>Be Hearts Boxcars.

>press start

>>3260

You are known as JOHN NOIR.

You are the leader of a notoriously gang called the MIDNIGHT CREW. A rival gang known as THE FELT recently knocked over one of your favorite cinemas. Your vendetta has finally taken you through the front door of the mansion belonging to their loathsome boss, LORD ENGLISH.

Your subordinates, JADE DEUCE, DIAMONDS DAVE, and ROSE BOXCARS have been dispatched to various locations throughout the mansion to begin carrying out your mission. Your objective is to locate and crack English's SECRET VAULT, and plunder its mysteries.

Now lets get down to business...

>Use wrinklefucker to destroy clocks.

>>3264
You are not sure what a wrinklefucker is or why it sounds so awesome.

>John: Destroy a clock while quoting Nicholas Cage.

>Equip Oakram's Laser.

You end up getting your horse hitcher stuck in one of the clocks and the only quote you can think of is "Oh no! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Why did you do this? Why?

>examine deck of cards

>Lift rug to investigate for traps

>>3269
Investigate color changing ghost.

>John: be Rose Boxcars

>>3283
There's no such things as ghosts.

>Play 52 pickup.

>>3279
Even though you have been standing on the rug for the last 2 minutes you feel it necessary to look for traps. Its hard to sneak past those green basterds.

...Who's this douche bag?

>>3307
Let's never speak of this again.

>>3277
>>3305
You are not currently carrying a DECK OF CARDS, there maybe one in your MAGIC CHEST.

>Open chest, and then open MAGIC CHEST.

>>3310
You just wanted me to darw this, didn't you?

>Wait, don't do that.

>>3314
Your not sure how you never did that?

what were we talking about?

>Equip BEAGLE AEGIS.

>Perform card tricks.

>>3320
One a cheap parlor trick later.

>JN: Pry that horse hitcher out; Occam's Razor can only do so much.

>Also, check out what that red thing at the bottom left hand side of the screen is.

>>3348
it's fire

>>3348
Using your cheap parlor tricks you bend the rules of reality turning the HORSE HITCHER in to the FOUR OF CLUBS.

Ok 'Wise Guy'; You may now use this card trick at any time as well as the previous trick to summon and dismiss cards.

>>3352
It is.
Also the artist would prefer it if it was never brought up again. FIRE BAD!

>John Noir: Do something awesome.

>>3361
Your attempt was an overwhelming Failure.

>>3365
>Contact other gang members for status report.

>>3366
Time to check how the rest of the team is doing; It may also be useful to inform them that the building is on fire.
Dave has reported the finding of a trail of Violet blood.
Rose has found the SECRET VAULT but is hesitant to start work or enter due to a particular oven.
No response from Jade....

>Karkat: RIIING

>>3382

>Terezi: BZZZZZ

>>3382
>>3383
ಠ_ಠ

>>3384

ಠ益ಠ

>>3382
>HURRRR
>>3383
>DURRR
I think it would be more fitting if it was Terezi/Vriska

>>3387
What? come on man, Vriska is obviously Snowman.

>Your surprise attack sucks. No one is here; you must of sprung the trap too earl-

>Eggs and Biscuits: HURR DURRR

>>3415

This is the best thing. Never stop.

>Rose: Shoot the two lovebirds before they start any time shenanigans.

>Karkat: Multiply yourself to counter Terezi
>Terezi: Accidentaly get multiplied
>Rose: Ogle all those shenanigans

>Rose: Tackle those fuckers like a football player

>John: Remember your name is John Slick, not John Noir.

Your name is ROSE BOXCARS.
On the door to your left is the room containing English's SECRET VAULT and the two most dangerous Idiots in the world. It would probably be a better idea no to attach them head on.

>>3480
No.

>>3439
Why?

>>3438
Love to but you can never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
It's better to just get backup or find a way around the problem.

>>3437
:D

>Rose: Do a silly dance.

>Inspect current inventory.

>>3501
Mostly axes, maces and couple of firearms.

>Rose: Shuffle through deck of cards.

>>3510

Hate time travel for some inexplicable reason.

>Rose : ask John for backup. Surely he'll know how to handle the situation.

>Put a hat on, before someone sees! Perhaps maney more hats are required, unless you did not bringe them.

>>3535

>>3530
You don't think Dropping your WAR-DROBE would be the best idea.
(Sneaking Mission)

>>3565
You equip the CROOKED FEDORA.

>Equip battle ax.

