA: psycho ex Best Friend the one you coined treehugger

GG: oh for fucks sake eridan are you serious

GG: how the hell is that suppose to reassure me

CA: listen im knowwin that sounds sorta Bad

CA: but she tapped into some vvoices that i Knoww are speakin truth

CA: evven if theyre speakin it pretty Darkly

GG: great let me guess

GG: your girl was hearing the same bullshit my boy is

CA: you mean the Davve human

GG: yes the fucking dave human

GG: what else is he gonna be a squid

CA: ok wwoww sorry i meant davve

GG: fine sorry im just on edge right now

GG: can you believe im missing my 4 o' clock pizza and soda binge for this bullshit

CA: hahaha

GG: hey you know what the worst part about time travel is

CA: yeah i do since im from the future wwhere you already told me what the wworst part is and noww i came back to ensure you ask me that joke to make a stable fuckin timeloop so my head doesnt pop like a ripe zombie skull being fed a lead lunch at 4000 feet a second

GG: hah

GG: ok see we got temporal humor down pat

CA: yeah guess wwe do

CA: wwish i hadnt been such a wworm about the wwhole Time Travel Thing

GG: yeah i sucked asswater at it too

CA: yeah but at least you wwere tryin to do it Right and respectin yer friends

CA: i just treated it the same wway i wwas livvin my wworthless life in that Towwer

CA: lookin dowwn on evveryone like it wwas makin me Special

CA: that wworked out just damn Great

CA: isolatin myself from evveryone an evverythin i was carin about

CA: made an ass of myself tryin to be this damn sorry Knoww It All

GG: eridan

CA: yeah yeah it aint Time no more for feelins an problems

CA: i just

CA: wwant this to wwork out in the next go

GG: shit im sure it will

GG: just remember your cool cat lessons itll work out fine

CA: you gonna be ok

GG: no not really

GG: but what am i gonna do

GG: may as well truck on and get this over with

GG: try to make it up to bro

GG: plus dave is still here i gotta look good for mister dark knight

GG: totally show him up be all witch of time more like bitch of time

GG: NOW what you gonna do lancelot

CA: so im takin it yer pretty Pissed Off at him

GG: itd be nice but i cant blame the dude for flipping his table

GG: or like watching his sister die to save his bacon

GG: i kinda just want to pretend im mad to deal with the looming bullshit

CA: yeah i can understand

CA: just wasnt thinkin it wwas gonna end this wway but for Some Reason i aint surprised

GG: yeah me either you know

GG: it doesnt seem like it coulda gone any other way in retrospect

GG: no idea why i feel that way its pretty dumb

CA: dont wworry

CA: its gonna wwork out after wwe do this

CA: evven if it had to all end bad and bloody

GG: yeah

GG: next time

GG: itll all go right

CA: yer the one with the Hood on man

CA: so you givve me the WWord and wwe can start the showw

GG: well

GG: i guess go for it now then

GG: get to your land and we can get this shit over with

CA: ok

CA: so uh

GG: yeah

GG: guess this is it

CA: yeah

GG: see you later movie star

-- chronicAugustus [CA] ceased trolling gaianGearhead [GG] --

Treehugging lunatic who was feeding all that bad shit into Dave's head has lost her cookies and decided to start killing them all. Not much you can do about that, save hope Eridan has sense enough to get out of there soon.

And away you both go. Not much point in delay. You'll pick up Dave here, hike your hooded ass over to a good hiding place nearby, and wait for Eridan to send you the OK message. Start it together in tandem. You can do this. You can make this happen. You'll make Bro proud, do right by Rose, no matter how bad it gets.

You're gonna make this right.

