>Chirp like a dolphin and vomit on the deck.

>>1821
Oh come on you are an experienced seaman. You aren't going to flip out and vomit like an accountant on a cruise ship!

>>1823
Oops.

>Look for Squiddles.

>Look for squiddles

Right now you are too busy looking for your lost breakfast. Man, an all jelly bean and white russian diet is hard on the stomach.

>Return to port for supplies before you get scurvy.

>>1860
But yeah, you really should look for those Squiddles so you can make them into gold or eat them or something. You can't quite remember what Squiddles are used for. Ah, you can look it up on Wikipedia later.

>>1861
You aren't going to get scurvy! Jelly beans count as fruit, don't they? Besides, you got vitamins.

>Skipper: Examine fetch modus.

>>1863
Check the bottle to see where the pharmacy that prescribed them is located.

>>1872
>Pharmacy: be located in Reed, Kansas

>>1870
>>1872
Luckily, your fetch modus works the same way your "vitamins" do. You have to get a prescription from DR. FEELNUMB. His office is conviently located in 1974 New York, next to the DOLLAR STORE THAT IS OBVIOUSLY A MAFIA FRONT. The doctor is indisposed at the moment, but that doesn't matter because there isn't anything you want from your inventory right now.

Now, to find the Squiddles, first you must find your NAVIGATOR. If only you could remember the guy's name. You do remember he wanted to be in the Marines though.

>Call NAVIGATOR by name

>Painis Cupcake

>See Man

>>1922
>Dicks Oak

>Ears O'Cannal

>>1922
>Bucky Skylleterressin.

him name is PAINIS CUPCAKE

>PC: Take that ship model off your head.

Your name is PAINIS CUPCAKE. As a child you wanted to join the US Marine Corp so you could fight chess pieces and carry a cool sword and go rock climbing. Unfortunately, you are color blind. Instead, you joined the crew of the CATCHYEGRABBER as their NAVIGATOR.

Though you are PAINFULLY EARNEST and RATHER SIMPLE, you are not A COMPLETE IDIOT. You work daily with high-tech equipment that would BLOW MOST PEOPLE'S MINDS. Finding the elusive Squiddles is hard work. You don't feel your boss appreciates that, but you are too nice to say anything.

Speaking of your boss, you think you hear him calling. What do you do?

>>1974
and no, I didn't actually follow this command.

PC: Open chest. And then open that yellow box.

>>1976

holy shit you actually took my naming suggestion

uhhhh

>Be useful.

>>1984
oh my....oh my dear.

Well, if Ed Wood can wear womens' underwear while being in the Marines, you can wear womens' underwear while not being in the Marines.

Your boss is still calling you.

>PC: Be useful.

>>2005
>>2020
After cleaning up, you run to the deck and give the sergeant...you mean skippper a smart salute. He doesn't give a fig. He orders you to go to the bridge and use the navigation whatcha-ma-callit.

(>PC: Be drawn in a more consistent manner)

>PC: Play for the Skipper the song of your people.

>>2039
You go to the bridge.
>>

>>2047
(animated)
>>

>>2048
(animated)
Told you it would blow your mind.

Okay, it isn't that complicated. You only need a Masters in Mathematics to use it.

(From now on, >> will mean shut up and wait. Sorry about that.)

>Skipper: Need a drink.

>>2071
You are not the skipper so you don't need a drink, alcoholic or otherwise.

>PC: Be Painis Cupcake. Threaten to eat someone.

>>2074
You threaten to eat SQUIDDLES!
>>

>>2082
You then remember that Squiddles are used as a homeopathic anti-psychotic, not as food.

>Be a different crew member for a brief moment

>>2103
>>

>>2123
Your name is

>>2127
Okay, during that brief time you got a lot of work done.
>>

>>2128
You found some Squiddles!

>>

>>2130
But you suddenly remember that you're colorblind!

>>2131
The "artist" grows disappointed by the lack of commands. How's she suppose to railroad this adventure if no one takes the train?

>Pump loud music into the sea so the Squiddles can't sleep.

