TAVROS QUEST 2
"tELL tAVROS TO, uHHH, dO THINGS," by Wren

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When asked for a self-description to use in this introduction, Wren said "Who the hell are you? How did you get in here? Did the toucans send you?" Wren produced truckloads of work, both fan-art, inspiried-by, and original stories. You can find more of his portfolio at deviantart and tumblr.

Your name is TAVROS NITRAM. You are currently standing idly in your bedroom, bored. You were disabled at one point, but your CREEPY FRIEND built you a rather spiffy set of ROBOT LEGS, allowing you to walk again. Your friends all believe you to be BROKEN IN THE HEAD, and indeed it sometimes seems so, even to you. You have a variety of INTERESTS, but really, who gives a shit?

Not me.

What will you do?

> draw tavros

> and karkat

> holding hands

> in dresses

This is incredibly silly.

> Drink Faygo with your pal Gamzee.

Good idea!

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But wait... he lives so far away.

How are you going to get there?

> Rocket chair! PCHOOOO.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!

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oW,

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You're a little ruffled, to say the least, but you've arrived! You can already taste the delicious, sugary Faygo.

> Knock on Gamzee's door or something. When you get there.

You knock politely on your best friend's door. It's a little late, and you're wondering if he's still awake.

> Be Gamzee.

You are now Gamzee. You are also fucking hung over, holy christ. You swear, you really should get off of the sopor slime, it's starting to fuck with your head. Er, more than usual.

> Gamzee: WAKE UP THERE'S SOMEONE OUTSIDE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE AWAKE. FUCK.

> Gamzee: try to remember to put on pants or something.

You fail miserably in this respect. The thought that you should cover yourself flits through your mind momentarily, and then you hear more knocking. You're COMING.

> Gamzee: let your best bro in.

Aw shit, it's Tav. Holy shit, motherfucker, come on in. Make that rockin tin-ass at home, bromosapien.

> Tavros: be momentarily blinded by your bff's crotch of miracles.

It's... it's...

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...miraculous.

> Gamzee: Forget that you are naked and attempt hugs.

C'mere, motherfucker, and give this shittin fuckin juggalo a god damn hug. Adorable little bastard.

> Tavros: Flip out just a little.

You are beginning to flip out a little.

> Gamzee: note that Tavros seems worried about something.

Shit. What's this motherfucker gettin all wibble-lipped about. A brother must be fuckin tired all up in here.

> Tavros: THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS PUPA PAN I CAN FLY FAIRIES ARE REAL AND SO IS TROLL SANTA AND THE EASTER GRUB OH GOG WHY IS IT BOUNCING UP AND DOWN LIKE THAAAAT WHY GOOOOOG WHYYYYYYY.

YOU ARE FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT

> Wren: derp.

HAPPY TO OBLIGE.

There is no page 17 and I had NO FUCKING CLUE someone would make a comic book out of this.

> Forget that Tav is wibble-lipped and fondle his horns. gog damn. gog DAMN!

Holy fucking shit. Just... just LOOK AT THEM. They're so huge and glossy and just absolutely fuckin gorgeous. If Karkat's horns were impressive, these are like fucking GODS. Horn gods.

> Gamzee: Fondle DAT MOHAWK.

You spot your bro's kickin mohawk. You still have no fuckin clue how he gets it to look just like that. Fucking miracles.

You reach up to touch it.

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Oh god yes it's so soft and silky holy fucking SHIT.

> Vriska: Be stalking Tavros in the nearby bushes but come out of hiding because his suffering is so hilarious that you are compelled to point and laugh.

You are now Vriska. You felt compelled to follow Tavros here when you saw his rocket chair shoot feverishly from his respiteblock, curious to know where he could possibly be so eager to go to. You have been watching the entire chain of events, and you are preparing for the best kool-aid man style rampage into this ever seen. Ever.

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HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

> Tavros: Grab Gamzee by the horns, gently turn him around, and guide him back inside before you die of embarrassment or he catches his death of cold. Try not to look at his butt too much.

Oh god, why did she have to show up, oh jesus-- Well at least she's too busy gasping and laughing to notice as you steer Gamzee back into his own house and away from her clutches.

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What? Oh, you were too distracted by laughing at Tavros' hilarious face to notice them slipping away into Gamzee's house.

> Vriska: grow a moustache and twirl it evilly.

Hehehehehehehehe

You'll be back... oh, you WILL be back. They are safe for now, but NO ONE IS SAFE FROM YOU FOREVER.

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Oh. You're pantsless.

Oh well. Might as well go grab a fuckin pair, though, now that you think of it.

> Tavros: Realize you have never seen Gamzee without facepaint before.

You take a moment to let this fact register in your mind. It's weird. Foreign, even. He actually... he actually looks HANDSOME without it. This fact is beyond startling.

> Tavros: Go up to Gamzee and fondle his naked face like he did your horns and mohawk.

Sweet grub above, it's so WEIRD. Gog damn.

> Gamzee: Get a taste of your own awkward medicine.

Uhhh, this is kinda weird.

> Gamzee: This must be an invitation to lick Tavros' face. Do so.

Oh god damn it, what the hell is he doing? Jesus.

> Gamzee: Interrupt the awkward moment by accidentally stepping on a horn and scaring the shit out of both of you.

AUAGHAGHAGHAGGHGHGHHHHHHHHHGHGHGHGHHHHHH

> and then fall onto several more horns. HONK HONK HONK HONK HOW DID YOU NOT SEE ALL THESE HORNS ON THE FLOOR SWEET JEGUS.

HONK HONK HONK HONK

> Vriska: Interupt the two to inform them the door was unlocked.

Uhhhhhhhh yeah.

> And someone broke the window next to it.

> And took pictures of Tavros and Gamzee licking each other.

Just, uh, thought you ought to know.

> Tavros and Gamzee: cower under a table.

JESUS, how the fuck did Vriska get in here? GET UNDER THE GOD DAMNED TABLE

> Eridan: Suddenly become relevant.

...wait.

> Gamzee: Put facepaint on Tavros.

This is an amazing idea, and you pull out your facepaint and begin applying it to Tavros. He's gonna look like a REAL brother when you're done with him.