Complementry

Ok. Ok. So, yeah. Now you're in a panic. Dead. They're all fucking DEAD. Not just Karkat. Terezi for sure, you found the corpse, sans head. Gamzee, Nepeta, Equius; found those poor bastards in the aftermath of what must have been one hell of a rumble, was no surprise to see Sollux (or was it Captor?) dead against the wall, plugged full of arrows. Aradia all broken up at the bottom of some stairs in a dark hallway nearby. No sign of Eridan, you sent him a panicked message. Vriska still not online or anywhere to be found. Poor Tavros was dead too, drowned in a tub of sopor. Somehow things went from bad to worse to balls-to-the-wall full on fucking NATTERS behind your back.

So here you are now, cold and alone, crouched under a harsh fluorescent light in some sterile metal room, waiting for the shadows to form a face that will tear your horns off. Actually you wish they'd do that, since the real issue is that 20 seconds ago you got a message from the one person still online.

*

You take a deep breath, and respond.

-- coppiceCultivator [CC] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

CC: Kanaya, hey.

GA: Feferi

CC: Hey, there you are! I was wondering if you were going to respond. :)

GA: Ok No Im Not Doing This

GA: I Know Youve Been Murdering Us Feferi

CC: W-Σll duh.

CC: ...Kanaya? You still there?

GA: Yes I Am

GA: Im Just In Shock That You Are Nonchalantly Admitting To It

CC: OK, fine! I'll blame it on Jack if it'll make you feel better? But come on. I'm not even murdering, I'm FR-Σ-ΣING us all.

GA: What The Fuck

GA: Youre Out Of Your Goddamn Nook

CC: Kanaya, no.

CC: Look, I'm not going to put up with this right now. I've done you a lot favors, done right by you as best I can. So just relax and listen to me. I know you're going to repeat "I Dont Understand" over and over and over and it doesn't matter that you do. Just listen to me.

GA: Fine

CC: Do you know what anger is, Kanaya?

GA: What Do You Mean By That

CC: I mean, do you really get what it means to be λNGRY?

GA: If You Are Implying I Have An Anger Problem Then Yes I Do

GA: And I Think It Is Damn Well Justified Now As It Was Then

CC: Yeah, see?

CC: For the longest time I asked myself, why am I the Maid of Rage? What kind of insult is that?

CC: Everyone joked it should have been you! Miss apoplexy. :)

GA: If Youre Trying To Piss Me Off Feferi I Will Be Honest As Ever

GA: Im Too Scared And Upset To Fly Off The Handle Just Yet

CC: Kanaya, I don't WλNT you to, silly! Just be patient for once in your sorry life and listen.

CC: Thing is, you're angry, and have plenty of reason to be. But really, you just have a big mass of unfocused and mostly useless hate!

CC: What have you done with it? Hurt a lot of people, including yourself, and made your poor self a bloody mess.

GA: As I Sit Here Shaking

GA: Staring At All These Bodies

GA: I Ask

GA: Whats Your Point

CC: The point is that you didn't have the right kind of rage. I did. They knew.

CC: You know why I'm doing this? Indignation at the trap we were put in. At the things I've been told by entities that, really, have no reason to care about us or our fate. Which is why I made a deal with them.

GA: Who

CC: Doesn't matter! They know what's going on. They let me know why this is happening, and what I can do to secure us safety.

GA: YOU CALL KILLING US SAFETY

CC: Compared to what Eridan is going to do? To what will happen if the Demon finds us? Yes, I do.

GA: I Was Right You Have LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND

CC: If you want to think that, sure!

CC: I'm doing what I was told I need to do, so we'll be safe.

CC: Yeah; you don't understand! It's fine, because nobody but me COULD. Maybe Eridan would if he wasn't such a self-centered parasitic thorn bush. He's too caught up trying to play mastermind hero so he'll feel better about how awful he's been.

CC: Look. It's hard to get this across right, Kanaya. Let me say it in a way that might make sense to you. Look at yourself. You have bright red blood, right? It seems unique, out of place, not right when you stand next to all of us.

GA: Oh Now You Want To Bring That Into This

CC: Yup! I do. You're the hero of Blood, aren't you? Hear me out.