>Painis: Don't look. SM3LL.

You remember that the navigation technology has a program that converts the different colors into sound, and you use your superb hearing to interpret this sound as images.

Of course, given that the technology exists to overcome color-blindness, why couldn't you join the Marines? Maybe it was another reason.

(sorry 2231, I made this before your command)

>>

>>2215
Thinking about this made you think of a great idea you've been wanting to try. You're going to pump loud music into the sea to try and get the Squiddles.

You choose the hit soundtrack to the bust movie Xanadu. Not because you think it sucks, mind you. In fact you are a huge fan of Olivia Newton-John. That sweet Australian singer-actress rollerblades her way into your heart. You just love that girl!

It's a shame the Marines discriminates against your kind. And by your kind you mean Olivia John-Newton fans.
>>

[youtube] >>2233
You play the album.

>They're the children of freedom. Drop some depth charges and raze a sand castle village to the seabed.

>Be the guy in the old timey diver's suit.

>>2237
You'll just lay down some heavy fire on these SOB with your FH, conduct some CQC with any holdouts, and after some reconnaissance you'll go for some R&R to the PX for the USO show staring ONJ.

>>2255
YOU'RE NOT IN THE MARINES, GOMER!
The CATCHYEGRABBER has no depth charges!
>>

>Painis: Fire exactly one torpedo.

>Catchyegrabber: Activate submarine mode.

>>2260
Is that something sexual?
>>

>>2268
No time to ponder that, your plan worked! Look at all those Squiddles!
>>

>>2269
(animated)

a place
where nobody dared to go

>>2270

>PC: OH MY GOD.

>>2271
(animated)
You are a...

>>2304
(animated)
pfff like who cares

>>2305
Painis: Use Thetan telepathy to alert the Skipper

>>2308
You use your THETAN TELEPATHY that you've always had all this time to contact the SKIPPER.
>>

>>2312
Unfortunately, the SKIPPER clouds his mind with THE EVILS OF PSYCHIATRY. You get a nosebleed, because that's what happens to psychics in all the movies.
>>

>>2316
(animated)
And then you vomit, which makes much more sense. Seems you'll have to do things the old-fashioned way.

>>2316
(ugh one of these days I'm going to stop mixing up hand)

>Be the Skipper. Sing a sea shanty.

>>2337
You are now the...

>>2346
Where is the SKIPPER?
>>

>You are the Skipper, its you

>Skipper: put on some colorful robes and lead a gang of surly green thugs

>>2347
Where's the SKIPPER?
>>

>>2362
Where's the SKIPPER
>>

>>2363
Where's the SKIPPER?
Where's the SKIPPER??
>>

>>2364
WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS THE FUCKING SKIPPER?



(end Part 1 of Lady Mary Heartskill's Squiddles!)
>>

>>2365
>>Be rendered in a more symbolic fashion.

Your name is LADY MARY HEARTSKILL. You were given birth forty two years ago by a SCION OF THE RUTHERIAN...oh, no one buys that anymore. You were born to a COVENTRY MILKMAN AND HIS WIFE. You have always been very imaginative girl and like to LIE LIKE A RUG about your origins. You even tell people you are older than you are.

You worked to become a SCIENTIFIC ILLUSTRATOR until you realized how boring that was, and now you are WORLD FAMOUS CARTOONIST. Your first big hit was MANTHROCHAPS and you are now trying to work on your next big thing.

You cultivate AN ECCENTRIC PERSONA. Along with pretending to be AN ARISTOCRAT, you have a great interest in BRITISH HISTORY, especially the INTERWAR YEARS and the REGENCY. You think those were the better days. You have a great interest in ART but HATE EVERYTHING AFTER 1945, INCLUDING POP ART. You are RACIST AND ANTI-SEMITIC, but in such a weird and gentle way that your friends look like a BENETTON AD.
>>

>>2400
You are on a YACHT two days away from Auckland, New Zealand. You took this birthday trip in the hopes of breaking your CREATIVE BLOCK. You are RICH, due to you being an aforementioned WORLD FAMOUS CARTOONIST career annnnnd because your ex-husband was WELL-ENDOWED.

