Another hard day of MINIMUM WAGE WORK complete, you have arrived back at your PARTICULARLY CRAMPED COMMUNAL HIVESTEM later than you anticipated. After OBSESSIVELY SHOWERING and changing into the least rumpled thing around, you are now standing around inside your PARTICULARLY CRAMPED LIVING QUARTERS mysteriously unable to remember your own name.
This woefully happens a lot.

>Enter name?

TOO BAD WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS IS A DEMOCRACY

Your name is GARONN PSASTR. Your INTERESTS are vast much like your ENORMOUS ASS and include hoarding SHITTY GAME PARAPHINALIA, collecting TROLL RELIGIOUS PAMPHLETS, and LEWD DISPLAYS OF BUCKETRY. You do not give a fuck where you leave that BUCKET. You leave that shit out anywhere you please. You have a LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM.
You have run away from your original HIVE and LUSUS to STRIKE IT OUT ON YOUR OWN in the harsh Alternian world at the tender age of TEN AND A HALF SOLAR SWEEPS. It takes you a while to really do anything of IMPORTANCE. This is an area you also have a LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM in.

So far it has been meager goings. You cannot even afford a proper RECUPERACOON and you've just been sleeping on a shitty mattress on the floor LIKE AN ANIMAL.

Having mostly failed the TROLL EDUCATION SYSTEM in recent months and proven yourself more or less useless, you are set to be culled ONE WEEK FROM TODAY.

>What will you do?

>figure out a wacky and hilarious plan to escape the imperial drones and cause all sorts of crazy hijinks

>figure out a wacky and hilarious plan to escape the imperial drones and cause all sorts of crazy hijinks

You think hard but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be working out, as all you manage to be drawing is a large BLANK. This whole culling thing has had you so spooked it's been even more difficult than usual to properly sit and work something out in your head.
If only someone were around to BRAINSTORM and subsequently HIJINK THINGS UP with you.

>Consume 37 bulges.

>In a row.

>Consume 37 bulges.

>In a row.

You suddenly are eaten alive by your sudden craving for exactly 37 bowls of your favorite breakfast cereal of all time, BUCKET O BULGE. It is the perfect morning treat for someone as unconcerned with hiding that shameful shit away as you are.
YOU SURE ARE ONE COOL KID.

==>

Your gullet rumbles for BULGE. You instantly get set to pull some of that delicious shit out from your SYLLADEX via your FTP MODUS!

Oh my god you are so excited this is going to be so good you're going to shit yourself.

Oh my god this fucking thing.

Oh my god.

>RESTART THE DANG THING

>RESTART THE DANG THING

You can't RESTART! This machine is such a COLOSSAL PIECE OF SHIT that resetting it will lead to it only taking TEN AND A HALF SOLAR SWEEPS to boot back up again!
Oh my god you live in a fucking mattress on the floor you really think you can afford things like computer maintenance when there are things like more SHITTY GAME PARAPHERNALIA to be purchased instead?

Regardless, the NET seems to still work at least, though uploading and downloading are out of the question.

>go on TF2.chan

>go on TF2.chan

You have no idea what the fuck TF2.chan is.

However, for some utterly inexplicable reason, you are suddenly reminded of another game you enjoy during your free time, NINE MAN BAND AND THEIR BASE HIVE AND THE SUBSEQUENT EFFORTS TO PROTECT AND SECURE THE AREA WITH THE SCREAMING AND THE DEATH THE SECOND. That is a fine time waster if you ever saw one.

>force your cat to play piano and record it for youtube

>force your cat to play piano and record it for youtube

You have no feline-like things in your COMMUNAL HIVESTEM, as they are not allowed due to your many roommates' SEVERE ALLERGIES. With no feline-esque organisms and your MATESPRIT being in a completely different HIVE, you've been forced to settle for this FUZZY STUFFED OCTOPUS for comfort and animal-related amusement.

Anyway, you have already tried such piano antics before.

It just wasn't the same.

>Ingest many fine cheeses.

>look out the window and inspect surroundings

Look up.

Kick the bucket.

>Ingest many fine cheeses.