CC: You're one of a kind, far as any of us know. Once you're gone, that's it. No more of you left. Unlike us; there were BILLIONS of tealbloods like me before! You stand out as something different and weird compared to the rest of the spectrum. An anomaly. Odd tree out in the rainbow orchard!

CC: Turns out... we're kind of like that. Our entire existence. The whole shebang! It was never meant to BΣ this way. All out alternate timelines just... die, when they end. No bubbles for the dead there.

GA: Im Still Not Following Save For Understanding Youve Lost It

CC: Oh come on, Kanaya! You're not THλT dumb. You know there's other timelines, lots of them! What I'm saying is that there are none like us. Maybe there are ones that are sort of similar, but they're in the same boat. Just one branch, with a dead end! Eridan has got it all wrong, what he's doing. It's not going to help a darn thing. We were never meant to exist to begin with.

GA: How Does Any Of This Affect You Murdering Us

CC: Because, that was the D-ΣEAL I made!

CC: In return for taking your lives, we'll have a place secured in the bubbles! Unlike every other alternate that was wiped out, WΣ get to live on! Justice will be served. But only if you give your life before it all gets erased! Please make it easy on me, Kanaya? I don't like hurting any of you. I don't want a struggle.

GA: Even If You Made Sense Feferi Id Still Say Youve Gone Off The Deep End

CC: And I'd say you're just stubborn and scared as an animal, Kanaya.

GA: I Swear I Will Hunt You Down And Kill You Myself If I Have To

CC: Okay, so you do, and then what? Left all alone waiting to die or be wiped out? Is that what you want after everything we've been through?

GA: IF YOURE SO EAGER TO KILL US ALL THEN WHY SHOULD I MAKE IT EASY ON YOU

CC: Fine. I know. Habit is kicking in. Someone hunts you, you start going on the defensive, like you always have. I can't blame that. I can blame you for a lot of things, but not that.

GA: What CAN You Blame On Me

CC: Lots. I mean, it's hard to blame you for all of it, but you've been awful selfish over the years. You could have made it up to us and to yourself with this evil game, but you didn't, really. Sometimes... I just wish you'd have stayed in the forest with me. You could have been perfectly safe there. I would have cared for you, but you always turned me down. I don't know what you were trying to accomplish with your endless wandering or fights.

CC: Maybe you LIK-ΣD all the violence.

GA: Thats Not True At All

CC: It doesn't matter. So many things just don't matter anymore, Kanaya.

CC: Look, I guess we should be honest as apples about it. I intend to find you and free you, and you intend to do the same to me. So go ahead. Let's make a gλme of it. Just like you used to have to play. I promise I'll be quick and clean about it if you are, all right?

GA: Why Does It Have To Be Like This Feferi

CC: I don't know, Kanaya. I think this whole system is just unfair and flawed, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to give us a future, even if it's in death.

CC: I'm waiting for you.

That... didn't go quite as you expected. You were ready for screaming anger and psychosis, not something so cold and seemingly reasonable. But maybe, that's because you've always given screaming anger as a response yourself. Like a reflex to everything, a habit so deeply ingrained it may as well be a disease.

Or a mutation.

What did she mean exactly about the dream bubbles? You know so little about them as it is, and it's so hard to make sense of things right now. You don't know what Eridan is up to, either. You should probably find out, in the few minutes you have left before you have to deal with Feferi. You hope Vriska is on at some point... you just can't accept the idea that she's dead. She CAN'T be, anyways. She's a God now.

Like she deserves to be for putting up with your bullshit.

Deicide

Welp. You guess that's that then. Time to go!!

...um. Ok, so you're actually having a serious amount of trouble trying to be casual and resigned about this. You're scared. You're really scared.

But you have to do this.

It's all coming to a head. You never thought it'd end up like this, but, it did. Not a lot you can do to change it now, save to buy everyone time so they can escape. Of course, they don't know you're heading out of the Veil. But you know they would never be able to make it without someone to keep the Demon occupied. The pulse of Life is screaming for you to do something, anything to keep them safe.