>Rose Boxcars: Be Diamonds Dave.

>Admire painting on wall.

>Rose Boxcars: Admire painting.

>Rose Boxcars: Do a silly dance and lick the painting.

>>3585
>>3588
>Melting Clocks - Salvador Dali

>Rose: Melt some clocks.

>>3600
But clocks don't Melt....

>Pilfer no doubt priceless painting.

>>3603
What priceless painting?

>Rose: Be Dave

>Use painting to disguise self from Felt in the next room. They're probably to busy being retardedly BLUH BLUH to notice anything amiss.

>>3584
>>3605
You are now DIAMONDS DAVE and you are up to your neck in weird time puzzle shit.

I wonder how many [S]'s I can get in this Adventure

>Dave: Follow blood upstairs.

Um, who would be Trace/Fin?

>>3610

be one cool motherfucker

>>3614
You are always a co- MOTHERFUCKER!

>2ollux alway2 know2 where you've been.

The spineless rat likes to follow your PAST TRAIL around and mess with you.

>>3611
You just got punched through time....

It's gonna be a long day.

>Dave: Contact Jade

>>3639

JADE IS NOT RESPONDING!

Who could of done such a devilish act!?

>Gamzee: Fondly regard the miracle that is the walkie talkie in your hand. Give it a nibble. Go on.

>Jade: Admire clocks.

>>3647
I seriously can't draw today.

>>3645
>Vriska:Be responsible for devilish act.

>Dave: Gotta find Jade!

>>3645

> >:33

>>3655
Of corse Vriska is responsible of this devilish act. Why wouldn't she?

>>3658

>Gamzee: Honk incessantly into the walkie-talkie.

>>3656
You stop to get caught in a day dream only to be woken by...

>>3660
...fuck.

>Dave: Might as well go upstairs then. But be careful.

>>3662

Honk back. Ironically.

>>3668

In this thread, you are the star.
It's you.

Great thread btw.

>>3665
Okay! time to stop screwing around! Not sure why you should be caref- ....

We now hit the end (or origin) of the trail.
WEIRD TIME SHIT AHOY!

>Dave: Prepare your gun/stick, and wait to be punched, or something.

>Dave: Examine green sharp thing.

>LE: see what's on TV

>>3732
9,999,999,999,999,999,999 Dimensions and nothing's on.

...wait? Is that Batman!? OH HELL YES!

>>3731
It's a tooth?... ...wait a second...

>>3745
...wait for it...

>Dave: Wait for it too long and get clocked again.

>>3754
Fuck that!

>>3808

>Feferi: Go off somewhere and pout. This isn't worth it!

>>3814
>MEANW)(ILE THE PAST
>Feferi busts into Kanaya's workshop blubbering something about watching out for Jade who's about to come in here. She says to watch out because she's got a bomb on her head which is undoubtedly quite volatile and even the slightest spark would surely set it off.

>Feferi: Don't die just yet. You still have shenanigans to do!

>The Present.
>You are now Kanaya. You guess KARKAT and TEREZI are roughhousing again, because the fabric of spacetime is tearing something fierce on Lord English's CAIRO OVERCOAT. This sort of thing is exactly why he keeps a BACKUP COAT, and always leaves you with one of them.

>Any Gang Does Well To Have An In-House Doctor On Hand. But If You Deal In Time Travel You Better Be Damn Fashionable Too.

>>3891
>It would be a good idea Check on your patient.

>Oh joy! She is awake! But a a bit Dizzy. After all; you have never seen someone loss so much blood.

[spoiler]Ok I got a couple of days off so feel free to speed up with the posts.[spoiler]

Kanaya: Converse.

>>3992
>...Oh, this is bad!

Elsewhere; DIAMONDS DAVE level up!

Throw the hat out

>>4107
...What the fuck dose that even mean!?

...Throw it in the trash.

>>4114
...But I like my trilby. :*(

Well your not Dave.

>Wear your backup hat on top of your regular one, then add on felt hats to the tower as you kill them. Soon you will be a true Gentle Manne of Leisure.

so coooool

>>4131
This

>>4131

You contact you'r subordinates to see if they made any headway.
John is under equipped are Rose is outmanned.
Since you and John are closer to each other they will meet up and try and rescue Jade. Until then Rose has to get her ass out of there and find Kanaya.

You are now John.
What will you do?

>>4175
>Look at house map

>John: Examine vendetta itinerary.

>>4176
This is BULLSHIT.