The trip is not going good. The SEA is DEAD. Your SKIPPER is MISSING.
>>

>>2401
And there is a MYSTERIOUS DOG in front of you.

What will you do?

>Throw self overboard in a fit of pique.

By the way today is SEPTEMBER 11








...1997.

I actually meant to post this earlier but I forgot and then it looked better this way

>Make him <strike>a member of the Midnight Crew</strike> the first mate. Give him a cute name like Halley or Mr. Fluffles.

>>2451
You cannot live in a world that would torment an artist such as yourself with such horrendous doldrums, so you must cast yourself into the sea, like a 20th Century Ophelia, so that Neptune might take you into his loving bosom!
>>

>>2470
The damn door's stuck.
>>

>>2461
Since you're stuck with this DOG, you might as well name it something BRITISH-Y AND ECCENTRIC.

>Bollocks

>Snoop

>Piker

>>2493
You name the hellbeast PIKER because it is an offensive term for Irish Travelers and Roma.

Oh God, the dog just barked and it sounded like a flash of lighting on a clear blue day and you don't know how it's possible for something to sound like that.

>Give Piker a belly rub.

>>2514
(animated)
oh god oh god oh god oh god
>>

>>2522
(animated)
It feels like fresh snow on Christmas Day and you don't know how that's possible

If I had know about Palatinate purple earlier I would have made her from Durham

>Piker: Be a good dog. Be a best friend.

>Piker: help your new friend get to the bottom of the sea

>>2525
Using your doggy senses you realize the human is unhappy with her present location.
>>

>>2526
(animated)
>>

>>2532
Maybe you should teleport her some place else.

Seriously, she isn't Nepeta. Don't try and kill her off.

>>2533

>No! Bad dog.

Wasn't trying to :[

>>2534
I just wanted to lay down some ground rules and I saw the opportunity to make a MGS reference.

>>2532
Okay, let's try that again.

>>2553
Where are we now?

What will HEARTSKILL do now?

>>2554
Check to see if there are any other inhabitants on this island. Perhaps maybe a badass grandfather and his sweet granddaughter/paradox daughter?

>>2554
Find racial minorities to feel superior to.

Yes, first things first to...
(animated)

>>

>>2558
Well let's see you hold down your tomato and beans after suddenly teleporting hundreds of kilometers.

>>

>>2555
(animated)
You survey the island. Wow. It is beautiful. If it wasn't for the vomiting you'd think this was a dream.
>>

>>2571
In the distance you see an elderly gentleman.
>>

>>2573
Elderly? Old people = sherry! You have a PRESSING NEED FOR A GLASS OF SHERRY!

Seriously, it's in your SYLLADEX, not that anyone asked.

>Mary: Slip on a candycorn shrimp and fall.

>Did you bring enough to share? Nobody can call you an alcoholic if you drink socially!

>>2576
Honorable mention for next command goes to anon for
>Did you bring enough to share? Nobody can call you an alcoholic if you drink socially!
which is cute but doesn't really make that much sense in context.

>>2598
Anyway...

>>2575
What is a candy corn shrimp and why would you ever...
>>

>>2600
(animated)
...oh bloody hell!

>Find the thing you slipped on and promply eat it.

In unrelated news, Don't Ask Don't Tell has been repealed.


hurray!

>>2606
You cannot see any candy corn shrimp! Which may be a moot point given that you're looking at the sky and you don't expect to see candy corn shrimp...actually you never expect to see candy corn shrimp.

Oww, your back hurts.

>Piker: Use devilbeast powers to get Mary to Grandpa.

>>2665
No need to change characters, he's here!

>>2670
...and armed!

Damn, must be an American.

>Mary: Angrily explain situaion to that dense American.

>no talk, hands in the air! quick!

>Surrender to this dashing adventurer.

>Grandpa: "SnooPING AS usual, I see?"