God damn you're terrified of going out there. But not quite as scared as you are of the idea they'll all die and be unable to enact the plan. So you're gonna do this, you guess. You're going to fight a God.

You're not coming back.

You... decided to ditch the divine duds for now. You like them, but you don't really feel like you deserve them anymore. Your old overshirt is ruined too, so you shucked that off. Plain sshirt and grubby jeanss for everyone, yaaaay.

*

You put on something else with those, though. You've had it since you were a grub; Tinkerbull found you wrapped in its tattered red folds. Its scent and feel has always comforted you, and it even gave you an idea to make a skirt for Kanaya one time as a gift, before the whole blood thing... she liked it so much she refused not to use it, even after it got all raggy!

...that meant a lot to you.

So you wear it now like a little cape, unsure of how else to adorn yourself with it. It makes you feel a bit better. Just a bit less scared.

Damn it, you can't stop shaking. You pray you survive long enough for them to figure a way out. It's just frustrating; you're still way more raggy farm girl than holy knight of protection. Why couldn't you have been more competent and confident? You wish you had your dice.

All you have left is a sword. You created it yourself. Well... okay, you actually withdrew it from a very strange gravestone that had YOUR name on it. But it was huge! Way too heavy!! You may be super stupid strong, but it was just too hard to swing. So you made it smaller with your alchemitor. It's still as big as you and dense as Hell.

Whatever. What's important is that you're armed, however poorly, to fight this guy. One last stand. A final chance to protect life. Maybe that was the silver lining; a chance to let it all be fixed, for a better roll. And really, this was your actual destiny as a Knight. It's the fate of any paladin, in the end.

To die.

You better get going. Before the others find out. Before Kanaya does. But you gotta let her know all the same; even though you two have drifted apart, you still...

*

-- aurochsGore [AG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

AG: Hey.

AG: I don't know if you'll get thiss. If you ever do. That'ss okay.

AG: Sso, I think I'm gonna go do ssomething sstupid. REALLY sstupid. I dunno how long we have to live before we figure out a way to esscape, becausse the Demon iss gonna find uss ssooner or later.

AG: Ssssssssoooo... I'm gonna go make ssure he doessn't sstab uss all sstupid and dead. I mean you, and the otherss. Pretty ssure I'll be sstabbed. But ssince I'm a God, maybe that meanss I can take more sstabss!! Pluss ssince I can commune with sstuff, and he'ss part woofbeasst, maybe I can make him sstab me sslower?? Or ssomething??

AG: Okay sso thiss iss ssounding dumb. I want you to esscape, okay?? Make ssure they get out. That YOU get out. That'ss all. I promisse I'll make up for fucking up sso bad and letting everything go crazy.

AG: Thiss really ssuckss, doessn't it?? We all got a really bad break!! Wissh I had ass much luck ass Tavross did. Maybe it would have made a difference. I dunno.

AG: Ssorry again for everything. I'm really really gonna missss you, Kanaya. I hope everything workss out. You were my besst friend.

AG: Heh. It'ss a good thing I'm not there. I'd be sstuttering sso bad I wouldn't be able to get passt "Hey"! }:)

AG: But uh...

AG: I'm not sso good at thiss. Not ssure how you do it. But.

AG: Goodbye.

-- aurochsGore [AG] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

*

. . .

-- aurochsGore [AG] began trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

AG: <3

-- aurochsGore [AG] ceased trolling gloomyApoplectic [GA] --

Ouroborous

*

This is it.

The hour has come. There's nothing left you can do... no way to take it all back, to make right what has gone wrong.

You walk away from Karkat's body, and hold back the urge to cry out loud, to beg for forgiveness. There's nothing to apologize for anymore, really. It's done.