>John: Collect space jump.

>>4179

this this this this this this this this this this

>>4177
These are the mugshots of everyone you are going to kill.

You got a head start. You already offed 3 of the basterds including ERIDAN their second in command. Too bad didn't snatch his CROWBAR when you had the chance.

Some of these guys you already know...

(1)VRISKA: That spider-bitch has given you the slip repeatedly. She going to go slowly...
(2) GAMZEE: His not a threat; He would probably let go of jade if you ask nicly But its time to stop the charades.
(4) TAVROS: Is insanely lucky. You would have to "persuade" him to open the vault, as well as...
(9) KANAYA: if you need any repairs.
(6) ARADIA: Has been planing almost every shout out. If she is not a the start of one; She will be at the end.
(10) THOLLUKTH: will throw you through time if you don't kill then and there. The same goes for...
(15) EQUIUS: He can quite literally punch you into next week.
(12) KARKAT & (13) TEREZI are the two most dangerous Idiots in the world.

>>4179
I knew I should of gone with the castlevania map.

>>4184

pleeeease?

Might wanna redo some posts.

Typos ahoy.

...I'm going to hate myself in the morning...

>>4193
...Just out of curiosity And paranoia how many Typos?

>John: Collect mysterious artifact, then crawl under the ledge and try to bomb the wall at the very end. Realize you are not the demolitions expert.

>>4196
You grab the artifact only to fall off the two dimensional plane and back into the room you were just in.

Let's never speak of this again.

>John: Replace this conksuck map with a less complicated one.

>>4197

>John: Might want to get out of there before everything goes up.

Alternatively:

>Jade: Time to get out of this idiot's grasp.

>>4200
you leave the fire to engulf the the rest of the building.

>>4199
You contact Rose.
As was previously mentioned you are under equipped.
Rose rightfully beats you up about this.

>>4239
>John: Get literally beat up about this.

>>4247

>John: Lose points on your Gangster's Gambit.

>>4255
You loss one point one your Gangster's Gambit!

>Enough of these shenanigans. Let's hunt down some green torsos.

>>4263
And the chase is on!

>>4312

All is not right in the world of hats. AVENGE THIS TRAVESTY.

>equip backup hat on top of that silly 1-ball bowler, you don't get any stat changes from these items, but they sure make you sophisticated and wealthy looking

>>4317

>>4313
That's it! IT'S MURDER TIME!

>>4320

>Gangster Negotiation: BANANA APPEAL

>>4323
this this this this!

>>4323

yesssssssss

>>4323

Seconded if it's Gangstertainment instead of Gangster Negotiation.

>>4360

>Time to go break her legs and restore that missing point on your gambit.

>>4362

You break a little more than her legs.

THIS IS IT RUNT. HERES YER CHANCE. KISS HER.

>John: Attempt necrophilia

>John: Just as planned.

I put way too much effort into this.

You are now Past Rose.

>Tavros: Commence necrophilia.

Wait a second...

If Vriska is Itchy, who is Snowman? Augh, why didn't we check that before we switched to Rose?

>Past Rose: ==>

>>4400

If things add up the way I think they do....

Nepeta is snowman.

>>4401

!!!

>>4416

>Nepeta: Have flushed instead of caliginous feelings.

> Nepeta: Play with a universal ball of string

Past Rose: Kill Eridan and the two other clowns who'll be dead in the future

>>4725
You are now Past-Past Rose.

Sorry about not undating in a Cool-Sec. You know life to live and all that bullshit. I hope this look... Ok...

>Feferi: oh god please don't die again we don't need it again please please please please just go retire somewhere and live happily afslafkdlkasdlfkas

>>4791
Oh god! I'm such a evil bastard.
Ok, If no one posts a more awesome command by tomorrow afternoon. I will let Feferi live.

Feferi: Die somehow.
Kanaya: You too.

>>4791

Oh god, seconded. Please.

Ok, so Feferi lives. FOR NOW!

I Don't blame you. These last couple of updates were depressing as hell. But I Digress.

You are now Past Rose.

Not Past-Past Rose but more or less of a Past-Future Rose.

....What will you bluh bluh

>>4865
Rose: Radio Jade

>Rose: Don't particularly mind time travel at the moment.

>>4865
Rose: Examine weapoventory.

> Lord Hussielish: Mourn the loss of your waifu.

>>4865
>go and kill every green person. don't die in process.

> Gamzee: Perform Subjuggilation