You check your STRIFE DECK. Your STRIFE SPECIBUS is WHINGKIND and you are currently equipped with SARCASTIC COMPLAINING. Not very useful in a...well it did get you out of a mugging once.
>>

>>2713
>>2714
You cannot AGGRESS or ABSOUND, so you swallow your pride and ABDICATE.
>>

>>
(animated)
the sound of thunder...

(end of part 2 of Lady Mary Heartskill's Squiddles!)
>>

>>2775
You don't know what you were trying to accomplish here.

>Lord Plumbthroat: Check to make sure no sea unicorns have punctured the hull.

>Painis: Ensure that you recorded that preceding shenanigans so as the profit off of it through an interweb pr0n site.

>>2824
You are not a Lord and the idea of just giving yourself a title of peerage strikes you as silly and rather sad.
>>

>>2834
Anyway, you check the sea. Gee whiz you hope there aren't any sea unicorns.
>>

>>2835
Oh no sea unicorns!

And what's with the art change? Is this a different studio or something? Not a better one though.

>Pumbthroat: Punch Sea Unicorn in the face to establish superiority.

>Plumbthroat: curse the squiddles for sending a friend of the sea, then grab your Time Harpoon and get ready to aggress

>Plumbthroat: Have the guy in the old-timey diver's suit get rid of the unicorns.
There was a guy in an old-timey diver's suit in the Squiddles flash, wasn't there?

>>2838
You never stop cursing the squiddles but you do stop wearing that ridiculous green coat. You ready your TIME HARPOON...
>>

>>2843
>>1921
Remember your fetch modus? That didn't stop being a thing!
>>

>>2848
The "artist" notes how close this mirrors her own situation.

actually does strife bypass the fetch modus?

>>2849
Yeah, it does. Items can be added and removed from the strife specibus at will, so long as there's enough cards in it to hold them and so long as the items match the specibus' allocation. To paraphrase John, it is one of the few inventory bits that are not a federal fucking issue.

>Painis: Tell us why you couldn't find the Skipper before!

>>2850
fffffuck knew it

>Painis: Be a camwhore for fun and profit.
>Plumpthroat: Stab that shit. Or better yet, get one of your underlings to do it.
>Billy the Bellsuit Diver (was that his name?): Watch from a safe distance.

>>2867
However the heck your strife deck works, you know this: you aren't paying yourself enough to deal with this. Time to find another crew member. Preferably one who isn't busy trying to gain YouTube fame.
>>

>>2870
Which one of these reprobates do you call, and what do you called them?

>>2871
>c: Barrels "Spam Fan" Kahananui
it is hawaiian do you get it
the joke is that hawaiians love spam

B. Johnny "Rusty" Carbuncle

>a: Stoolrump O'Malley

okay quick time someone say a b or c (forget naming the character)

C

>>2875
>>2928
Thank you for choosing a character I already had an introduction screen for!

>>2934
Your name is BARRELS "SPAM FAN" KAHANANUI. You are the ORDINARY SEAME...oh let's just call him an OS and end that joke there. Basically he does ODD JOBS AROUND THE BOAT.

You know those overgrown men, misshapen and deformed, who everyone counts off due to cruel legends of small minded giants, thought in reality they are very intelligent, if only given the chance to shine?

You are not one of those men. You really are AS STUPID AS YOU LOOK.

You are pulled away from your daydreams of your NATIVE HOME with the cry of the SKIPPER. Seems he wants you to deal with some sea unicorns. As long as it's not CLEANING UP PUKE AGAIN you're fine with this.

>Barrels: Take care of SEA UNICORN.

>Barrels: Teach yourself to swim!

>>2937
You check your STRIFE DECK. Mopkind? And the SKIPPER has a time harpoon? If you weren't so stupid you'd think this was all hugely unfair.
>>

>Ask yourself: What would the GENTLEMEN OF EXCELLENCE do? And then try doing that thing, that they would do.

>>2949
Oh well. You jump in.
>>

>>2951
You land safely if rather badly pixelized. You are ready to face the dread sea unicorn.

[S] >STRIFE!

>COMBAT OPERANDI -> HONOLULU HAMMER

>>2964
You ready the HONOLULU HAMMER when...
>>

>>3013
Because we all really should be doing other things. Will be back Dec 26.