They'll start it soon; Eridan and Jade... you feel so sorry for them. You told Rose, before she died, that you were also sorry for all you've done. That you never ever meant for it to end this way.

She told you that it was okay. That maybe after everything had changed, it'd be better for you two. You pray to God that's true. You knew her for such a short time, but she was a good friend, regardless of all that had happened.

...

Vriska.

You can't help but think of her now. She asked you to forgive her for not being a better person, before she left to face the Demon, so you could have time to escape. Much good it's done. And that final message... it broke what was left of your heart.

Is this really right? Giving it all up?

You can't answer that now. You already agreed to the plan, and you've never had the strength to argue the more deeply philosophical. Really though, you're just... tired.

It's fine. An aberration like you was never meant to exist anyways, right? Better to wipe the slate clean, make it all right.

Please let it be right.

...it's happening.

You can feel it in your soul; there's no stopping it now. You go back over to Karkat to hold his hand as you watch the brightening sky of the Medium, and think back on your life and everything you did. You want to feel something more than sorrow, but... you can't.

So it comes to pass. You give your irrefutable consent to the end.

The dually-initiated Scratch has begun.

Already you feel the world going gray as temporal powers beyond imagination rip it apart, demolish it, reduce it to the atomic level to be rebuilt for another chance. For all of you.

As you listen to the scream of the universe in the Great Undoing, you try to let go of your regrets. It's very hard to do, but somehow, you manage.

 

 The only one you can't leave behind...

 

 

 Is you just wish...

 

 

 ...you had told Vriska that you---- - - -    -        -                          -

 

 

*

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM.

You are one of the few of your kind who can withstand the BLISTERING ALTERNIAN SUN, and perhaps the only who enjoys the feel of its rays. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who...



...you...

*

...you feel so terribly sad all of a sudden. You're not sure why.

Ignoring introductions, you take a moment to look out the window and let your head clear. What were you thinking about just now? You can't recall. Oh, whatever. This is a busy day! The time draws near for you and 11 other friends to start playing a game.

But first you... just need a second.

You know what you'll do. You'll pester Karkat and see how he's doing, then maybe go out to do some landscaping; you already got work clothes on anyways, including your favorite red skirt.

Karkat's one of your friends, and you like him. Even if he's so ornery, all the time! But you know he means well. He's very touchy about keeping his blood color secret, though, always typing in gray text. But that's fine.

You've always respected that desire for anonymity.

*


THE END

Fan Art

*

by Fauxmonstur

*

by koshou

* *
* *

by bucketmouse

*

by media-rama

*

by Sihira-Hedgehog

*

by yubishines

A Totally Canon And Very Special Update

*

Wait, hold it, pause.

Hey, Kanaya.

*

Listen, stop with the incessant crying. You've got a problem.

Turns out the ending isn't so great. Sales are being affected by how much customers dislike it. We had to cancel your DLC to address the issue.

*

Just relax already you hyperactive overgrown murder-cherry. We've got just the solution to the issue.

Check this shit out:

*

COLOR. CODED. ENDINGS.

Eh? Eh?? Pretty great idea, right?

*

How dare you! Rolling your eyes, you ungrateful swine. Look, let's just pick another ending. We'll say the one where you all die and get erased from existence as a dead-end timeline is the Red choice. So we'll go with the Green choice this time. Now instead of being erased yo--

*

Holy shit. This doesn't even make sense. Ok, nevermind. Let's try the Blue ending. That's a soothing color that never has anything bad associated with it.

*

Sweet Christ on toast. No, this is the opposite of what was supposed to happen. Fuck. Fine.

Here's your choice then. Either go back again with the Red ending, OR, you could take what's inside of the...

*

~~~ MYSTERY BOX ~~~

Dare you. Double dog da-
wow. Never seen someone tear open a box so quickly. Okay then! HERE'S YOUR PRIZE AND NEW ENDING:

*

Enjoy, crabmuffin. We'll even throw in some free dental work. Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Easter.

*