IT SURE WOULD BE NICE TO ACCESS THESE FINE CHEESES IF ONLY YOU COULD ACCESS YOUR FUCKING FINE CHEESES IN THIS FUCKING INVENTORY THINGS WOULD BE SO GREAT.
YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU THOUGHT OF THIS FOR NOW YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN ENRAGED AT THE THOUGHTS OF ALL THE CHEESES AND BOWLS OF BULGE YOU ARE UNABLE TO HAVE.
YOU ARE SO ANGRY YOU MIGHT POSSIBLY SHIT EVERYWHERE.

>look out the window and inspect surroundings

In the entire time you've been living here, you have never once looked out this window.

==>

A second COMMUNAL HIVESTEM lies merely yards away from your window. You live in a VERY CROWDED AREA.
Other than the outer walls of the other HIVESTEM, you can see nothing else. The windows have been fogged over with IRRITATING ETCHED PATTERNS in the glass to preserve privacy.
You note that your SLEEP AREA window does not have any IRRITATING ETCHED PATTERN whatsoever. You wonder WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

==>

In your HUGE HASTE to look out the window, you have knocked the WHEELED DUCK off the windowsill and onto the floor.

>Kick the bucket.

YOU SURE ARE ONE COOL KID.

Cut to the chase and pester some chums.

>Look up.

Your shitty mattress is under an equally shitty LOFT BED FIXTURE. Someone else lives in these PARTICULARLY CRAMPED LIVING QUARTERS along with you, someone who most likely will be making a guest art appearance at some point to introduce his very own self insert i mean troll oc as well.

PERHAPS THIS WILL HAPPEN IF YOU ASCEND TO SEE FOR YOURSELF WHO OR WHAT LURKS ABOVE.

>ASCEND. Stealthily, and with great caution.

>ASCEND. Stealthily, and with great caution.

You begin mental preparations for this daring ASCENT. There are a few BREATHING EXERCISES involved here. This is a VERY INTENSE time. Oh man.
ARE YOU READY YOU ARE SO READY FOR THIS.

==>

You take one step and fucking trip over the WHEELED DUCK.

>Cut to the chase and pester some chums.

This seems like a fantastic idea now but your head is very cracked open.
This is a LITTLE BIT OF A PROBLEM.

>Get up, Bambi. GET UP! You MUST get up!

AHAHAHAHAHHA
yes

also
>Take a bloodnap until your head stops hurting so much.

> Be the other guy.

>Attempt to not die

>Get up, Bambi. GET UP! You MUST get up!

OH GOSH HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OH NO WHAT TIME IS IT YOU GOTTA GET TO WORK AND WOW WHO PISSED EVERYWHERE GOSH GOSH WOW COLORS HEADACHE RIGHT NOW WOW

>Take a bloodnap until your head stops hurting so much.

You slip into a peaceful slumber instead and silently panic that you are LATE FOR WORK.

> Be the other guy.

You cannot be the other guy from the hallway, as he is a VERY BUSY CHAP. He has returned to the opposite side of the PARTICULARLY CRAMPED HIVESTEM for MYSTERIOUS WORK purposes.
He is as MYSTERIOUS as he is INCREDIBLY BUSY.

> Be the other, other guy

>Be the wheeled duck.

> Be the other, other guy

You are now that second fellow lurking atop the shitty loft bed. That deafening sound of A RETARD CRACKING HER GOURD OPEN spooked you a bit, and suddenly you are having much difficulty remembering your own name.
This woefully happens a lot.

>Enter name?

OOPS I'M SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF YOU THINKING YOU HAVE ANY SAY IN THE MATTER.

Your name is FRAXIN OGGYET BRYNLY. You have given yourself a MIDDLE NAME because you believe yourself to be SUPER SPECIAL. Unfortunately you thought this was a COOL THING TO DO a few sweeps ago and now CERTAIN URINEBLOODED TROLLS WITH VERY LARGE ASSES won't stop calling you by some hideous MIDDLE NAME DERIVATIVE.
You are of very poor health and as a result your horns are BROKEN PIECES OF SHIT. Sometimes if you squint they look a little like ARTICHOKES. It makes you feel A LITTLE BETTER. You were ordered to live among these LOWBLOODS by a spokseperson for the MOTHER GRUB herself. You believe it is a secret government social experiment when in reality the CULLSMAN did not have the heart to cull you that day and figured you would die instantly from the LOWBLOODS' POOR LIVING CONDITIONS combined with your HILARIOUSLY WEAK IMMUNE SYSTEM.
Your INTERESTS include WAR PAINTINGS, hoarding SHITTY COMIC PARAPHERNALIA, and FALLING DOWN ALMOST CONSTANTLY. Why you thus choose to live way up on a shitty loft bed LIKE AN ANIMAL is anyone's guess.