>Do a Barrels roll

>>3014
next?

>Resume performing your Honolulu Hammer.

>Billy the Bellsuit Diver: Descend.

>>3189
(animated)
nooooooo!!!!

>BtBD: Drag the sea unicorn underwater.

>Billy: Level Up.

>>3211
(animated)
Technically the SEA UNICORN levels up. It achieves the new rung A JOHN CUSACK MOVIE WHERE HE DOESN'T END UP IN THE RAIN and earns 212 LIRA.

>Billy: Commune with the Brineswallow.

>>3223
BILLY THE BELLSUIT DIVER is FRIEND to all sea creatures!!!
>>

>>3270
ALL OF THE SEA CREATURES.

YOU MUST OBEY THEM ALL.
>>

>>3271
You use your SANTERIA POWERS to commune with the Brineswallow.

>Brineswallow: Torment Nogbaby.

>>3276
>Billy as Brineswallow:

What is a nogbaby and why would you ever torment it?

>Brineswallow: Consume sea unicorns.

>>3322
>Billy as Brineswallow:
No! You cannot harm the sea unicorns! You are friend to all sea creatures!

Unless the Brineswallow needs to consume sea unicorns to survive. Wow, ecological sensitivity is hard!

>Brineswallow: Just take the sea unicorns to Sea World for a while.

>>3327
You take the sea unicorn to SEA WORLD in QUEENSLAND, AUSTRALIA, on the lovely GOLD COAST. The sea unicorn will enjoy watching BERT AND ERNIE'S ISLAND HOLIDAY and riding the SEA VIPER.
>>

>>3329


>>

>>3330
You'll get it in New Game Plus.

>Squiddles: Where the hell are you?

>>3333
You return to the deck after "dealing" with the sea unicorn.

Wait, what is this?
>>

>>3358
The sky is clear.
>>

>>3359


>>

>>3363
IT IS TIME...

>>

>>3364
To find out what Lady Mary Heartskill is doing!

(end Part 3 of Lady Mary Heartskill's Squiddles! Almost at 200 pages here!)

>Go back in the water, but for recreational purposes this time.

>Retrieve buckshot from chin.

>>3508
Lady Mary Heartskill would have you know that CLEFT CHINS are very attractive. Yes, even on women. Shut up, she's like the Cleopatra of her time.
>>

>>3511
Anyway, the American did not pepper your face with buckshot, as expected, but instead helped you up. You are having a lovely tea party now, though the weird seppo insists on putting cream in his tea.
Speaking of your good looks, it seems this gentleman fancies you. Told you she was quite the charmer. Course it helps that he's been living practically by himself for who knows how long. You fancy him yourself. You like men who are well-endowed. With money. And penis. He might be your next ex-husband!
>>

>>3491
To impress him, you're going to strip down to your pants and jump into the pond. Surely this is a good idea!!!

>Do that nastiness offscreen.

>Wait....Do you even have pants?

>>3550
>Audience: Recall that to the English use "pants" to mean "undergarments."

>>3550
>>3558
Being an AMERICAN, it takes you a while to realiZe that pants means underwear. It does not take you long to realize that no one wants to see an underweight middle aged woman in her granny panties covered in pond slime.
>>

>>3568
Well, almost no one.


Wow, you hope Jade isn't nearby.

>Realize that middle-age women in granny panties covered in pond scum is your fetish, and cheer up at the idea.

>Jade: Be nearby.

>>3570
Wasn't there an episode of Doctor Who where Donna fell in a pond? If not there should have been. Oh yeah.

Maybe you should have a moment to yourself.

>>

>>3571
Meanwhile, toddler Jade ogles these shenanigans.

>>

>>3582
man no wonder she has so many memory problems.

>Jade: Play with some flintlock pistols.

>Mary: Show him your swims.

Actually, someone should name the next thread now. Not Electric Bugaloo, that's too cliche.

LADY MARY HEARTSKILL'S SQUIDDLES 2: SQUIDDLE HARDER