>What will you do?

>Continue to look retarded and stare off into nothingness.

>Do something about that pissblood bleeding all over the floor which is also your floor do you want to clean that up like come on seriously

hahaha wow so update on this but my computer wont start in anything but safemode and safemode fucks with my screen where everything is stretched mad wide so tablet drawing is out of the question
i am awaiting my fresh new netbook to show up in the mail and once it arrives i shall continue so like DONT THINK I LOST INTEREST IN THIS NOW THAT I'M NOT DRAWING MY OWN ASS oops i mean GARONN'S ASS ANYMORE aaaaa
ok update over here have a shitty art to make this a slightly interesting post wow

>Do something about that pissblood bleeding all over the floor which is also your floor do you want to clean that up like come on seriously

God are you out of your mind you're not going down there, the floor is for GUTTERTRASH not FINE DANDIES SUCH AS YOURSELF. You'd probably just slip and fall on all that PISSBLOOD anyway and nobody wants any of that.
However you also take into consideration that if the LARGE ASSED ONE does indeed KICK THE BUCKET then in a few days you're going to be dealing with a not-so-pleasant rot stench.
Mustering up your courage as well as your RUBBER-FOOTED SOCKS, y

>Continue to look retarded and stare off into nothingness.

*mother of god*

> Fucking do something besides staring, retard.

> Grab the nearest object and use em as makeshift stilts!

>Have a romantic candlelit dinner with the stuffed octopus while your roommate bleeds to death.

> Fucking do something besides staring, retard.

CHRIST YOU NEED TO STOP SPACING THE FUCK OUT I swear to god there is just something about this hivestem that just drags everybody's inner name-forgetting ass-picking retard out by the ARTICHOKES.
What we need here is a fucking game plan alright.

==>

Oh and what a splendiforous game plan you have brewed up in that FINE DANDY head. By showing the CULLSMAN your impressive survival skills in such POOR LIVING CONDITIONS when he finally does get off his lazy ass and cull you already oops i mean CHECK UP ON THE STATUS OF YOUR SUPER SECRET INFILTRATION MISSION, he will be SO IMPRESSED that he will have no choice but to invite you back into the warm, flubbery arms of FINE NOBILITY where you rightfully belong.
YOU JUST NEED TO BLEND IN UNTIL THEN BITCH.

> Grab the nearest object and use em as makeshift stilts!

Unfortunately there seems to be nothing atop your bed aside from SHEETS and YOU WEARING PANTS IN THE BED GROSS. However, your SHITTY LOFT BED is more or less balanced on stilts, SO WOW YOU CAN MAYBE GET DOWN THIS WAY.
IF you BALANCE VERY
VERY CAREFULLY HERE.
LOWBLOODS CAN BALANCE VERY WELL OKAY THIS IS ALL ABOUT BLENDING IN.

==>

You begin mental preparations for this daring and very likely death-defying DESCENT. There are a few BREATHING EXERCISES involved but you need to take it easy because they are a little too INTENSE.
This is also a VERY INTENSE moment in your life.

==>

==>

What the hell is that noise.

==>

You are fucking hit clean in the face by the BUCKET a FAT ASSED PISSBLOOD kicked into the sky earlier.

Oh my fucking god.

>>3208

>Permission to freak the ever loving fuck out, sir.

>NO. TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.

>Permission to freak the ever loving fuck out, sir.

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

>NO. TAKE IT LIKE A MAN.

NO YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH ABOUT TO HAVE A FULL-SCALE MELTDOWN.
OH MY FUCKING GOD.

>>3733
try not to break your face on the floor i mean its like 6 feet down

>Enjoy tastey Grubsauce-in-a-bucket